InASense Lost

InASense, Lost… I Didn’t Even Know They Were Broken Up

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sometimes ignorance is bliss (or is it always?), and this case of ignorance is a mixed bag.

On one hand, it’s good that I didn’t know this.  On the other hand, how did I not know this?  If I’m supposed to be on top of pop culture, how did Barbie and Ken’s breakup fly under my pink radar?

Well apparently, toy maker Mattel is letting the fans decide if they should get back together:

Just in time for Valentine's Day!

Since they’ve broken up in 2004, these are a few of the people the iconic doll has been documented as dating:

  • Blaine

*Not siblings

Alliteration is a popular device in poetry; it’s rarely regarded as all right in relationships.  Blaine was introduced to the Barbie line of toys almost immediately after she and Ken broke up.  Talk about moving fast.  The Australian surfer was instantly popular, and Ken wasn’t even manufactured dropped off the grid for two years.  A lot of people are crediting Barbie and Ken’s appearance in Toy Story 3 as the reason for the reignited romance… needless to say, Blaine has since fired his agent.

  • He-Man

Master of the Universe... not his domain

After a bit of a blow-up with Blaine, Barbie was caught going on a few dates with the alter-ego of Prince Adam.  The reason she cited for the short courtship:

Let’s just say every time he passed a mirror, he couldn’t help but touch his… Orko.  He was a chronic Master of His Universe.

  • Peter Venkman

 

Don't cross his stream.

 

Barbie was admittedly starstruck when she met the world-famous Ghostbuster.  They only went on one date though, because he seemed haunted by his former lover, Dana Barrett.  As all the celebrity tabloids perpetually pointed out, Dana dumped poor Peter for this guy:

 

Peter's been blue ever since...

 

  • Willrow Hood

 

Busy running from danger, with his trusty ice cream maker

 

Barbie met Willrow Hood while vacationing at Bespin City.  She really thought it could go somewhere, but nothing would ever come between him and his ice cream maker.  After this trip, she was offered her role in Toy Story 3, so the rest, as they say, happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

(SIDENOTE: BTW, they’re back together.)

InASense, Lost… Good Ol’ Days Of Cross-Dressing

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t remember this commercial, so I guess that means I must have repressed it:

The only time any such imagery should be used would be in order to sell this:

Are there nuts in that tossed salad?

InASense, Lost… Kiss My Zodiac

Posted on by sgottahurt

 

How fucking stupid is this sign?

 

The more I think about this, the more angry I get.  It’s this exact kind of crap that makes people skeptics about astrology in the first place.

Though I loathe to admit it – I’m kind of into the zodiac.  I’ve read enough things about Capricorns (what I am) to see the merit of it all.

Do I find astrology to be absolute? Absolutely not.

But are there some truths in there? I’d at least say there are patterns.

My belief in the entire zodiac affair is comparable to the whole nature vs. nurture debate, in the sense that the your birth sign has designs about your life, but not necessarily much influence.

I view it as the explanation to why you click with some people instantly, and reject others just as easily.  It’s also the reason why people in my life that share the same birth signs have the same types of friendships with me.

But this Ophiucus (“o-few-cus”) garbage has me butting my head against the wall (like a Goat would, but not necessarily like a Cap).  It’s New Age-y mumbo-jumbo.  It seems like cockamamie bullcrap manifested out of thin air… like horoscopes.

It’s like everything I’ve ever defended with…

It’s not made up!  They know what they’re doing!

…is happening all over again…

 

"It's not made up! They know what they're doing!"

 

InASense, Lost… The Limitlessness Of Laziness

Posted on by sgottahurt

On one hand, this might not be a bad idea.

On no hands, it’s like a Bluetooth (I guess).

It's a hamburger-monica!

The infamous they always say, “Find a need and fill it.”  But unless this little handy handless food device isn’t pre-sold like this, the amount of time it saves can’t be much.  Besides, can you imagine trying to type while a cheeseburger is staring you right in the face?  I know I’m finishing it before I get any work done.

For instance, if I had this contraption, I wouldn’t have even found it on this site to write this post.  It’d be finished before I sat down to type.  It’d be finished on the car ride home (heaven knows I’m not making it).  It might not make it out of the drive-thru.  So if I had to ready the hands-free sandwich holder, I would have eaten the sandwich way before it made it the wire frame.

I hope for the inventor’s sake, it’s not real.

That is, unless fatteries are included.

InASense, Lost… What Disturbs Me More?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I was all prepared to do a whole diatribe about this racist Duncan Hines cupcakes ad, but then I realized that site already did it justice (although not much funny).

Also… I found that this disturbed me more:

After watching, I’m sure a lot of people might be inclined to say:

Of course it’s German!

But then I realized these toys came from America and suddenly, clay-pooping dachshunds don’t seem so bad.

As for Duncan Hines – they still have mud on their face.  (There was probably a better way to say that.)

InASense, Lost… (Racist) Kids These Days

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you’ve ever seen the film version of the beloved comic strip Marmaduke, I’m sorry then you’re well aware of all the obvious anti-white sentiment sprinkled throughout.

Oh, you didn’t notice it?  Then I’ll let Andrew of The Andrew Show enlighten you, emphasis on lighten, with a dash of a speech impediment:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

(In case the video doesn't work, click the Videogum link below)

(video via Videogum)

To clean your palette, howzabout some Baby Inception:

InASense, Lost… Garfield Hates Mondays, And Veterans Apparently

Posted on by sgottahurt

Whoo, boy… you’re going to have to sit down for this one because itza doozy, lemme tell you.

Garfield creator Jim Davis recently apologized for this:

 

Talk about "Wooof" (see the last post)

 

I mean, it’s not only an affront to this nation’s veterans (you read the linked article above, right?)*, but it’s also terribly…

…not funny.

Seriously, why the fuck is this shit still being produced and published?  I’d have to harken back to a time in my youth when I looooved Garfield, but even now, I’m hard-pressed to recall if I ever thought the strip was humorous.

I think my reason for liking him stems from the fact that he was the first character I taught myself how to draw, or it’s simply because I had limited options outside of Peanuts, Blondie, and Cathy.  (This time frame falls well before the genius that was Calvin & Hobbes, and his pissed-off merchandising rip-offs.  And come to think of it, at this time in my life, I did enjoy ABC’s TGIF lineup.)

In closing, this atrocity needs to meet its end, and if he’s lucky… maybe we’ll celebrate a National Stupid Day in his honor.

*It was published on Veteran’s Day.

JusWondering And InASense, Lost… Could This Actually Taste Good, And F— You Up?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I sure loves me some chocolate milk.  It is pure delight, especially with Oreos and Chips Ahoy!

I also sure loves me some booze.  It is pure delight with Taco Bell and pizza!

But can the two work together?  This company sure thinks so…

Introducing Adult Chocolate Milk!

What do they mean re-taste?! I still drink chocolate milk!

With a 20% alcohol content, it better leave you feeling dairy effed up.  Too bad it’s only available in Arizona, California, and Minnesota currently, and it’s super expensive to ship.  Because I could really go for some booze and cookies…

InASense, Lost… My Sensibilities Are Waning

Posted on by sgottahurt

The older things get, the more faded they become.  Take these two instances as examples of my fading mindset.

  • I thought this was funny.

Apparently, there’s a company named this:

Getrag is an automotive supplier that makes transmissions.  I never heard of them prior to driving past one of their plants, and I found their name to be humorous in a juvenile way, but if you asked me to explain why, my answer would be fuzzy at best.

  • I thought this was creepy.

This all might have happened on the same day, but one of these pulled up behind me, and I thought it looked evil:

 

Hyundai Santa Fe

 

It’s not like I had seen one before (maybe I haven’t), but the design is intimidating.  At least it was in person.

Man, was I off my game that day… or just hung over…

InASense, Lost… This UFO Stuff Is Really Starting To Get To Me

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s one thing when rednecks and daytime talk shows are talking about the true existence of aliens (or my drunk friends after witnessing strange lights over the ocean at night while on a cruise), but it’s a whole ‘nother thing when Stephen Hawking, the Vatican, high-ranking government officials, U.S. Air Force missile silo operators, and China are chatting it up.

And then there’s this:

I know I’ve mentioned my top three fears on this site before, but I would like to officially add a fourth.

4) Aliens