Hey, Did You Realize The 80’s Were, Like, 30 Years Ago?

So this happened all the time, even though we like to pretend it didn’t.

In Britain!  I meant to say it happened all the time in Britain!

We were way cooler over here in America…

This happened three years after that video. Why is it weird his legs are on top?

This happened three years after that video. Why is it weird his legs are on top?

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The Sh– To Just Meh… Let’s Ask A Hipster Edition

Hipster is a dirty word

I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t get what being a hipster really is.  That having been said, I’m going to extrapolate their reactions to a current trend I see.

To begin, let’s imagine that Rivers Cuomo of Weezer is Patient Zero in this analysis.  When Weezer hit the mainstream lamestream (that’s lame) mainstream with Undone (The Sweater Song), people noticed because it had a distinctive voice and sound.  Their follow-up, Buddy Holly, was much more accessible and — normal.

So here are some newer artists with their first releases and their follow-ups, and we’ll gauge the responses from hipsters.

  • AWOLNATION’s Sail
  • AWOLNATION’s Not Your Fault

What do you think about that, hipster?

"Get out of my way!"

  • Foster the People’s Pumped Up Kicks
  • Foster the People’s Helena Beat

What do you think about that, hipster?

"Have you seen my friend? He's around here somewhere."

  • Gotye’s Somebody That I Used to Know
  • Gotye’s Eyes Wide Open

What do you think about that, hipster?

"..."

A Handful Of… Michigan Artists That Are Cooler Than Mike Posner

I don’t like this guy.  At all.  My reason is to quickly follow.

The way he sings in a whisper makes me imagine a man holding his cat’s front paws and making it dance, while he cooed much to the feline’s dismay, “You think you’re cooler than me.”

Anymeow, Mike Posner is from Southfield, Michigan, and as much as I seek to support local performers making it big, this guy – not so much.

To be honest, I originally thought his name was Mike Poser, and in a way under that belief, I appreciated his irony.  Now he’s ironic in another way.

So here is A Handful Of local acts done good (not counting Motown, to make a point)… after the jump… Read More

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Modern Lyrics Are Just Things People Say!

I'm not saying lyrics were always brilliant, either...

This post was inspired by a gathering of drunken minds, but rather than recollect, I felt there was more to say on the subject:

What is the deal with music lyrics these days?

For example, Usher has a hit song (with will.i.am) called OMG.  What’s the chorus?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh my god…

That has me saying “Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho-lee crap does this song lyric suck.”

What about Travie McCoy’s Billionaire with Bruno Mars’ hook:

I wanna be a millionaire so f–king bad…

Who doesn’t want that?  Well, maybe not the part about hanging out with Oprah and Queen Elizabeth, since one is allegedly busy rigging her own contest against a kid with cerebral palsy, and the other had her budget slashed.

How could I miss mentioning Black Eyed Peas getting-ready-to-party-and-then-actually-party anthem, I Gotta Feeling.  Who hasn’t said previously and into infinity:

Tonight’s gonna be a good night…

At least I can be thankful I haven’t heard Semisonic at 2am in a long time:

It’s closing time…

Instead, when I’m heading out to the car, I scan the radio stations, hoping to hear an 80’s classic.  Perhaps some Whitesnake:

Here, I go again on my own…

Hopefully, I will not have been drinking, and if I get pulled over, the police officer won’t have me Breathe… at least in the same ways Faith Hill, Anna Nalick, or Ryan Star might (as well as others).

When I get finally get home, I can think like Ice Cube:

Today was a good day…

Um… where was I going with this post anydadada?

Musical Musings… America’s Next Top American Idol Judge!

This idea simply popped in my head, just like how the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man did in Ray Stantz’s.

With Simon Cowell leaving American Idol to host his own version of American Idol called X-Factor, there has been a buzz around the TripleDoubleU about his replacement.  I say look no further than one of Fox Network’s early birds (and The Simpsons surrogate mother), Tracey Ullman.

I thought this was funny and actually LOL'd. 4RLZ.

The reasoning?

  • She could take on the roll of two judges – Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres.  Cowell for the British honesty; DeGeneres for the comedy.
  • She’s been in the music business à la Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and in particular – Paula Abdul.

I searched to see if any others had thought this, and yes – there was one site.  But I think this needs to happy.

Or Ricky Gervais.  For the very same reasons… Okay, I’d prefer Gervais, but in a pinch, Ullman will do.

He LOL'd, 2. 4RLZ.

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Subtle Christian-Approved 80’s Songs

Holy crap!  We’ve been busy at work, so my boss/friend Paul has been unable to make a new list, despite my pestering and bugging.  So in honor of the “Holy Crapness” of this event, allow me to present:

Top 5 Subtle Christian-Approved Songs of the 80’s

5) Maneater – Hall & Oates
Sample Line: “Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!”
Christian-Approved Message: You couldn’t get anymore anti-oral sex than this song.  Missionary only, please.  (After marriage, of course…)

4) Keep Your Hands to Yourself – The Georgia Satellites
Sample Line: “No huggin’, no kissin’, until you make me your wife.”
Christian-Approved Message: This song should appeal to the abstinence-only crowd (hello, Jonas Brothers), as well as explain the shotgun weddings found often in the South (hello, Miley Cyrus).

3) We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Sample Line: (see title)
Christian-Approved Message: Another abstinence-only song.  Girls are throwing themselves at him, and he is telling them, “No thanks, let’s just dance and drink some cherry wine.”  He’s either very religious, or very gay… or both.  (There might be openings at the monastery.)

2) Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna
Sample Line: “I’m gonna keep my baby… mmm…
Christian-Approved Message: While the fact that Madonna is singing about getting knocked up out of wedlock might not sit well with the religious right, the fact that she is going to keep my her baby and get married to the boyfriend has to appeal to the pro-life movement.  (And the messages of songs #3 and #4…)

1) You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Sample Line: “Yeah you… shook me… all… night… long.”
Christian-Approved Message: Unbeknowest to most people, this song is actually about a female demon that is exorcised.  (Or is it exercised?)

Who I always "Maneater" was about...

Whom I always thought "Maneater" was about...

Musical Musings… Masterful Feline Musicians

I really wish I would have saved this picture:

Play him off, cat piano!

Can't wait for the Meow Re-Mix

Perviously used in this post, it goes along purrfectly with this edition of Musical Musings.  If you dove into this post willy-nilly without reading the above title, or if you have an aversion to reading large letters in bold typeface, allow me to introduce you to two of the most fascinating felines ever to grace the music scene (not counting Keyboard Cat or Josie and the Pussycats*, ‘natch). 

The Classical Approach:

The Modern Take (wait for the breakdown at the end):

The Interpretive (Canine) Dance:

*It’s a shame, but I forgot how cute Tara Reid actually was, and I really do miss Rachael Leigh CookWha’ happen to her? And look how young Rosario Dawson, um,  looks.  Eight years really makes a difference, I guess.  And that’s my deep thought for the day.