weird dream

In My Brain While Sleeping… Daniel Tosh’s New Show

Posted on by sgottahurt

Daniel Tosh, host/star(?) of Tosh.0, made an unexpected appearance in one of my alcohol-induced dreams.

And there wasn’t just one of him, but a plethora.

Basically, Tosh was starring(?) in another “Comedy” Central show called Candy Games.

He played all these weird characters that live in a candy machine that happens to be an apartment building.  So either it was a very large dispenser of massive sugar concoctions, or the inhabitants were teeny tiny.

The plot circled mostly around his real-life self and his live-in girlfriend named Candy.  You see, they were engaged, but should wouldn’t put out until they were married, hence Candy Games, I guess.

And of course, there was a wacky neighbor that dressed in a bunch of strange costumes all the time.

Don’t ask me to explain it… even though it occurred in my subconscious.

Starring Daniel Tosh, Daniel Tosh, and Daniel Tosh (Not starring Tyler Perry, Martin Lawrence, nor Eddie Murphy)

Is it possible this dream stemmed from seeing this malfunctioning sign on the way home from soccer?

(Not at all likely.)

In My Brain While Sleeping… When Nature Attacks (Because You Didn’t Drink Beer)

Posted on by sgottahurt

It's a little bit of "Ah, Nature" vs. "Aaaaaah, Nature!"

The dream started off normal enough.

I was hanging out with a group of friends at a bar, drinking, when all of a sudden, one of my friends was launched into the air by a wooden stool.

It kind of happened like this:

We rushed to his aid and helped him up.  Somebody checked the stool and there was nothing remarkable about it.  He said he was fine, so we continued drinking.  Rather than trusting another seat, my previously airborne friend opted to lean against the wood-paneled wall.  He chose to be sober that night, so he asked the waitress for another glass of water to replace the last one he spilled.

That’s when the wall blasted him across the room somehow, even though its surface remained in tact.

In a blood curdling whelp, he begged the question, “Why?”  That’s when a creature that looked like this:

It's a "Sudowoodo" from Pokémon.

…except meaner explained everything.

When you choose not to partake entirely in the sacrifice that nature has made for your enjoyment, it is an insult to the remainder of nature you have used.

Tonight, we, the wooden chairs and wooden walls, have lashed back because you refused to honor our fallen hops and barley brethren.

So the moral of the dream is this: DRINK.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Yoda’s Idea Of Perfection

Posted on by sgottahurt

This dream probably (definitely) has to deal partly with me watching The Clone Wars cartoon, and partly with me subconsciously thinking… well, I’m getting ahead of myself.

Basically, Yoda appeared before me and he told me this:

Most perfect creation in all of the universe, a bubble is.

(Sort Of) Artistic Representation

I might have to agree with the sagely Jedi.  The way a bubble fights to be a perfect sphere, the way it captures and disperses reflections and light, there are plenty of reasons why Yoda might believe – or know – that.

But what does it mean?

Double bubble... so intense!

Dubble Bubble... not so intense...

In My Brain While Sleeping… Snooki Sneaked Into My Dreams

Posted on by sgottahurt

Snooki, Snooki, Snooki.

It’s so much easier to say than Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi.

Anyguido, the pint-sized Jersey Shore star left the Miami shoreline to invade my slumber and host a party in South Africa.

The festivities were to occur during a lunar eclipse, but she thought that the sun would be out at night.  Nonetheless, this upset her greatly.  But it was the bumper stickers on the billboard announcing her celebration that upset her more:

(Fairly) Artistic Representation

On some of the billboards, the bumper stickers were placed right on the bathtub picture.

She ended up getting real drunk and arrested in the morning.  It kinda looked like this:

Realistic Representation

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Simpsons Of The Futurama

Posted on by sgottahurt

To post this picture first might give away the punchline, but here we go anywiggums:

The All-New Depressing Simpsons!

I’ve dreamed in cartoon only once before (and also in comic strip), but now I’m able to add another to the short list.

Somehow, I knew this episode of The Simpsons came from five years from now, when the show would be in something like its 30th season.  Clearly out of ideas, the yellow family revamped itself in this way:

  • In the opening of the episode, it is revealed that Bart won a contest to be home plate umpire in a major league game.
  • For the last call of the game, he calls an outside pitch a strike, and the fans storm the field and trample him, in effect, killing him.
  • Upon further review of the call, it’s revealed at Bart’s wake that he was 100% correct.
  • Despondent, the Simpsons seek out and adopt a baby from Africa that looks a lot like Hermes from Futurama (even though he’s Jamaican).
  • Also, Milhouse moves into their home, since he too is riddled with grief.
  • Every joke that’s attempted throughout the episode falls flat, and a beat following every punchline, Milhouse sobs over what the show has become…

…just like all the old fans.

In My Brain While Sleeping… There’s An App For That?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I only give high-fives for Taco Bell...

 

This dream originally dealt with a weird cruise ship and a strange arcade, but it was odd in those ways you can’t explain. 

What I can explain was one stand-up arcade game that projected images on the touch screen that were to be emulated by using your hands, palms, and fingers.  Think Twister meets Flamin’ Finger. 

Regardless, the game would be much better suited on something portable, à la iPhone: 

("fingerpalm - what else were we going to call it" not available for Palm OS)

So for example, the above image would require the side of your right hand and one finger touch.  Possible?  No.  Fun?  Possibly. 

But if I could have my druthers, I’d rather have an app that could locate the closest Taco Bell to me at any given point. 

Taco Bell high-five!

If not that, then an app that played a pissing sound while I looked up answers to cheat at bar trivia… Don’t look at me like that!  Gift certificates that can be redeemed at a later date are on the line!

In Someone Else’s Brain While Sleeping… (I Need A Break)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I recently had a dream in which I invented wind-up watches.  I woke up thinking they were a crazy idea, and then I thought about how crazy i was to forget that they existed.

While on the subject of crazy, one of my friends told me about a woman she worked with and the recurring dream she had.

Over the course of fifteen years (FIFTEEN YEARS!), she often dreamed of Morgan Freeman standing in a waterfall, wearing a diaper, and holding her unborn twins in her arms.  She never had twins or lost them, I found out, because then it would have been sad… like Morgan Freeman was playing his usual role of God, and all that other psychoanalytic mumbo jumbo.

So since it wasn’t a downer, I simply could not resist trying to imagine what that looked like, and here was the result:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

In My Brain While Sleeping… Taylor Swift Returns To SNL (And I Suggest A Skit!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(I had this dream before I recently revisited New York.  That trip will be an upcoming tale I’m sure you will care less about than this trip.  You most likely don’t even care about this thing that happened In My Brain While Sleeping, and I’ve already lost you.  Have I lost you?  No…?  I guess if I lost you before reading this, you would have no idea I even cared that you were gone.  Because I do.  It helps my hit counter.  But I guess it counts as a hit whether you keep reading or not, so moving on…)

*Le sigh*

In this dream, singer (and now Actor!) Taylor Swift was making her second appearance on Saturday Night Live.

I was in the audience and a participant of the Try Out as a Comedy Writer Program.

I suggested a skit, and the producers ran with it.

The concept was this: Swift was trying to sell a baby on the black market to none other than Kristen Wiig (she’s like in every skit).

The lovely chanteuse messed up line the punchline about taking the baby for one million dollars, instead of selling.

Wiig’s character finally agrees, and Swift hands the baby over.  But the catch is that the infant has a tail (like that one baby in India), but it’s more like a boa.

A little bit of this mixed with a little bit of that...

I ended up meeting the baby later and it could talk, à la Baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

That catch was he had a beard, à la Chippy from Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show Great Job!

A little bit of this mixed with a little bit of that...

WTF is wrong with my subconscious?

In My Brain While Sleeping… What’s Wrong With My Subconscious?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don't get it either, Catherine, and it was my dream.

This dream played like a movie starring Actor! Catherine O’Hara.   To begin, she and her family lose their home, so they move into a college dorm.

Upon arriving, they realized they packed their dog in the luggage and it peed over all her suits.

Suit case. Dog. Internet win.

(Oh yeah… it should be mentioned that she pretended to be a man a long time ago to “compete in a man’s world” and become an executive at her office, until they fired her and forced her to relocate to the college dorm.)

You're not fooling anybody, Mary Poppins.

In this new town with new possibilities, she interviews for a new job, still playing a guy.  The new twist on her old method – the guy she’s playing will be playing Dorothy in the company’s new Wizard of Oz cross promotion.

Meanwhile, the boss falls in love with him, knowing she’s a her the whole time.

Truly, the only cool part was the fight scene in the falling house.  During the tornado scene, Dorothy kicked the Wicked Witch’s ass.  It was a lot like the Matrix, except the aerial acrobatics made sense…

…even though this dream did not.

Why? Why not.

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Buried Life Meets Darkwing Duck

Posted on by sgottahurt

Do Not Try This At... IHOP

The Buried Life is a rare treat on MTV… hell, make that TV in general.

It follows four Canadian friends as they embark on crossing items off of their bucket list.  As they seek to accomplish their various feats, they also help others complete things they want to do before they die.  It’s all quite positive.

This dream I had served as an origin story for the guys.  One of them (I assume Dave) had this item on his list:

Freeze a microwave and then use it… like a reverse TV dinner.

I don’t know the steps involved in the process, but basically, he ends up blowing up the house.  And that’s the reason they leave in their big purple bus, Bessie.

Another thing I can’t quite recall is what their first mission happened to be, but this image might give a clue about the first “person” they helped:

I wanted this to turn out better...

It was Launchpad McQuack, formerly of DuckTales and Darkwing Duck.

He was trying to find Gosalyn Mallard, adopted daughter of Darkwing Duck’s alter-ego, Drake.  So the crew gathered in the bus and began the search.

"Look! There she is!"

There she is indeed.

DREAM INGREDIENTS: Bagels… with peanut butter on it.