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JusWondering… Why Isn’t This A Disney Release?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I barely remember hearing about the upcoming Gnomeo & Juliet, except that it was a retelling of Romeo and Juliet using lawn decorations, and featuring music by Sir Elton John.  Oh.  That’s exactly what it is.

At the start of the preview, when the Touchstone Pictures logo popped up, I thought:

Why isn’t this a Disney release?  (see above header)

Because Touchstone is Disney, you see.  So I started thinking:

Maybe it’s a PG-13 release aimed at an older audience.

After all, that is why Disney created the thunderbolt off-shoot in the first place.  But no.  It’s rated G.  And it’s the first of all Touchstone Pictures to be rated so low.  (It’s only their second animated feature, to boot.  The other is The Nightmare Before Christmas.)

Well, how was I going to get to the bottom of this?  What rhymes with stickymedia?

Initially, the film was going to be produced by Disney Feature Animation, but was shut down by its new chief, John Lasseter, after the Pixar acquisition.  Miramax Films picked up the project and guided its production until the division closed down… The film will now be released under the Touchstone Pictures banner on February 11, 2011… (via Wikipedia)

So much for answers.  My guess is that so much work was put into it prior to merger with Pixar, that it was the traditional cry of:

The show must gnome on!

Sorry for that pun, but I’d venture to guess the actual film won’t be much better… And for sure, it won’t be better than this adaption of the Shakespeare classic:

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonks Unleashed!

Posted on by sgottahurt

It's all connected... like whatever this toy is.

You know how people say…

You don’t choose books; books choose you.

Well, maybe the same thing happens with movies.  I mean, I know when it comes to books, it’s usually about how the incidents in the book reflect something in your life.  For movies, it always seems that there’s a connection.  Not between me and the movie, idiot.  Between the consecutive movies!

For instance, on the flight to Prague, I watched four movies: The Other Guys, Despicable Me, Salt, and most of Knight and Day.  While I had downtime the last two weeks (actually, it was the nights I stayed up late because I couldn’t sleep… because I didn’t drink enough, I guess), I saw Dinner for Schmucks, Eurotrip, Easy A, 17 Again, and Bolt.  On the last day, I almost went to the theater to see Megamind.  There’s one anomaly film in the mix, but that will get a special shout-out at the end.

Onto the Coinkydinks Or Coinkydonks!

  • Traitor!

Mr. Katie Holmes

World- (and possibly universe-, if the Scientologists know what they’re talking about) famous Actor! Tom Cruise was originally attached to star in Salt, a flick about a spy and possible traitor to the government.  But he feared the character was too similar to his Ethan Hunt character in the Mission: Impossible films, who was a spy and possible traitor to the government (at least in the first one).  So he starred in Knight and Day instead… as a spy and possible traitor to the government.

  • Keepin’ It In the Family

Michelle Trachtenberg

Cutie-pie Michelle Trachtenberg needs to sit down and have a talk with her agent.  In Eurotrip, there’s a pretty funny scene where her character, while tripping on absinthe, makes out with her twin brother on the dance floor.  In 17 Again, she tries to make out with her dad.  Sure, it’s Zac Efron as a younger Matthew Perry, but still!

  • Did These Get Made on the Same Lot? 

Steve Carell

Of course, both Despicable Me and Dinner for Schmucks star the grinning goof above, but isn’t it weird that both Flight of the Concorde’s Jemaine Clements and Saving Sarah Marshall’s Jason Segel are in both?!  That’s a lot of boths!

  • When You’re Good, You’re Good…

Malcolm McDowell

…and no one’s, um, gooder at being bad(ish) as Malcolm McDowell.  He portrayed the villainous Dr. Calico in Disney’s Bolt, and the villainous thorn-in-the-side Principal Gibbons in Easy A.

  • Easy, Eh?

Will Ferrell

Will Ferrell headed-up The Other Guys and Megamind.  Isn’t that enough?

Oh yeah, and about that special shout-out… we also watched The Graves.  What’s that? you say.  I’ll let the preview explain it for you, because it was even worse and incomprehensible than I could have ever expected (you need to at least see the 0:47 second mark):

Hibbidy-Wah?! The 80’s Are Alive! (…In Prague!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This could have just as easily fallen under a Musical Musing post, but the obscure cross-section of music I’ve heard while in Prague honestly makes me say, Hibbidy-Wah?!

Some of these took a fair amount of research to uncover.  Some… I quite readily knew.  Hey!  Howzabout we have a So, Duh! Pop Quiz Pop Quiz.  See if you can guess which artists I knew, and which ones I didn’t.  Those answers will be after the jump.

1) Mike + the Mechanics’ All I Need Is a Miracle (amazingly, we heard this more than once)

2) The Climax Blues Band’s I Love You (I was going to look for a better video, then I realized this could not be topped)

3) Air Supply’s Sweet Dreams (I was wrong… the above video could be topped)

4) Genesis’ Man on the Corner (what a creepy song, eh?)

5) Bryan Adams’ Straight From the Heart (this is a video masterpiece… not only does it represent the Czech’s affection for How I Met Your Mother, but also how important apostrophes are)

(Did you guess if I guessed right?  Did you care?) Read More

Happy New Year To New Movies Courtesy Of Old Movies!

Posted on by sgottahurt

File this one under “You’ve Probably Seen It Already,” but for me, I’ll never get sick of it.  It’s an amazing testament to music and editing, and how much beauty can be found in even crappy movies.

You do realize Vampires Suck was one of the flicks included, right?  (#116)

Enjoy it again – or hopefully for the first time!

Musical Musings… Prepare Your Ears For The Horror

Posted on by sgottahurt

There is a reason why accordions are not used in pop music.  The prime example is Stereo Love:

Ugh.  Even if it’s synthetic, or a concertina, it’s still intolerable.

(SIDENOTE: “Weird Al” Yankovic, Arcade Fire, and They Might Be Giants are exempt from this post.)

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Songs About Singers’ Significant Others Or Something Else

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don't have a clever caption for this photo, but I do have an ironic one.

This has been an idea I’ve had for a while, and I was never sure what way I wanted to go about writing it.  Tah-dah!  It’s a So, Duh! Pop Quiz!

Your job is to decide who or what the song each of these singers is singing about.

1)

Is Avril Lavigne singing about…

Deryck Whibley or a puffy winter coat?

2)

Is Pat Monahan of Train singing about…

his new wife, Amber Peterson, or the women that attend Burning Man?

3)

Is Gwen Stefani of No Doubt singing about…

 

No Doubt bassist Tony Kanal...

 

...Gavin Rossdale now, or Gavin Rossdale then?

4)

Is Billy Joel singing about…

supermodel Elle Macpherson or supermodel Christie Brinkley?

5) 

Is Pink singing about…

 

this doucher or this doucher?

Answers after the jump Read More

Awesome Battle… To Be Queen Of The Nerds!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This… was inevitable.

Natalie Portman has held her lofty position as Queen of the Nerds for a considerable amount of time, but be aware that Olivia Wilde is not merely standing by, waiting on the sidelines.

Whereas Ms. Portman garnered our nerds attention with her portrayal of Padmé Amidala (the original queen) in the Star Wars prequels, Ms. Wilde is picking up steam by portraying an isomorphic algorithm named Quorra (true story) in Tron: Legacy.

Let the Awesome Battle begin!

Both film series are fanboy favorites, and their female leads looked remarkable in them.  But a long-awaited prequel trilogy and a belated sequel does not a battle make.

Ms. Portman followed up her Darth Vader-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: V for Vendetta.

Ms. Wilde will be following up her Sam Flynn-inspiring role with one from an underground comic book: Cowboys & Aliens.

Ms. Portman then wasted a few years to become an Actor! It worked, because she’s getting a lot of award attention for her work in Black Swan.  But in this time, her geekdom luster has lost its shine, and opened the path for Ms. Wilde to take her throne.

On the slate for each actress:

  • Ms. Wilde – an ensemble comedy about butter-carving competitions called Butter
  • Ms. Portman – an ensemble comedy about wizards and dragons called Your Highness
  • Ms. Wilde – a sci-fi adventure written and directed by Gattaca’s Andrew Niccol called Now
  • Ms. Portman – a rom-com directed by the once great Ivan Reitman and starring, ugh, Ashton Kutcher called No Strings Attached

Luckily for Ms. Portman. she’ll be in next summer’s big-screen treatment of the Marvel Comic, Thor, but Ms. Wilde is set to star in a new body-switching movie called The Change-Up, co-starring Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman, whom are also dork heroes.

In closing, I’ll share a comedy bit each of them made, and I’ll let you search for their nude scenes.  This is a classy blog, folks, not an assy one.

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Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? One Taylor Swift Headlight

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay.  Get this.

I was driving to pick my buddy up at his new place the other day, and I found myself daydreaming as I was passing through a well-known speed trap.  I’ve trained my eyes to catch cops by the side of the road, and this occasion was no different, hence my rapid deceleration.  By the time, I looked at my speedometer, it was reading 53, 52, 51…

I was in a 45 MPH zone, and I knew I was going way faster than I should.  I’ll pulled quickly onto the angled embankment between the bridge and the freeway entrance below it.  My hands were displayed promptly empty out the window as the officer approached the passenger side.

I rolled the window down on that side and placed my hands on the steering wheel.  He said,

This your ride?

I answered, “It’s mine.”

Can I see your license?

I answered, “I was waiting to get it safely.”  It was then I dug out my wallet.

You were going 58 in a 45.  How’s your driving record?

I told him it was good, even though it wasn’t long ago I was pulled over for something*.

Then I’ll take care of you.

I ended up getting an impeding traffic ticket which still costs $116, but… no points.

Ah, the part I’ve dreaded.  I was daydreaming, listening to this song:

I was trying to figure out the line:

You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

Because this later line confused me:

I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter

I thought all the choruses went that way, but it was only the last one that “the boy” is singing to her.

Nonetheless, what makes this a Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? is that (My Boss) Paul pointed out that the cadence (which also happens to be his daughter’s name) is Taylor Swift’s Mine is almost the same as The Wallflowers’ One Headlight:

*That something I was pulled over for… I only had one headlight.

Scary/Hairy Christmas!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hopefully you haven’t seen either of these already, but if you have, I’ve included the gift receipt.

Something naughty:

Something nice (and a weird mix of funny and sad):

All I Want For Christmas Is… This Song To Really Be About What I Hope It’s About!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Mostly everyone nowadays knows Clarence Carter for his song, Strokin’.  If the blind blues singer is known for anything else, it should be at least for the hook from his song, Backdoor Santa.  Run-DMC “borrowed” the back beat for their better-known Christmas in Hollis, but here’s the original:

Awesome, right?  It’s definitely sexual in nature, butt am I wrong to think it could be about a little something extra under the tree?  I known the TripleDoubleU has been around for quite some time and my purest thoughts are no different from yellow snow, butt I don’t think I’m reading too much into these lyrics:

I’m your
Backdoor Santa
I make my run
At the break of day

“The break of day” is also known as “the crack of dawn.”

I ain’t like
Old Saint Nick
He don’t come
But once a year

That part is obviously sexual, and the concept was stolen by Pierce Brosnan’s James Bond.  Here’s where it gets really interesting…

I kept that door open
In case anyone
Smelled a mouse

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