Month: February 2011
The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Namely, Britney’s Dance Moves
To this day, I still have no idea how this video ever got released:
Britney Spears was only 17 at the time, and unless my morals have changed a shit-ton since 1999, having a (slightly) underage girl writhing about in a navel-exposing school uniform seems unlikely to fly today.
Um, guess again... (click image for video)
But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about Britney’s dancing ability (or declining lack thereof).
Relax Chris Crocker, it's not going to be that bad...
I know she had a bad knee injury in 2004 (only because I looked it up), but the lack of moves in her new video for Hold It Against Me is tantamount to Aretha Franklin trying to dance.
At least in her (last?) video for Womanizer, she had the common sense to appear pretty much naked between dance moves.
Check out her latest, which is probably more about advertisement placement than anything else:
In closing, I guess I’m doing just like she said… I’m Holding It Against Her.
Bonus video after the jump… it’s about her tongue. Read More
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Is Robocop The Right Choice?
This has been pretty much everywhere lately, and I’m fine with it because it’s funny rather than tragic (well, maybe it is tragic). But as it stands, it looks like Detroit is going to get this:
"The Spirit of OCP"
Here’s the catch, though… Robocop was not filmed in Detroit (there are only aerial shots). It takes place in a future hell-hole version of this, um, hell-hole. The Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk comes into play because half of the funding for the strange project ($25,000 of the necessary $50,000) came from a donor out of state. So a movie about Detroit that wasn’t filmed in Detroit is getting a statue in Detroit funded mostly by someone not from Detroit.
To borrow from another 80’s film – if you build it, they will come. I guess. But why quit there?
Here are some other cops that should be memorialized in statue form because their movies took place AND were filmed in Detroit (at least more than aerial shots):
- Nick Tellis (Jason Patric)
The Long Shot
- Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy)
Could Be Likely
- Action Jackson (Carl Weathers)
Build This Instead
Hibbidy-Wah?! Hibbidy-Wowza!
Me: "I wanna be in a Modern Family." *stomps foot*
Sofia Vergara has proven herself quite the comedienne on ABC’s Modern Family. This commercial proves she’s also quite the salesperson when it comes to Pepsi:
I didn’t get the joke at first. That’s why I watched it twelve times.
Drunken Recollection… Portlandia’s Theme
If you are not watching this show, you haven't seen it.
Friday’s are the one day of the week I’m most likely to spiral out of control. It used to be Mondays and Tuesdays. And Thursdays. And Wednesdays. And sometimes Sundays. Rarely Saturdays because that’s amateur hour. But yeah, these days, I’m lame and go the extra mile on Fridays.
Now don’t you go and worry that I don’t drink any of the other days. Because I do. Each day. Almost exclusively. (Yes, I know what exclusively means.)
Anyputabirdonit, the shows theme song reminded my friends and I of an 80’s song. Here’s the theme (and not the awesome premise theme):
- Feel It All Around by Washed Out
I initially thought it was:
- Baby I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton
But I was on the wrong side of that emotion. It actually reminded me (and us?) of this:
- I’m Not in Love by 10cc
In closing, please click on putabirdonit and premise theme. This show is fantastic.
A Handful Of… Appealing Newscasters
It takes a lot to be a newscaster. Unless you’re appealing. Then it’s easy.
Of course I’m being sarcastic. (Or am I being sarcastic by saying I’m being sarcastic?)
Regardless, here are A Handful Of newscasters that fared well in the looks department. Call ’em appealing, call ’em attractive, call ’em hot… just don’t call ’em entitled.
First captured my attention: TV on main floor of workplace
I have to admit – I still haven’t heard Ms. Burnett in action, but she’s on the LCD monitor in our lobby everyday. One day, I’ll hear her voice. I hope she doesn’t sound like Miley Cyrus… (Burn!)
First captured my attention: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
She’s probably as stuck up as they come, but I can’t help my schoolboy crush on Ms. Kelly. I’m pretty sure Jon Stewart feels the same…
First captured my attention: ???
I know she’s been in the biz for a while, but one day I just realized Ms. Curry is attractive. Either she has always been and I’ve been too busy to notice… or I had a dirty dream about her that I don’t remember.
First captured my attention: saving the world on Onion News Network
You might not know her name, or her face, or her fake news show, but Ms. Alvarez (in reality, Suzanne Sena) is a presence unmatched by most real or fake newscasters. She’s like the eye of a storm… that she caused.
First captured my attention: ABC's The Mole
I am only human.
InASense, Lost… I Didn’t Even Know They Were Broken Up
Sometimes ignorance is bliss (or is it always?), and this case of ignorance is a mixed bag.
On one hand, it’s good that I didn’t know this. On the other hand, how did I not know this? If I’m supposed to be on top of pop culture, how did Barbie and Ken’s breakup fly under my pink radar?
Well apparently, toy maker Mattel is letting the fans decide if they should get back together:
Just in time for Valentine's Day!
Since they’ve broken up in 2004, these are a few of the people the iconic doll has been documented as dating:
- Blaine
*Not siblings
Alliteration is a popular device in poetry; it’s rarely regarded as all right in relationships. Blaine was introduced to the Barbie line of toys almost immediately after she and Ken broke up. Talk about moving fast. The Australian surfer was instantly popular, and Ken wasn’t even manufactured dropped off the grid for two years. A lot of people are crediting Barbie and Ken’s appearance in Toy Story 3 as the reason for the reignited romance… needless to say, Blaine has since fired his agent.
- He-Man
Master of the Universe... not his domain
After a bit of a blow-up with Blaine, Barbie was caught going on a few dates with the alter-ego of Prince Adam. The reason she cited for the short courtship:
Let’s just say every time he passed a mirror, he couldn’t help but touch his… Orko. He was a chronic Master of His Universe.
- Peter Venkman
Don't cross his stream.
Barbie was admittedly starstruck when she met the world-famous Ghostbuster. They only went on one date though, because he seemed haunted by his former lover, Dana Barrett. As all the celebrity tabloids perpetually pointed out, Dana dumped poor Peter for this guy:
Peter's been blue ever since...
- Willrow Hood
Busy running from danger, with his trusty ice cream maker
Barbie met Willrow Hood while vacationing at Bespin City. She really thought it could go somewhere, but nothing would ever come between him and his ice cream maker. After this trip, she was offered her role in Toy Story 3, so the rest, as they say, happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
(SIDENOTE: BTW, they’re back together.)
Happy Find… X-Men: First Class
We are getting a ton of Marvel Comics movies this year (okay, three). Here’s the preview for the latest:
Could be pretty cool, x-pecially since it’s directed by Kick-Ass’s kick-ass helmer, Matthew Vaughn. He was supposed to direct X-Men: The Last Stand, but the x-crutiating Brett Ratner took over.
Think of this film as his apology letter…
JusWondering… Why Doesn’t Everyone Here Know About Asma Mahfouz?
There are two things I rarely get into on this site:
- Politics
- YouTube videos longer than one minute
Well I JusWatched this video in its entirety, and I am amazed I haven’t heard anything about Asma Mahfouz. I could say that’s possible because Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have been on vacation this week, but the video’s more than ten days old, so that’s no excuse. (Thank goodness I still had Roger Ebert.)
The reason why I’m shocked I haven’t seen much coverage of her (I had to type her entire name in Google) is because this video might have started everything that’s happened in Egypt. And as Miley Cyrus might be inclined to say, “That’s pretty cool.”
It might not be our history, but it’s still history.
Musical Musings… Starship To Sean! Starship To Sean!
I should give up.
I make so many mistakes when it comes to modern music that I should be ashamed of myself.
But I won’t give up. And I won’t be ashamed. Especially not because of this.
Let’s sidestep the fact that I’ve had a long-standing confusion over which songs are by REO Speedwagon and which are by Jefferson Airplane/ Jefferson Starship/ Jefferson D’Arcy/ Starship (this also happens to me with Genesis and Phil Collins solo, which is probably fair).
But it was recently brought to my attention that Starship’s biggest hits were not performed by a duo of men, like Air Supply…
Making Love Out of Nothing at All
…but of a dude looks like and a lady. The dude was Mickey Thomas; the lady – Grace Slick.
So my next mistake was thinking this was Grace Slick:
Nope... that's Grace Jones.
For the record, I did not think this was Grace Jones:
Yup... that's Grace Slick.
So from here on out, with grace, I shall never forget.
Got it, slick?
(SIDENOTE: Check out Grace Slick’s Starship video repertoire is after the jump.)
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