These are not the brightest, but they are far from the worst. To go even further, I enjoyed these three crappy comic book movies more than I enjoyed The Dark Knight (*yawn*) Returns Rises. See what you think about my Unofficial Trilogy:
Maybe I should have picked all DC/Vertigo adaptations… Would anyone have noticed?
Based on the main character from Hellblazer, and released a year after Hellboy, this film at least benefited from a variety of baddies and demons. All Hellboy faced was a multitude of Sammael’s(the devil squid-dog creature), but I digress. Constantine was fun because the story was about heaven versus hell, Satan was played to hammy oddness by Peter Stormare, Shia LeBeouf dies (spoiler!), and it followed logic and a plot. It was crappy because John Constantine was played by Keanu Reeves, Gavin Rossdale of Bush was in it, and Shia LeBeouf came back as an angel (double spoiler!). The rise of John Constantine felt much more natural than Bruce Wayne’s.
This was a breezy adaptation of a very old comic book. To begin, Doctor Doom was nowhere near menacing and maniacal enough. But they got the relationship stuff right, especially when it came to the pranks between The Thing and Johnny Storm. Even the shout outs to Yancy Street and the inclusion of Alicia Masters were surprising. But still… it was cheesy. But I guess Fantastic Four should be cheesy. TDKR shouldn’t, but you wouldn’t have known by the ending (which was the only thing I liked incidentally).
Greg Berlanti, one of the writers of this film, knows nothing about superheroes. His TV shows, No Ordinary Family and Eli Stone (he had powers, sort of), were flimsy attempts at showing the extraordinary in the ordinary, and this film was no different. So why did I like it better than TDKR? Even though it had purple aliens and power lamps and magic rings and a killer cloud and Blake Lively’s cleavage, it still made more sense than all the loose story threads in The Dark Knight Rises. Perhaps if The Dark Knight wasn’t so damn good…
For anyone who hasn’t seen The Dark KnightRises yet, I won’t give any spoilers. But let it be known… I thought it was meh. The ending is the only thing that saved it… and the funny thing is it ripped off another movie.
So this film was made up of…
…a cool vertical airplane destruction scene…
…an extreme tragedy on a football field…
…explosives chasing our hero and being disposed of by our hero…
…and the ending of this Academy Award-winning film.
This song is about two friends who grew up together from a very young age. One becomes successful, the other had jokes for parents, goes through difficult times and becomes jaded. The more successful one (the one singing the song) is now desperately trying to get his friend to come to his/her senses and become the person she really is on the inside. He reminds him/her (in my mind its a her) what it was like when they were younger and had some fight left in them, because they were desperately searching for something. He asks her to face up to the people and the situations that broke her down, by kicking them in the face, and basically rejecting their right to do that to her. Show them they never really knew the real her, like her best friend did. The hope being that they both can return to the desperate search for the unknown, that they had both begun so many years ago. (via)
This song is haunting to me. It so beautifully describes the feelings of adolescent love with the chorus. I believe it is about a girl he loved who either suffered from mental illness, a drug problem or some kind of trauma.
The part about the house and the constant hostile references to “they,” presumably her family, seems to hint at some abuse. Later parts imply that her family is denying anything bad happened (as they might if they’d abused her.) She clearly overdosed and got her stomach pumped. Maybe a drug OD or a suicide attempt. It seems like she is now in treatment, either rehab or a psychiatric hospital. It sounds like she has been put on meds.
He claims “they” are saying “You were never quite right/Deserving all the chills” Tremors are a very common side effect of neuroleptics, maybe that’s what the chills is referring to? Either way, “they” say she was or is sick (“not quite right”)and maybe they say she’s making up past abuse. If she were just getting treatment for an addiction, I feel like he would not be so hostile toward “them,” but if they are denying things she told him happened, that would explain the anger.
I think he knows that “they” are telling her the worst is over, but he feels like it isn’t. “They” are just “kicking it over” and running, not facing the underlying issues.
It sounds almost silly, but maybe he feels like they are in a brainwashing, or reprogramming her. Hence, the “turn you on again” part.
I think the “kick them right in the face” part is both him telling her to escape their control, but maybe also to talk about what happened to her. It could allow her to “win the war” against “them” by exposing the truth.
Another reason it sounds like her parents are “they,” and maybe her abusers, is the “baby burst in the world” part. As in, with them as parents she was “never given a chance.” Now they are denying everything and asking “what went wrong.”
The letters part is clear enough, he is writing to her while she is in treatment. At first she was replying but now he isn’t getting responses, even though “they” claim she’s receiving his letters.
It seems like he’s not sure whether they have “brainwashed” her, and he wants her to come back to him, and he’ll protect her. That is, if she “cares to anymore.” (via)
Here comes the dumbcake:
Actually, this song is about something else entirely, something a little darker. Kevin Griffen was a Kappa Sigma at Louisiana State University (I’ve seen his composite pic at the house. Weeiiird…) and this song is about Kappa Sigma (or any fraternity, really, but specific to the LSU Kappa Sigs) pledgeship. I don’t want to spend an hour disecting the song line-by-line, but it all adds up in the end if you know certain aspects of Kappa Sig (especially Southern KS) pledgeship. For instance: “Pass the house, that you never call home” (pledges, seen as practically sub-human were (are) constantly reminded that the frat house is the ACTIVE’s house and NOT the pledges). The chorus (“I remember running through the wet grass…”) comes from a tradition of pledges, on their bid day, running from a certain central place to their respective houses. They wanted to join the fraternity so badly that they never tired, we’re always “desperately wanting.” You can read the rest of the lyrics with the ample stereotypes of hellish fraternity pledging (“filled you full of those pills”, “kick’em right in the face”, “make’em wish they weren’t born,” etc) and it pretty much spells itself out. The part about “the letters have dropped off” is a reference to another LSU tradition that I don’t fully understand (tho I have heard brothers from the chapter mention it), but the “letters” are clearly the Greek ones. Asking what went wrong when u never had it right.. is a reference to the fact that pledges are never right and, most fittingly, “finally figured ouy some things you’ll never know” refers to initiation and finally learning the Ritual, which, of course, no one outside of the fraternity will ever know. Much of the rest of the lyrics are symbolic references (“the door”, etc) to other pledging things. Damn, looks like i did take and hour. Oh well. OF COURSE you must recognize that I am slightly biased (as are all Kappa Sigs) in this reading of the song, but it has been reported that Kevin himself has admitted that the song is about just this. However, as Dennis Miller says: “That’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.” Thanks for listening. (via)
What? That is some of the biggest grasping at straws I have ever heard!
That’s like saying Foster the People’s Pumped Up Kicks is about playing basketball (it’s about this) or Fun’s We Are Young being about the Fountain of Youth (as opposed to possible domestic abuse).
“Jim Payne (touring keyboardist/guitarist) and I were in the Kappa Sigma fraternity at LSU,” said Griffin. “For some reason it got out that ‘Desperately Wanting’ was about being a pledge, but the reality is it had nothing to do with that. But all around the country, whenever we play it, guys in their [Kappa Sigma] shirts love it.”
I rather enjoy Flo Rida and his dope beats (does anyone still say that?), but it’s his latest song that I have a point of contention with… it’s called Whistle:
Come on, Flo Rida! You’re barely trying!
SIDENOTE: Back when I wanted to be in a ska band, I decided the moniker would be in the same vein as Flo Rida. The name: NoBraSka.
Now I’m not claiming that these following songs have tact, decency, and cleverness… but at least the subject matter isn’t as obvious. Don’t get me wrong – they’re still cringe inducing. But not as cringe inducing as these lyrics (for illustrative purposes, I’ve removed the word “whistle”):
can you blow my _______ baby, _______ baby
let me know
girl i’m gonna show you how to do it
and we start real slow
you just put your lips together
and you come real close
can you blow my _______ baby, _______ baby
here we go
ANOTHER SIDENOTE: The whistling pleases me, so.
Lil’ Kim and 50 Cent’s Magic Stick
ONE MORE SIDENOTE: Man, is this song raunchy. I never knew she said magic clitoris!
Lil’ Wayne’s Lollipop
YET ANOTHER SIDENOTE: I like the line “She wanna lick the rapper”… Get it? Wrapper = rapper? Like for a lollipop, or a dick on a rapper?!
Bryan Adams’ Summer of ’69
THE LAST SIDENOTE: You knew I wasn’t going to exclude everyone’s favorite Canadian export.