Is this an ad for a high-powered compact blender, or for swinging? (It is called the Magic Bullet after all…)
Remember BluBlockers? The marketers behind the HD Vision Wrap Arounds hope you don’t.
This I really want to be true. I mean, if I did cook, I would cook with the NuWave Oven.
Does the Slim Clip really need an infomercial?
You probably have already witnessed this monstrosity of an ad for the Better Marriage Blanket, so here it is again!
This video has made it’s way around the ol’ TripleDoubleU a-plenty (why am I typing like that?), but that’s not gonna hinder me from a-placin’ it right ‘ere ag’in (it’s getting worse!)…
So wit’ that whole mess in mind, get yerself o’er ta this spiderweb sightin’ if’n ya might be fixin’ to help some kin:
(Click pic for link)
Kickstarter is a place one might find ’emselves at if yer lookin’ to be like tha ol’ kings and queens were wit’ dolin’ out fundin’ to projects like tha Moner Lisa or discoverin’ tha New World*.
If’n yer more inclined to offerin’ yer services at a whoppin’ five bones a crack, then look no further than Fiverr:
(Click pic for link)
Now if’n only someone could help me wit’ wha’ever ’tis I got goin’ on ‘ere, that’d be dandy.
(*not historically accurate)
Sega had a different idea than me.
With the new (first?) (only?) A-Team movie coming out, we got to talking about the cast over some beers. We decided this dream cast (not the one above) would have been quite a coup:
The Dream Team
Bruce Willis as Hannibal, Brad Pitt as Face, Jim Carrey as Murdoch, and Michael Clarke Duncan as B.A. Baracus would have been expensive as hell, and I’m not calling the current cast the B-Team (ha!), but these guys would be totally worth it.
So then we started discussing that Matthew Vaughn (the guy that made Kick-Ass independent of any studio) will be helming X-Men: First Class. It should be noted that he was set to be the original director of X-Men 3 (which he hated). Since our train of thought was already on IRF (Ideal Role Fulfillment), this was the station our one track minds arrived at:
Yes, please.
Michael Rosenbaum could replace Patrick Stewart as a younger Professor X. Rosenbaum already carries comic credentials under his belt (he plays Lex Luthor on Smallville), so he already has the experience of playing the earlier version of an icon. Plus, DC owes Marvel someone since Green Lantern took Ryan Reynolds from Deadpool. Besides, audiences don’t care if Actors! double up on beloved characters (Captain Jean-Luc Picard held his ground as Professor X, Human Torch as Captain America, Han Solo as Indiana Jones, as so on).
It's the hair that won the job.
Replacing Magneto was tough. I started with Jude Law, another Brit, taking over for Sir Ian McKellen. But then we tried thinking about perhaps an Actor! of Jewish decent, since Erik Magnus Lehnsherr happened to be, and we could think of none. So they fought Law, and Law won.
And as for Cyclops / Scott Summers, this thought popped in our head…
Please no.
…and the game ended.
As a kid, was a skid, and no one knew me by name. Trashed my own house party ‘cuz nobody came.
Oops, I’m already off topic…
As a kid, there were a few toys that never existed that I always wish existed. Shall we reminisce together?
1) BOBA FETT (WITH FIRING MISSILE)
Everybody had a friend that had one.
Call it a choking hazard, call it natural selection, these toys never made it market. But I swear I knew a kid– ah, forget it.
2) GLORIA BAKER AND SHARK (FROM M.A.S.K.)
Thank T-Bob the fan-fic pic is clean.
I’m not sure why this toy was never made. It’s not like Kenner hadn’t made other water vehicles, or other female action figures (Vanessa Warfield).
3) HOVER BOARD
Wasn't this supposed to be close to market fifteen years ago? How about in five from now?
After the time travelling DeLorean, of course, there was not much more I wanted from the Back to the Future films.
4) ROCKETEER’S ROCKET PACK AND HELMET
Scary. but fun...
…that, or his girlfriend…
Jenny, Jenny...
5) GREATEST AMERICAN HERO INSTRUCTION BOOK*
The only book that could be a toy...
*Costume better be included…
6) STAR TREK’S HOLODECK
Doesn't look like much fun now, but neither does a deflated balloon.
If I have to explain this one, I don’t care to know you. Good day!
7) “THE TOY”
Sorry, I had to...
I never realized how often characters in movie and TV shows were in so much trouble, they didn’t know they should leave. Hence the birth (and overuse) of the infamous uttering, “Get out of there!” and its ilk.
Thank heaven for 7 Eleven that no one’s ever told me to “Get out of there!”
Now “Get out of here!” I’ve heard plenty…
(via The Daily What and Pajiba)
As I (unabashedly) brought to your attention in my last Happy Find, I started another blog called Micro Mike Rowe. I began that punny wonder on April 20th.
Then on April 26th, this bit appeared on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Enjoy Little Danson Man:
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Hmm… my cut-and-paste craze is barely off the ground, and one screwball skit makes a trend not.
But then yesterday, on May 3rd’s Attack of the Show, apropos of nothing, co-host Morgan Webb appeared between segments as Tiny Morgan. Alas there is no available clip of that, but this bit immediately followed it. As (barely) proof, check out Kristin Adams opening for The Feed (or check this vid at the 2:54 mark):
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Morgan Webb is much more fun to edit than Mike Rowe... Sorry, buddy...
Coinkydink? Or Coinkydonk? You decide…
We’ve been busier at work the last few months (hence me running behind on new posts at times), so my friend/boss Paul has been unable to create a new list to share. Today, before heading to golf, he created this new list to share.
CD's may soon go the way of the phonograph...
Top 5 Songs About Obsolete Technology
5.) Spiderwebs – No Doubt
What’s Obsolete: screening phone calls over answering machines
What’s Replaced It: caller ID
Shelf-Life for Replacement: indefinite
4) The Letter – Box Tops (or Joe Cocker, or American Idol’s Lee Dewyze)
What’s Obsolete: writing letters
What’s Replaced It: writing emails
Shelf-Life for Replacement: not long… kids today think emailing is outdated
3) You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) – Dead or Alive
What’s Obsolete: LP records
Paul’s additional note:
I felt real old when my five year-old daughter asked me, ‘What’s a record, dad?’
What’s Replaced It: CD’s (also, Right Round by Flo Rida)
Shelf-Life for Replacement: ever hear of iPods or Pandora?
2) Escape (The Pina Colada Song – Rupert Holmes
What’s Obsolete: personal ads in the newspaper
What’s Replaced It: Craigslist and web dating services
Shelf-Life for Replacement: as long as people are looking for other strangers to screw, they’ll be around
1) Beepers – Sir Mix-A-Lot
What’s Obsolete: pagers
What’s Replaced It: cell phones
Shelf-Life for Replacement: until they implant telecommunications into our brains, cell phones are it
(above image via Gizmodo)
Surprisingly, I’m not as big of a candy junkie as one might think. Heaven knows I used to be in my high school/college years, but not so much anymore. In those days, I ate two candy bars per day (Caramel Twix and PB Max). But that’s neither here nor there nor hear nor their nor hair nor they’re nor hare nor Nair.
AnyWhoppers, that’s not what this post is about. There is something awfully wrong with this M&M’s commercial. see if you can pick it out:
If you imagined Green working a stripper pole, I WIN! (Plus, I also lose as well as you.) If you didn’t, then check out this awful choice of words:
Can you be nostalgic for venereal disease commercials?
Yes, you can be nostalgic for venereal disease commercials.
Comments Round 1
VD is for everyone, eh? Let’s run with that…
Comments Round 2
Now that I’m clean-shaven and no longer look like this:
The bird is the word.
Or this:
I must admit, I missed my face. I went through one day of phantom beard, but that was it. I should mention my regret for removing the season-long Red Wings hockey beard on the first day of the Stanley Cup playoffs, but in order to fly to NYC without hassle, it seemed worth the hassle. (Thank goatee they’re advancing to Round 2!)
Anysubway, I won’t bore you with the details. All the details. Just some of them.
Jay was Hitting One Liners Out of the Park
"Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd that wanted to beat up a guy for wearing a Mets' cap..."
On Friday, we headed to Yankee Stadium to see two of our beloved ex-Tigers play (Curtis Granderson and, um, Marcus Thames), and all day, my buddy Jay was calling ’em like he saw ’em.
Some of things he said that were actually documented:
I need to stop calling these trips vacations and start calling them work out retreats.
If I owned that shirt it’d be my third favorite shirt.
Hey I’m paying twenty bucks to look at empty stages tomorrow.
Steve: Who sings ‘I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone?’
Jay: Ke$ha.What are you? A garbophobe?
It’s getting all Wendy’s up in here! [This one was mine. – Ed.]
“It’s Getting All Wendy’s Up in Here!”
I wish I had photos as proof, but Wendy’s in Midtown is, simply put, insane. I don’t think it was an isolated incident either. The show Ugly Americans even gave a shout out to it.
At any rate, the breakdown of events (this all happened within fifteen minutes):
I don’t know. It seemed much crazier when I was trashed.
I’m So Proud of Myself for Something Not Proud
This photo's fuzziness doesn't even come close to my eyes' fuzziness that night.
On Saturday, we found a bar called No Idea and like the bar’s name, we had no idea what was in store (hee!). We stopped here after not getting to play ping-pong at Susan Sarandon’s Spin because they were closing for a private party.
BONUS JAY QUOTE!
Here I was under the impression none of us played ping-pong.
The plan was this: kick back a few cheap drinks, make our way to bar hop in East Village, and finally check out P.D.T.’s in Crif Dogs (our missed mission from last year). Let’s just say that plan’s quickly becoming an annual tradition.
As soon as the drinks kept flowing (courtesy of an all-you-can-drink party), the remainder of the night became a blur.
Oh yeah – my proud moment… I threw up and quickly returned to drink more. I never knew I had it in me to do that!
The Drunk Idea of the Trip
Andrew Dice Clay’s reality show should have been called Rollin’ with Dice. I was going to make a graphic, but fuck it (heehee!).
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 
