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InASense, Lost… Garfield Hates Mondays, And Veterans Apparently

Posted on November 13, 2010 by sgottahurt

Whoo, boy… you’re going to have to sit down for this one because itza doozy, lemme tell you.

Garfield creator Jim Davis recently apologized for this:

Talk about "Wooof" (see the last post)

I mean, it’s not only an affront to this nation’s veterans (you read the linked article above, right?)*, but it’s also terribly…

…not funny.

Seriously, why the fuck is this shit still being produced and published? I’d have to harken back to a time in my youth when I looooved Garfield, but even now, I’m hard-pressed to recall if I ever thought the strip was humorous.

I think my reason for liking him stems from the fact that he was the first character I taught myself how to draw, or it’s simply because I had limited options outside of Peanuts, Blondie, and Cathy. (This time frame falls well before the genius that was Calvin & Hobbes, and his pissed-off merchandising rip-offs. And come to think of it, at this time in my life, I did enjoy ABC’s TGIF lineup.)

In closing, this atrocity needs to meet its end, and if he’s lucky… maybe we’ll celebrate a National Stupid Day in his honor.

*It was published on Veteran’s Day.

Worth 1002 Words… Star Wars Tirade Edition

Posted on November 12, 2010 by sgottahurt

Klaatu, Brutus?

(SIDENOTE: It makes a lot of sense to give the proper name to the character formerly known as Klaatu, because Kenner did the same with many other toys, like Ponda Baba (Walrus Man), Momaw Nadon (Hammerhead), or Saelt-Marae (Yak Face). You know, because he’s a Klaatu and his name his Wooof…

…wait, what’s that?

His people are actually called Kadas’sa’Nikto, so his name could be (and once was) Klaatu, but they’ve finally opted to go with Wooof because, well, just because of this quote via Wookieepedia:

The Green Nikto seen in Jabba’s palace was called Klaatu, though Wooof was one of the production names used for this character. ―Leland Chee (whoever he is)

So there’s no reason for the ridiculous change. And that’s it for my nerdy tirade. As the famous line from The Day the Earth Stood Still goes:

Klaatu barada nikto…

…end SIDENOTE)

Happy Find… Rosie Jones In Action!

Posted on November 11, 2010 by sgottahurt

I just love this British bird:

The One and Only Rosie Jones (not counting the golfer, Rosie Jones)

Unbeknownst to her, Rosie Jones has been in a long-standing heated battle with Alison Brie to be my number one crush, but every once in a while, she pulls ahead (as when I suggested her for a role in the inevitable Home Improvement movie.)

Hearing her lovely lilting accent puts her on top once again (as opposed to her usual nude Page Three photo shoots):

In My Brain While Sleeping… New Reality Show

Posted on November 10, 2010 by sgottahurt

~~I think I watch too much TV.~~ I know I watch too much TV. So this means I dream a lot about TV. As for improvised drug use… not so much. But that doesn’t mean any such acts are off-limits in the subconscious.

(SIDENOTE: What unfortunately seems to be off-limits is anything above a PG-13 rating.)

So anyVH1, I recently had a dream involving these three reality stars:

Kourtney Kardashian - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi - Audrina Patridge

And we were just hanging out at a night club doing whip-its (not to be confused with whipping hair). That’s it. Nothing provocative. I’m just using this to illustrate my boob tube influenced brain.

Which brings me to the actual point of this post… I can’t believe there isn’t a reality show called The Dog Walkers.

In one of my dreams, the show existed, and it took place in different cities, like The Real Housewives, or MLB games. But whereas this as a show might get boring:

How many are named Sparky?

This never will:

"Hold it 'til we get home. I forgot to bring bags!"

One more for prosperity:

It's because he can't see, you see.

A Handful Of… Characters That Fear Water

Posted on November 9, 2010 by sgottahurt

Water… is life.

Water… is cleansing.

Water… is wet. What else can I say?

For these characters in TV and film, water is only wet. Lame opening? Waterever.

Here are A Handful Of characters that fear H2O.

A Mogwai named Gizmo

This poor little guy can’t even drink beer without spawning bastard siblings.

Yes, I've used that joke before.

The Wicked Witch of the West

I wonder if Glenda the Good Witch could get wet. Maybe that came out wrong. That was still a bad choice of words…

"I really like Arby Meltings, I'm Meltings..."

Pigpen

Water would only turn this Peanuts character into Muddy.

The Muddy pun would have went better if his name was Dusty.

Aliens

When you’re an alien that has acid blood, you avoid getting open wounds around water.

"I'd rather have ice in my veins..."

When you’re an alien that’s skin is so sensitive to water that it’s like acid, you avoid planets and creatures composed mostly of water. Or so you’d think…

"If I had ice in my veins, I'd die... Waah..."

Jason Voorhees

Maybe he didn’t fear water so much before… you know…

"Hey mom, look at me! I'm splashing!"

Tim Burton’s version of evolved Apes

Take it guy from this blog post:

Apes, for some reason, are deathly afraid of water, because in all their evolving they have never learned to swim. In fact, they are so afraid of water that when Mark Wahlberg is running away from them, across a river, he is literally only a few steps into the water when the apes stop pursuing them. The idea seems to be that they are afraid of drowning, but apparently they are afraid of getting wet at all. Ummm… okay.

"Orangutan I didn't say banana? Get it?"

Ringwraiths

I guess there’s a bunch of debating about the portrayal of these characters in the Lord of the Ring films, but by my summation, they’re afraid of water. It’s an elemental thing.

"It's also a horse-shaped tidal wave drowning us thing..."

6th Graders

This video will prove it once and for all:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Movies That Rip Off Other Movies

Posted on November 8, 2010 by sgottahurt

How can they dew that?!

For this edition of the So, Duh! Pop Quiz, I’m going to have everyone figure out the movie that ripped off each of these films (well, one of the questions happens to be about the films that ripped off the original).

Here’s a little known truth:

It ain’t stealing if it’s an homage…

1) Which sci-fi flop copied these sci-fi flops?

THX 1138 - Parts: The Clonus Horror - Logan's Run

2) The second question’s always easy… What monster movie did these monster movies chase after?

Orca: The Killer Whale! - Alligator - Piranha

3) Which “groundbreaking” action film stole broken ground from these underground flicks?

Blade - Dark City - Ghost in the Shell

4) What piece of garbage ripped off these pieces of garbage, save the awesome underrated The Monster Squad?

Underworld - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - The Monster Squad

5) Which film that was essentially a “cartoon” ripped off these “cartoons” (Dances with Wolves is certainly cartoonish)?

Dances with Wolves - Pocahontas - FernGully - Delgo

(Answers after the jump) Read More

Musical Musings And Awful Battle… Decidedly Different 80’s Love Songs

Posted on November 7, 2010 by sgottahurt

Once upon a time (in 1982 to be exact) there was a song. It was a power ballad of nuclear reactor proportions, and it went a little something like this:

Now you may argue…

I thought this was an Awful Battle? I love that song!

Don’t let nostalgia taint the reality that if that song was made today, it’d be laughable. Journey-ing on…

—————————————————————————————————————————————————

Once upon another time (in 1986), there was another song. It was a remake of an older Randy Newman song that was featured in a little movie called 9.5 Weeks, or something like that. Again, if it was made today… well, I don’t know how many women wear hats that men would want them to keep on these days:

So why is it an Awful Battle? One hopes for endearment enduring, and one attempts to make this sexy:

No offense, Alexis.

JusWondering And InASense, Lost… Could This Actually Taste Good, And F— You Up?

Posted on November 6, 2010 by sgottahurt

I sure loves me some chocolate milk. It is pure delight, especially with Oreos and Chips Ahoy!

I also sure loves me some booze. It is pure delight with Taco Bell and pizza!

But can the two work together? This company sure thinks so…

Introducing Adult Chocolate Milk!

What do they mean re-taste?! I still drink chocolate milk!

With a 20% alcohol content, it better leave you feeling dairy effed up. Too bad it’s only available in Arizona, California, and Minnesota currently, and it’s super expensive to ship. Because I could really go for some booze and cookies…

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty And A Hibbidy-Wah?! WTF Is Hulk Hogan Doing?!

Posted on November 5, 2010 by sgottahurt

I don’t mean to go and spoil the below video, but spoil you I must:

Hulk's showing off his real American.

What in the flying fuck is this not only doing in a promo for a stupid looking video game, but why in the flying suplex is Hulk Hogan pulling out his thumb wrestler in front of his daughter Brooke?! Whether it’s real or not, it’s really dumb for real.

This could have also been filed under from The Shit To Just Shitty… behold: