Drunken Recollection… Garfield And Lil Wayne Really Like Lasagna

They also hate Mondays (but they do love themselves).

Again, this is a song that’s been out for a long time, but I only recently listened to Lil Wayne’s 6’7′ enough to hear this lyric:

Real Gs move in silence like lasagna…

I was drinking heavily at the time, so my bemusement over such a strange lyric was definitely intensified.  There’s plenty of “controversy” over whether the G in lasagna really is silent, amongst other things, but I find rhyming lasagna with behind ya and kinda to be kinda lazy… another thing Garfield and Lil Wayne have in common.

(SIDENOTE: It’s only fair to admit that at least he’s not making up words to rhyme.)

What I posit to question is why not choose any of these other words with real silent G’s:

  • campaign
  • design
  • diaphragm
  • foreigner
  • gnat
  • gnaw
  • gnome
  • reign
  • resign
  • sign

What I propose to attempt is my own rap using the above words… *clears throat*

Imma design a campaign to send pain yo way
To gnaw at you raw till you fall like Bin Lay-
Den you can roam the globe like some gnome with no home
Foreign lands full of gnats and king’s coal and no comb
By the size of your sighs, diaphragm’s showin’ signs
Your reign will stop raining, you’re not Shaq – you resigned

I don’t know where that “anger” came from… *bows*

Oh wait, I forgot this line: Real Gs move in silence like bologna

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InASense, Lost… Garfield Hates Mondays, And Veterans Apparently

Whoo, boy… you’re going to have to sit down for this one because itza doozy, lemme tell you.

Garfield creator Jim Davis recently apologized for this:

 

Talk about "Wooof" (see the last post)

 

I mean, it’s not only an affront to this nation’s veterans (you read the linked article above, right?)*, but it’s also terribly…

…not funny.

Seriously, why the fuck is this shit still being produced and published?  I’d have to harken back to a time in my youth when I looooved Garfield, but even now, I’m hard-pressed to recall if I ever thought the strip was humorous.

I think my reason for liking him stems from the fact that he was the first character I taught myself how to draw, or it’s simply because I had limited options outside of Peanuts, Blondie, and Cathy.  (This time frame falls well before the genius that was Calvin & Hobbes, and his pissed-off merchandising rip-offs.  And come to think of it, at this time in my life, I did enjoy ABC’s TGIF lineup.)

In closing, this atrocity needs to meet its end, and if he’s lucky… maybe we’ll celebrate a National Stupid Day in his honor.

*It was published on Veteran’s Day.

Drunken Recollection…The Mysteries Of Mexico

While on vacation a couple weeks ago in Mehico, I picked up a few things other than the Spanish language (and The Clap… you all know The Clap… it goes with this song:

and… end parenthetical).

Anyquién, I also decided I loathe the above remake, but that’s neither here nor there.  Well, it was there, at the resort, where my dislike upgraded to loathe because they played it every day at the pool.  Now onto the mysteries!

MYSTERY 1) A fair amount of time ago, a friend was telling me about a documentary he watched on Animal Planet or Discovery that was about “cutie fish.”  He told me about how they are amongst the smartest invertebrates, and about their survival methods.  Interesting, thought I, and I preceded to look them up… and found nothing.

In Mexico, some friends went snorkeling and mentioned that they saw “cuttlefish.”  Which look like this:

cuttlefish

Neither a fish, nor cute.

And match the description given by my friend in regard to “cutie fish.”

MYSTERY – SOLVED!

MYSTERY 2) In my relaxing vacational TV viewing, I stumbled across a cartoon featuring a bunch of eggs that were battling, while some eggs were tied to a roller coaster track.  One of them was friends with a strip of bacon, and one guy looked like this:

eggdude

(Not So) Artistic Representation

It didn’t help that it was in Spanish, but I’ve not been able to find anything like it on Google image search.

BONUS MYSTERY: There was some CGI black and white movie that was in English, and it had a fairly intense shower sex scene.  The main character’s name was Don Hudson, and he was being hunted by people the woman he just slept showered with called.  There were reed accents throughout.  Google search?  Nada.

MYSTERIES – UNSOLVED

MYSTERY 3) In other TV viewing, there was some crappy Danny DeVito movie (I found out was entitled, Other People’s Money), and his character’s name was Larry Garfield.  Now that’s not much on its own (although it was weird I had just watched Stand and Deliver and the school it took place at was also named Garfield High School), but after watching Shoot ‘Em Up, I theorized Odie meant “hate.”

Got home and Babel Fished it:

odietranslation

Boo-yah!  Mystery solved!  But a newer mystery remained.  Did Garfield creator Jim Davis name his yellow dog this because his feline star hated him?

Apparently, no:

Odie was based on a car dealership commercial written by Jim Davis, which featured Odie the Village Idiot.  Davis liked the name Odie and decided to use it again.

MYSTERIES – (UNSATISFACTORILY) SOLVED!

MYSTERY 4) Um, Boston Legal was called Justicia Ciega.  What did it translate to?  I figured justicia = legal, but what did ciega mean?  Well on another show or movie (I don’t recall which one), a car accident almost occurred and a woman screamed, “What are you, blind?”  Ciega flashed on the bottom.  Boston Legal = Justicia Ciega = Blind Justice.

MYSTERY – SOLVED!

MYSTERY 5) Why did I spend so much time watching TV?

MYSTERY – UNSOLVED…

Happy Find… Michael Jackson Auction Items

This bit of info is about as late as my mail usually is (curse you enemy couriers!), but Mr. Moonwalk himself, Michael Jackson, recently hosted an auction of his fabulous stuff in Beverly Hills

Scratch that: he charged people $20 a (king of) pop to look at all his crazy shit, and then up and cancelled the auction.  But not before Lindy West of Slog (or should I say, of The Stranger?) was able to get in and snap a few pics.

Some highlights (not the magazine for children, though I’m sure MJ had a subscription):

Who drew this? That kid my eighth grade class that always doodled Garfield, Q-Bert, and ALF? (In other words - me.)

Who drew this? That kid in grade school that always doodled Garfield, Q-Bert, and ALF? (In other words - me.)

Creepy doesn't begin to explain this thing.

Creepy doesn't even begin to explain this thing...

Creepy definitely is a good start here.

Creepy is definitely a good start here...

Click on the links above the photos for even more insanity.

 (Thanks Veness)

Happy Find… Garfield Minus Garfield (Plus Garfield Elsewhere)

There’s a cool website out there called Garfield Minus Garfield, which takes Garfield out of his eponymous uncool strip.  The orginal is by Jim Davis; the reinvention is by Dan Walsh.  Sample:

It's like my life, except I don't have a cat...

It's like my life, except I don't have a cat... but neither does he...

 So I started thinking… since Garfield was unemployed, what if he took on roles in other comic strips?

(NOTE: I planned on making more, but these were quite timing comsuming for a lazy person like me.)

peanutsgarfield1

calvingarfiled

(Original source comics after jump)

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