JusWondering

JusWondering… Is A Detroit Bucket List Ironic?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I wish I took a screen cap of an advertisement for something called The Detroit Bucket List, or that I at clicked on the link, because I’m having the hardest time finding out what it was (translation–> nothing on the first page of my Google search looked familiar.

One thing I found was a trailer for a locally produced “movie” with the same name:

It’s from two years ago, though (you can catch a glimpse of Tiger Stadium before it became a barren field).

Otherwise, I found this Facebook page and not much else.

But all in all, it got me JusWondering… is a Detroit Bucket List in any way ironic (because both imply impending doom)?  Is it an oxymoron?  Or just plain ol’ moronic?

Well, anyyallzboy… about this time last year, I started a bucket list with the promise to continue it.  This is me continuing it – Detroit style!

  • I want to produce a documentary about Detroit in its heyday (what a fun word, BTW). I would love to see footage of Detroit’s early American origins, through its prosperous periods, to its eventual downfall.  Maybe Ken Burns could put together this opus.  Why won’t I do it?  I’m too lazy.
  • I want to produce a show about a cop from another (better funded) city trying to get things done in the Detroit Police Department. Imagine a detective from New York, Chicago, or Miami battling not only the crime, but the system… I think it could be intriguing.
  • I want to shake up the system. Namely, I could see myself running for mayor.  I’ve lived in Detroit for 98.8% of my life, and I deserve the opportunity as much as any of the other clowns that have “won” the position.  First order of business – shit-can the useless City Council and bump up the number of fire fighters and police.
  • I want to build a movie studio in Detroit. This was an early wish, long before Hollywood even came calling our neck of the woods.  I also envisioned setting up excellent filmmaking programs at Wayne State University (my alma mater), U of M Dearborn (only), and Hank High (a.k.a. Henry Ford Community College).  I have my reasons for these three.
  • I want to move out of Detroit. A man can dream, can’t he?

JusWondering… Why Does This Make Me So Happy?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I actually voted for him... just the first time.

(For more disgraced former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick fun, click here, here, or here.)

JusWondering… Do You Believe In Pop Culture Perfect Storms?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Unlike real-life perfect storms, pop culture perfect storms are fun.

What entails a weather-based perfect storm:

  • warm air from a low-pressure system coming from one direction
  • a flow of cool and dry air generated by a high-pressure from another direction
  • tropical moisture from a hurricane

What entails a pop culture perfect storm:

  • video from long ago
  • containing someone out of their more (in)famous context
  • that features products either lost to time, or some ironic reference

The first example is this:

The ingredients (of the PCPS, not the McDLT):

Another example would be Ghostbusters 2, partly due to this sequence:

The breakdown:

  • This 21-year-old movie (yikes… it can legally drink!)
  • containing a cameo from Whitney Houston’s bad boy, Bobby Brown, as well as this theme song
  • that features not only the Sony Walkman shown in the above clip, but this adapted NES Advantage game controller:

And then there’s always this old commercial featuring Glenn Beck (you can find irony on your own… just like the Ghostbusters):

JusWondering… Is It Better To Be First Or Last?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Will Ferrell would be the first to tell you, "Dunking is the last thing I'll try again."

This will be a simple study.  I’ll play it as a game of percentages whether a film is good or not, based upon reviews via Rotten Tomatoes.  Then I’ll make up some way to decide which is better – to be first… or last?

Let’s start with the “firsts,” first…

  • First Daughter – bad at 9%
  • First Sunday – bad at 14%
  • At First Sight – bad at 34%
  • The First Wives Club – bad at 42%
  • 50 First Dates – bad at 44%
  • First Knight – bad at 44%
  • Murder in the First – bad at 52%
  • First Blood – good at 86%
  • Star Trek: First Contact – good at 92%

Two out of nine films were considered good.  That means 22% of titles that include the word “first” are good.  One in about five is not a blue ribbon winner.

Maybe this kind of blue ribbon.

Last but not lease, here a the “lasts”…

  • I Know What You Did Last Summer – bad at 34%
  • The Last Action Hero – bad at 39%
  • The Last House on the Left (remake) – bad at 42%
  • The Last Boy Scout – bad at 43%
  • The Last Unicorn – bad at 50%
  • The Last Castle – bad at 52%
  • Save the Last Dance – bad at 53%
  • X-Men: The Last Stand – bad at 57%
  • The Last House on the Left (original) – good at 63%
  • The Last Samurai – good at 65%
  • The Last Station – good at 71%
  • The Last Temptation of Christ – good at 83%
  • The Last King of Scotland – good at 87%
  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade – good at 89%
  • The Last Emperor – good at 91%
  • The Last of the Mohicans– good at 97%
  • The Last Picture Show – good at 100%
  • Last Night – N/A
  • The Last Airbender – N/A

Nine of seventeen films that have been reviewed (Last Night and The Last Airbender aren’t out yet) were given good reviews.  This means that a little more than every other movie using “last” in the title (53% of them) are bound to be good.

So to answer the question nobody was asking but me, my new script called Last of the Firsts has a 75% chance at being good! Or does that mean it has a 125% chance of being bad?

No matter what, it still has to be better than First Daughter…

This is one of the worst posters I've ever seen.

JusWondering… Who Needs More Help With Their Local Logos?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Although this tourism commercial for the state of Ohio was not as hastily made as these ads for Cleveland, it still feels like a video I’d make to try to get people to come over my house.

Hey everybody, I have a big screen TV!  It’s 50 inches, but it’s rear projection and not widescreen, but it lights up my living room in the night!

I have a Nintendo Wii, an XBox 360, and a Playstation 3, as well!  Except, I don’t have any batteries for my WiiMotes, my 360 isn’t hooked up to XBox Live, and I only have one controller for my PS3!

But I do have Pizza Rolls in my freezer, as well as a bottle of Southern Comfort!  Also, there are six cans of Miller Lite in my fridge, but you’ll have to turn on the kitchen light because the bulb in the fridge has been burnt out for years!

Come to my house!

Besides those commercials, they run terrible radio ads I haven’t been able to find.  So instead, howzabout a couple of local Michigan companies that could have taken another pass at designing their company logos:

And if you're for the opposing team, F U!

And if this doesn’t make you raise your rooftop, I don’t know what will:

"Garages Gone Wild"

JusWondering… Who Are The Hepburn And Tracy Of Today?

Posted on by sgottahurt


Nobody else is like Spencer and Tracy... or so I've been told.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I. Know. Films.

But only after the release of Die Hard in 1988.  It was around then I started reading Entertainment Weekly (this was my first issue) and began my film studies at Wayne State University (go Tartars, I mean, Warriors!)…

So needless to say (yet I’ll say it anyway), I’ve never seen any of Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy’s films, but I do know that they are a beloved (or at least famous) Acting! pair, the likes of which no longer exist.  Or do they?

I tried scouring the TripleDoubleU for Actors! that were in more than one movie together, and alas, I found nothing definitive.  So I had to scour my own brain, and this compilation was the best I could do.

(NOTE: I didn’t count sequels or comedy duos, but all you’ll see… most were only in two films.)
(ANOTHER NOTE: I know there are more – please add the ones I’m missing in the comments.)
(A FINAL NOTE: I did not count John and Joan Cusack either, sickos.)

JULIA ROBERTS and RICHARD GERE

  • Pretty Woman
  • Runaway Bride

JULIA ROBERTS and CLIVE OWEN

  • Closer
  • Duplicity

KATE WINSLET and LEONARDO DICAPRIO

  • Titanic
  • Revolutionary Road

GEORGE CLOONEY and TILDA SWINTON

  • Michael Clayton
  • Burn After Reading

KEANU REEVES and CHARLIZE THERON

  • The Devil’s Advocate
  • Sweet November

ADAM SANDLER and DREW BARRYMORE

  • The Wedding Singer
  • 50 First Dates

SIGOURNEY WEAVER and KEVIN KLINE

  • The Ice Storm
  • Dave

MICHAEL DOUGLAS and KATHLEEN TURNER (and DANNY DEVITO)

  • Romancing the Stone / Jewel of the Nile
  • War of the Roses

TOM CRUISE and NICOLE KIDMAN

  • Days of Thunder
  • Eyes Wide Shut

RALPH FIENNES and, um, LIAM NEESON

  • Schindler’s List
  • Clash of the Titans

KATE BOSWORTH and JAMES MARSDEN

  • Superman Returns
  • Straw Dogs (coming soon)

KEVIN SPACEY and KATE BOSWORTH

  • Beyond the Sea
  • 21
  • Superman Returns

TOM HANKS and MEG RYAN

  • Joe Versus the Volcano
  • Sleepless in Seattle
  • You’ve Got Mail

JOHNNY DEPP and HELENA BONHAM CARTER

  • Corpse Bride
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
  • Sweeney Todd
  • Alice in Wonderland

JusWondering… “I Don’t Think That Is What You Think It Is”

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you didn’t know, in the daytime, I work as a travelling network administrator (I almost wrote newtwork, but I got better).  AnyWAN, I came across found this picture as someone’s background while out in the field:

"Godse"

I nearly lost it.  It couldn’t be?  It wouldn’t be?  It shouldn’t be.  This was in a doctor’s office on one of the laptops, and there’s no way any of the ladies working there were that subversive.

What’s the problem, you might be wondering (aside from the fact it’s fake)?  Ever hear of Goatse.cx (don’t worry… the link is to Wikipedia)?  Essentially, it’s the precursor to 2Girls1Cup (also Wikipedia).

According to Snopes, my hunch was correct.

Those ladies at the office didn’t know that was not a picture of God’s Hands.  But if it was God’s Hands, and the break in the clouds was some other part of God, I don’t ever want to be caught out in the rain ever again…

BONUS GOOFSE!

“Olympicse”

“Yachtse”

JusWondering… Are These Titles Titillating Or Am I A Perve?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I think what follows JusWondering above is all the introduction this gallery needs…

I also JusWonder how many hits the tags below will garner…

JusWondering… Can’t We Small Talk About Anything Else?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Stormy Daniels > Stormy Rain Clouds

I’m a big proponent of human interaction.  But I am also a borderline misanthrope.

So I guess I’m all about everybody talking to each other so long as they don’t talk to me.

That being said, I can’t stand small talk.

Why does it always have to be about the weather?  (Click here for Stormy Rain Clouds.)

Why does it have to be about how business is doing?  (Click here for how business is going.  What?  The link doesn’t work?  Neither does 14.6% of people in Michigan.)

I suggest we make light of various surroundings, like I did one day.  This cute girl and I were waiting for an elevator, so I mentioned how convenient a giant slide would be in traversing floors… at least going down:

When Darwinism ruled the park scene...

She thought that a fireman poll might be better, and I agreed:

I'm waiting...

We got on the elevator as another couple approached.  I asked what floor, and they remained captivated in their own world.

I shrugged and the girl smiled.

See, why couldn’t it be like that all the time?  Repartee… flat-out ignoring…

…and the cute girl part?

That helped a little bit.

Make that a lotta bit.

JusWondering… Sequels With Lady Problems

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve noticed a trend in sequels to popular films, and it’s one that I consider an exercise in lazy screenwriting.  Heh… exercise… lazy…

Anywheredidshego, where did she go?  To me, the writers couldn’t develop the characters’ relationships further, so they broke them in order to fix them again, to varying degrees of suck-cess.

  • Bill Murray seemed to be with Sigourney Weaver at the end of Ghostbusters, and then she (well, her character Dana) went and had a baby with someone else.
  • Sure, Bruce Willis and Bonnie Bedelia wouldn’t have won couple of the year in Die Hard, but by Die Harder, they seemed to have worked out all their kinks.  In Die Hard with a Vengeance, the kinks won.
  • Orlando and Kiera’s love Bloom-ed, um, Knightley in the first Pirates of the Caribbean.  In the second, they didn’t get married and fought only to draw out a boring plot point for two films.
  • Nick Cage found whatever it was he found in the first National Treasure; Diane Kruger was his booby prize.  Then repeat the above, but place a “2” before the semicolon.
  • The Night at the Museum sequel doesn’t even begin to explain what happened between Carla Gugino and Ben Stiller, just so they could get to (hot?) Amelia Earhart’s doppelgänger, Amy Adams. What is this movie really… Mannequin 3: Skies the Limit?

Actually, I’m going to carry on with my Night at the Museum tirade.  It’s not like he’s Austin Powers or James Bond, picking up new ladies every flick…

Actually again, James Bond has loved Vesper Lynd for two movies so far.  One can imagine that every woman he bangs from here on out would be in an attempt to mask his pain of loving her too much.  He probably would still be with her if she didn’t, you know, die.

So in closing, writers do yourself a favor and imitate the always excellent Transformers series – instead of blowing the relationship up, blow shit up!

This scene could be from either movie.