It’s way overdue and slightly undercooked, but here’s the latest offering of my boss’ opinion. Paul, who once upon a time was simply my “friend,” simply luuurves Family Guy. This list is the fruit of his looms his labor:
Top Five Favorite “Family Guy” Moments
5) Drinking game where Quagmire loses (click here for video)
4) “Puke-A-Thon” [Not to be confused with Stand By Me’sBarf-O-Rama. – Ed.]
3) First appearance of Greased Up Deaf Guy
2) Peter competes with his real dad in a drinking game (click here)
In deciding between calling myself a netaholic or a webaholic, it was only then that I realized the similarities between a “net” and a “web,” and I wondered if such naming was on purpose, but I digress…
Allow me to reiterate. I. Am. Addicted. To the TripleDoubleU. (I was tired of using these “.” for a moment.)
I’d like to blame it on the stock market crashing and I will.
See, I work in IT, and just like how a stripper doesn’t enjoy bringing her work home (maybe that was a bad example), I wasn’t too keen on doing much on the web once I got home. I had five blogs I regularly read, and I played on the Hollywood Stock Exchange (my user name is TakeOne if interested). Otherwise I did banking and billing (and occasional drunk purchases on Amazon or DeepDiscount).
But when the market crashed and EVERYONE panicked, my company’s clients held their breath and stopped calling, and I was suddenly left with a lot of free time on my hands. I never got into MyBook or FaceSpace, so I started checking out this whole blogging thing. Voila! MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo was born.
But now I’m in a bit of a crisis. Over the last six months, I’ve kinda developed a needto be online. First off, I have way more than five blogs to read on a daily basis. Plus I have two (and sometimes more if I feel like it) of my own to tend to. Throw in my recent crippling desire to Twitter, and it’s borderline unbearable. For example, how am I supposed to watch TV and DVD’s without a functioning laptop on top of my lap (functioning = online).
Where the major crisis stems from is the fact that the neighbor’s wifi I’ve been “borrowing” seems to have been cancelled. I believe this started April 1st, and I’m beginning to lose my mind.
I live in Detroit, and my only option for a provider is Comcast, and I can’t stand Comcast (although I do love their new commercials). So here I sit. Writing this blog. Using dial-up.
Also, I feel a kindred spirit in last season’s South Park episode, “Over Logging.” If you haven’t seen it, check it out here. Just be warned – there is a very gross scene that even Trey Parker couldn’t believe they got away with putting on TV.
Okay, sure, maybe I’m just being whiny, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t find it fair that no one else but Comcast has upgraded lines in my area to give us consumers some options.
Okay, I really didn’t plan on loading this front page with all these videos, but life happens. Move or be moved. Dance or be danced… or something like that.
And I’m technically a day late on both of these (well two days for the first one), so hopefully you have yet to bear witness to the Lonely Island and Film Cow’s latest masterpieces:
I’d never proclaim to be a huge fan of wrestling. Even back before the World Wildlife Fund made them change their name, I wasn’t too into any of the WrestleManias or the Sunday matches. A few of my friends were, though, so the WWE superstars of the day blipped my pop culture radar. And a little cartoon BITD (“back in the day”) also helped:
But since this Sunday (tomorrow) is WrestleMania XXV, I’m going to post the best things I ever think came out of the WWF WWE… BITD, of course.
5) “Macho Man” Randy Savage sure did love him some Slim Jims. Why it’s relevant to me? On a trip to Houston, Texas, there was one day I devoted to eating only Slim Jims and pickles, and drinking MGD. The next day I devoted to the hotel bathroom.
4) Andre the Giant was in The Princess Bride. Why it’s relevant to me? I always thought he seemed like a nice guy, and the movie helped confirm that (if I remember correctly). Man, I haven’t seen that movie in a long time. All I truly remember is the scene where Wesley and the “Inconceivable!” guy keep switching poisoned glasses. And Inigo Montoya, of course.
3) Sargent Slaughter was a G.I. Joe toy and on the cartoon! Why it’s relevant to me? He was on the cartoon! (I wasn’t allowed to collect G.I. Joe because they were too much like Star Wars, according to my mom.)
2) Rowdy Roddy Piper was in John Carpenter’s They Live. Why it’s relevant to me? Just watch this clip and tell me it’s not relevant to you.
1) Hulk Hogan was a Real American. Why it’s relevant to me? Um, Hulk Hogan plays on an electric guitar painted like the American flag standing in front of an American flag like he’s motherfucking General Patton just before a scene of a building being demolished. That’s just the first 30 seconds! And it only gets better, I promise you…
I’ve had some doozies of dreams lately. Alone, they probably don’t amount to much, but together… they still don’t probably amount to much. I just think the cast has been strange of late, so here they are, collected as an anthology, separated by photos, natch.
It's a D.L.T. (Duchovny + Leoni + Travolta)
In this dream, David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were still together, and they happened to be the parents of my friend/boss Paul’s kids (his lists are begrudgingly featured on this very site). Does this mean that I subconsciously refer to them as such? WTF do I know?
Anytruthisoutthere, the family went to a campground where the parents and kids stayed on opposite sides. The twisted purpose of the camp was to make the parents forget about their kids as they are set off into the real world alone. Pretty Roald Dahl-type stuff here.
So as the weeks and months go by, the two tykes survive in the world with the help of a magical friend, played by John Travolta, looking exactly like he does above for his role in The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3. As he helps Paul’s kids find their way back to Dave and Tea, Dave and Tea slowly remember that they have kids they need to find. They prepare to leave the campground after six months, and the child-hating neighbors become suspicious. When readying to leave their house (must have been a fancy campground), everyone stares through their front windows at them. It was creepy, trust me.
See what happens when you put Charles in charge.
This was kind of a quick snippet. In the dream, the TripleDoubleU was all in a tizzy because allegedly there was a quick nude scene in an old episode of Charles in Charge, featuring Nicole Eggert.
Way to go subconscious. Make dream nudity as geeky as possible.
"Melanie Chartoff and Neil Flynn were sitting in a tree..."
I was back in high school in this dream, and the Principal from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose(season one coming to DVD June 30th – yay!) and the Janitor from Scrubs were my principal and janitor. And I caught them. Making out. And possibly more. I was having a bad day in the dream (of course), and after bearing witness to their deeds, I knew I had carte blanche. I whistled as I walked the halls, long after the class bells rang.
Meet my brother. He's a Muppet.
In this last bit, I was in a JC Penney for some reason. Everybody was dancing around like I was in some sort of musical. My brother appeared to me in the form of a Muppet and he lead me into the part of the store that basically was Sesame Street. This probably has to do with what I got him as a birthday gift, but still… weird.
INGREDIENTS: Peanut butter bagels, and probably my growing Twitter addiction (don’t believe my addiction… just check out my last three posts).
UPDATE: It was a stupid April Fool’s joke, but then again, look at the perpetrator.
You can see the great certainty with which I’m announcing the the fact that Heidi Montag Tweeted that she’s not only expecting, but she’s hoping it’s a boy. Is it an April Fool’s Joke?
Now, I must admit… I’m still not sure the page is real. She does so much “Bible thumping” and “God is great!” singing and dancing, that it seemed out of character for her. But alas, I (obviously) do not know her, and I don’t live in L.A. to verify her events, such as her supposed Ryan Seacrest show appearance that was cancelled, so it could be real.
BONUS: Click here to hear her new songs. Oh, the timing of it all! What kismet! Hahaha… KIIS-met! That’s Seacrest’s station! And did you also know season five of The Hillsstarts April 6th? Such serendipity! Extra emphasis on the dipity!
Snuggies have taken pop culture by storm, and in this case, a baby hostage.
I know thought I’ve written about them before, and I know thought I’ve posted this video before (it’s a shame when you can’t even find shit on your site), but here we go again for the first time(?):
But how does one even go about putting on a Baby Snuggie? It has to be one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen AND one of the worst ideas on top of that! Think about it. Babies make stinkies a lot… and unless you’re a fan of Dutch ovens (no, not that link – this one), do you really want to wear a sweater that captures that scent? And uh, if you have a baby attached to your hipchest, how are you going to challenge those Muay Thai fighters and save the rec center?
Now I’m not knocking Snuggies on all accounts. There are pub crawls held for good causes that require participants be cloaked in the backwards robes. I may even participate in one… Who’s thinkin’ drink specials?
I’m just wondering what the next comfort craze will be. Perhaps this?
I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth. No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)
It’s even better than that:
I completely forgot about them! And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:
Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?
McDino Changeables? Isn’t that going a little bit too far?
But how could I ever forget this crew:
They're like the Village People of fast food.
I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).
Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.
The other day, as I was walking into the office, I realized something. Although I had parked in a far spot and the quickest route to the building’s entrance would have been over the grass, I followed the concrete walk.
But am I not a trailblazer? Am I not a man of my own convictions? I thought about this for a bit once I got to my desk, and I chalked it up to being “green” and worrying about “the environment.”
Then later, as I was logging into Twitter to do some Tweeting, I thought about how popular the micro-blogging site seems to be getting since I joined in the fun, and it lead me to wonder… did I sign up before I started hearing about it everywhere, or did I sign up because I started hearing about it everywhere?
Then later still, I found myself taking a survey… and as I awaited the results, I hoped I was in the majority. I longed for getting mixed in with the masses. (Sure, it was a survey about Chris Brown and Rihanna, so of course I would pray that the majority was thinking like me.) But I always thought of myself as a guy that lived outside the box, not in it (unless perhaps I am the box… doubt it).
So who else out there thinks this commercial is funny enough to make it their voice mail?
While Paul’s out of the office and off dreaming up new lists on vacation, I thought I would play catch up. We’ve been too busy at work (and I’m not posting my boss’ lists while I’m playing at home), so since I have a slight chance to breathe today, here we go:
Top 5 Professional Sports Moments[Ed. – Local anyway, and without further explanation]
1.) 1997 Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs
2.) 1997 Michigan Football NCAA Champs
3.) 1989 Michigan Basketball NCAA Champs
4.) 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series Champs
5.) 2008 Detroit Lions fire Matt Millen
[Ed. – Oh yeah. Guess where Paul went to college…]
Top Five 80’s Cartoon Theme Songs[Ed. – With explanations and video!]
1.) G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – “He’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble…” (This should replace the Star Spangled Banner.)
2.) Transformers – “More than meets the eye…” (Song seemed to be ahead of it’s time.)
3.) The Wuzzles – “Two types of fun, wrapped up and rolled… into one!” (What could be better?)
4.) M.A.S.K. – “Masked crusaders, working overtime, fighting crime.” (Song passes the time test.) [Ed. – I had to twist his arm to get this included – it’s my favorite.]
5.) Silverhawks – “Partly metal, partly real.” (Very underated show. Plus, it has a sweet guitar solo.)
Top Five Stores That No Longer Exist (Now in Reverse Order)[Ed. – My favorite list so far.]
5.) The Old Ballpark – Every baseball card collector’s favorite store located in Livonia. If you wanted mint rookie cards of Alan Trammell or Lou Whitaker, this place had ’em.
4.) Great Scott, A&P, Farmer Jack (all lumped in together) – I do have the fondest memories of Great Scott, as it was our old school place to buy groceries. [Ed. – “Old school,” as in O.G. boyee!]
3.) Highland Appliance – “50 watts per channel babycake!” Oh, the memories of buying our first 27″ color tv and our first camcorder, which was VHS-C.
2.) Babbage’s (honorable mention goes to Egghead Software) – I remember browsing the shelves of hundreds of games for my 286 PC at Fairlane Mall.
1.) Children’s Palace – Heaven on Earth to all of us kids who grew up in the 80’s. Enough said. [Ed. – Also, my first job.]
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