Ever have the woman you love turned into a cougar jaguar?
And on top of that, she couldn’t understand you (and of course, you couldn’t understand her), so then you had to employ this guy:
A double-noggined telepathic silverback gorilla that could speak English in my brain while sleeping. He would pluck my thoughts and put them in my lady, and vice versa.
(SIDENOTE: Apparently he could speak jaguar… or he was pulling a fast one on me, because the thing is that no matter what my girlfriend said through Mr. DeBergerac, she still acted an awful lot like a jaguar. Especially when we were alone together and she’d try to kill and eat me.)
So in honor of my lady-love, here’s a long distance dedication:
No wait, that’s a panther! I’m sorry honey! I’ll never look at another black cat!