A Handful Of… Things I Want For Christmas

Just in time for Christmas Eve, I’ve assembled a list of containing A Handful Of items I may actually want, even though I told all my loved ones not to buy me anything because I didn’t buy them anything.  Will they listen this year?  Hopefully.  But they haven’t yet, and I feel like a real dick when they do.  Unless that’s what they wanted.  Then they did get a gift from me after all!

So you can keep warm while looking cool.

So you can keep warm while looking cool.

I missed it when this Marc Ecko product had its original run, but aren’t we living in the age of the TripleDoubleU?!  Anything’s possible!  But probably not buy by tomorrow…

This game looks just like you’re playing the TV show.  Do you know how many times I’ve wished Friends would have done that?  Oh, and I should mention this – I would like the 360 pre-order version so I can get Mysterion.  So what if this doesn’t come out until next year.  I can wait.

I will not name him Tony.

I will not name him Tony.

I was just telling my brother the other day that I have three loves in this world:

  1. Robots
  2. Taco Bell
  3. Duets

The other two are kind of off-point, but this little robot would be a nice beginning for my impending robot-infested dominion.

Final words before my inevitable incarceration: "See you all later... you know, because I was secretly video taping you."

Final words before my inevitable incarceration: “See you all later… you know, because I was secretly video taping you.”

My sister actually brought these to my attention, and they haven’t left my consciousness since.  I brought up the possibility of getting these to a few friends, and one deftly responded: “Creepersville.”  My initial interest was genuine – wear this to bars to capture conversation flows or to a soccer game to get a first-person perspective of my awfulness.  But it’s there – right on the fringe of Creepersville no matter my intent.  The only other inevitable problem is that I have enough difficulty living in the moment as it is.  With these, I’ll be living in perpetual time-delay.

All I Want For Christmas Is… This Song To Really Be About What I Hope It’s About!

Mostly everyone nowadays knows Clarence Carter for his song, Strokin’.  If the blind blues singer is known for anything else, it should be at least for the hook from his song, Backdoor Santa.  Run-DMC “borrowed” the back beat for their better-known Christmas in Hollis, but here’s the original:

Awesome, right?  It’s definitely sexual in nature, butt am I wrong to think it could be about a little something extra under the tree?  I known the TripleDoubleU has been around for quite some time and my purest thoughts are no different from yellow snow, butt I don’t think I’m reading too much into these lyrics:

I’m your
Backdoor Santa
I make my run
At the break of day

“The break of day” is also known as “the crack of dawn.”

I ain’t like
Old Saint Nick
He don’t come
But once a year

That part is obviously sexual, and the concept was stolen by Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond.  Here’s where it gets really interesting…

I kept that door open
In case anyone
Smelled a mouse

No comment.

All I Want For Christmas Is… Courtney Ford And Kate Beahan To Get More Roles!

Courtney Ford.  Kate Beahan.

If neither of those names are familiar, here are the faces to go with them:

Courtney Ford

Kate Beahan

Courtney is probably best known for her role in season four of Dexter (and not for her marriage to Superman), but she first came to my attention in an episode of How I Met Your Mother (The Naked Man).  She played an awful person on HIMYM, but she did this on Dexter.  She will forever be in my heart, and needs more opportunities to do what she did on Dexter.

Kate has not fared as well in America as she has in her homeland (she’s Australian… I love Australian accents).  Her biggest role here was in The Wicker Man, and this is a sample of the material she had to work with:

Come on Hollywood!  Give her another shot!  At least one better than Nick Cage in a bear suit punching a woman!

All I Want For Christmas Is… Word Lens!

How fucking cool is this:

I don’t know how well it works, but I want it.  And it’s free.  And it’s available now.

But you might be wondering this:

Why don’t you just download it now for free and test it out?

Well that’s because I can’t, you idiot, otherwise I would.  I still have an iPhone 3G, and I need at least a 3GS.  So I need to upgrade my phone to 4 in order to try it out before my trip to Prague.

So I guess what I’m really saying is:

All I Want For Christmas Is… An iPhone 4!

All I Want For Christmas Is… A Yellow-Naped Amazon!

I bet you’re wondering… what is a Yellow-Naped Amazon?  Unless you’re an ornithologist, of course.

Essentially, it’s a mimicking parrot that can, well, here’s an example of how skilled they can be:

Imagine the things I could teach one!  Really, go ahead and imagine!  ‘Cuz I don’t feel like it!

Happy Find… A Hard Drive For All (Over 18) Ages

I would have saved this for my upcoming (heehee) All I Want For Christmas posts, but I didn’t want to be perceived as a perv.  The fact that I’m making it a Happy Find should be of no consequence of all.

Playboy is putting out (heehee) a hard drive that contains their entire digitized catalog:

That's quite a box set (heehee)

It’s $300 for 250 gigabytes of googoo gaga bits…

…I guess that’s all I have to say about that…


All I Want For Christmas Is… Parajet SkyCar – No, I Mean, BackJoy

I had a mystery that required solving (as all mysteries do) about a week ago.  The situation was this:

I had awakened in the middle of the night to witness an infomercial for a product that you sat on, and it was supposed to help your spine align properly.  I had no more to go on than that… well… that, and the website site that sounded something like BooYah.com.

I asked everyone around the office.  I Googled as fervently as I could.  I could not find anything about this thing you sit on for spine support.

That was until I stumbled upon the word “orthotic.”  And indeed, the product was like a shoe insert.  Very soon after I found it… BackJoy.

As Danny Glover once said, in his mid-20's, "I'm too young for this shit."

 My co-workers had me thinking I dreamed it, when it was truly a reality.  No longer would I be uncomfortable sitting on stools without backs at the bars – I could have BackJoy!  And that’s when it hit me.  I’d have to carry this thing around with me, wherever I went, because I’m sure my back would get used to it.

So then I settled upon wanting this.  It was love at first glance:

An older Danny Glover was overheard saying, "I'll take ten." (Because he's rich, you see.)

Parajet SkyCar – the flying auto!  A reality actually spawned in my dreams!  Oh, the places– wait, what’s that?  It glides?  With a parachute?

Just give me the BackJoy.  And make sure it comes with a carrying case…

All I Want For Christmas Is… Any Of These Toys (But Mostly MindFlex… Maybe)

I haven’t been this amazed since I’ve seen babies reading, but this MindFlex toy looks incredible.

Use your brain to move around a ball!  How could any kid not want this!  Well, that is unless it’s a scam

So if that idea doesn’t fly (ha!), how about some of these Cubedudes!  Who doesn’t love superheroes made out of Legos?

Something's fishy if Aquaman's included...

Oh.  They’re a personal project.  Thanks for getting my hopes up (Comics Alliance I’m looking at you)!  You surely wouldn’t screw me twice, because if I can’t have those, I’ll gladly take one of these:

The Rocketeer got the Feds and the Mafia to work together to fight Nazis... He's a certified hero!

Consarn it!

Okay, then just give me this… it’s available on most reputable retail sites…

I've never met a stripper named Carousel, though it seems like it could be possible.

 Oh.  It’s $250.  That’s about $230 over our spending limit.  Never mindflex.