As I (unabashedly) brought to your attention in my last Happy Find, I started another blog called Micro Mike Rowe. I began that punny wonder on April 20th.
Then on April 26th, this bit appeared on Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Enjoy Little Danson Man:
Hmm… my cut-and-paste craze is barely off the ground, and one screwball skit makes a trend not.
But then yesterday, on May 3rd’sAttack of the Show, apropos of nothing, co-host Morgan Webb appeared between segments as Tiny Morgan. Alas there is no available clip of that, but this bit immediately followed it. As (barely) proof, check out Kristin Adams opening for The Feed (or check this vid at the 2:54 mark):
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Morgan Webb is much more fun to edit than Mike Rowe... Sorry, buddy...
We’ve been busier at work the last few months (hence me running behind on new posts at times), so my friend/boss Paul has been unable to create a new list to share. Today, before heading to golf, he created this new list to share.
CD's may soon go the way of the phonograph...
Top 5 Songs About Obsolete Technology
5.)Spiderwebs– No Doubt What’s Obsolete: screening phone calls over answering machines What’s Replaced It: caller ID Shelf-Life for Replacement: indefinite
I felt real old when my five year-old daughter asked me, ‘What’s a record, dad?’
What’s Replaced It: CD’s (also, Right Round by Flo Rida) Shelf-Life for Replacement: ever hear of iPods or Pandora?
2) Escape (The Pina Colada Song – Rupert Holmes What’s Obsolete: personal ads in the newspaper What’s Replaced It: Craigslist and web dating services Shelf-Life for Replacement: as long as people are looking for other strangers to screw, they’ll be around
1) Beepers – Sir Mix-A-Lot What’s Obsolete: pagers What’s Replaced It: cell phones Shelf-Life for Replacement: until they implant telecommunications into our brains, cell phones are it
While driving to the radio and jamming my car (wait I think I mixed that up), I was listening to a Bob Marley song. I always thought it was called “Don’t Worry,” but then I started to worry about the perception of reality when it was revealed to me that the song was in fact called “Three Little Birds.” My universe came crashing down around me. I screamed at the top of my lungs:
How could anyone do this to me?!
But then I realized Marley does mention three little birds in the song, and all was well with the world. And it’s not like any other musicians have ever given their song a title, and then not repeated the titular line in their lyrics.
Here’s a list of musicians and their songs that don’t use the title in the lyrics:
Surprisingly, I’m not as big of a candy junkie as one might think. Heaven knows I used to be in my high school/college years, but not so much anymore. In those days, I ate two candy bars per day (Caramel Twix and PB Max). But that’s neither here nor there nor hear nor their nor hair nor they’re nor hare nor Nair.
AnyWhoppers, that’s not what this post is about. There is something awfully wrong with this M&M’s commercial. see if you can pick it out:
If you imagined Green working a stripper pole, I WIN! (Plus, I also lose as well as you.) If you didn’t, then check out this awful choice of words:
Now that I’m clean-shaven and no longer look like this:
The bird is the word.
Or this:
I must admit, I missed my face. I went through one day of phantom beard, but that was it. I should mention my regret for removing the season-long Red Wings hockey beard on the first day of the Stanley Cup playoffs, but in order to fly to NYC without hassle, it seemed worth the hassle. (Thank goatee they’re advancing to Round 2!)
Anysubway, I won’t bore you with the details. All the details. Just some of them.
Jay was Hitting One Liners Out of the Park
"Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd that wanted to beat up a guy for wearing a Mets' cap..."
On Friday, we headed to Yankee Stadium to see two of our beloved ex-Tigers play (Curtis Granderson and, um, Marcus Thames), and all day, my buddy Jay was calling ’em like he saw ’em.
Some of things he said that were actually documented:
I need to stop calling these trips vacations and start calling them work out retreats.
If I owned that shirt it’d be my third favorite shirt.
Hey I’m paying twenty bucks to look at empty stages tomorrow.
Steve: Who sings ‘I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone?’
Jay: Ke$ha.
What are you? A garbophobe?
It’s getting all Wendy’s up in here! [This one was mine. – Ed.]
“It’s Getting All Wendy’s Up in Here!”
I wish I had photos as proof, but Wendy’s in Midtown is, simply put, insane. I don’t think it was an isolated incident either. The show Ugly Americans even gave a shout out to it.
At any rate, the breakdown of events (this all happened within fifteen minutes):
Some one threw their filled drink in the air.
A sober girl was trying to get a trashed girl up the stairs.
Steve slipped on the spilled drink and dropped everything but his drink.
Chris tripped down some stairs while holding only the top bun covered in its toppings. (He wanted a plain one.)
Somebody left a strange package on one of the tables. (I checked what it was, damned if I remember.)
A person kept screaming about how he wanted to kill everyone, and no one reacted.
I don’t know. It seemed much crazier when I was trashed.
I’m So Proud of Myself for Something Not Proud
This photo's fuzziness doesn't even come close to my eyes' fuzziness that night.
On Saturday, we found a bar called No Idea and like the bar’s name, we had no idea what was in store (hee!). We stopped here after not getting to play ping-pong at Susan Sarandon’s Spin because they were closing for a private party.
BONUS JAY QUOTE!
Here I was under the impression none of us played ping-pong.
The plan was this: kick back a few cheap drinks, make our way to bar hop in East Village, and finally check out P.D.T.’s in Crif Dogs (our missed mission from last year). Let’s just say that plan’s quickly becoming an annual tradition.
As soon as the drinks kept flowing (courtesy of an all-you-can-drink party), the remainder of the night became a blur.
Oh yeah – my proud moment… I threw up and quickly returned to drink more. I never knew I had it in me to do that!
The Drunk Idea of the Trip
Andrew Dice Clay’s reality show should have been called Rollin’ with Dice. I was going to make a graphic, but fuck it (heehee!).
This might be two handfuls worth of companies that could use some help in their advertising departments, but nonetheless – they should rethink their business plans.
1) Toyota has had some issues with vehicles not stopping. Vehicles not stopping has led to some… let’s just say, people going to heaven. Heaven is in the clouds last time I checked:
2) Happy’s Pizza is a chain here in Detroit. “Happy” looks a bit too happy in their ad. So is that a hot pizza in his hands, or is it a… (should I beat around the bush, or should I be blunt?)
3) Universal Technical Institute is what it is. UTI.edu is not.
I recently learned you’re not supposed to eat more than 2000 calories a day. Apparently, this is why there has been all the hoo-hah about calories for yearrrrssss…
I thought this fake commercial was inspired by the scare-tactic style of old Brinks Security commercials. I thought Broadview Security was a clever, mock name (because they view broads, you see). Check it out here:
Imagine my surprise when this was revealed to me (man, AJ is an a-hole!):
For other unintentionally funny scares, click each of the names below (FYI – the above vid is entitled “The House Party”… because he was a kid looking for play, I guess):
This occurred on the last episode hosted by Ryan Phillippe, and I can’t stop laughing about it:
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Then I found out about this, and I can’t stop laughing about it more:
My Drunken Recollection has been proven, right? I wish I had seen these videos in the opposite order, but oh well. Just add it to the list of magical mysteries, under blankets and magnets…
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