Music

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… What Kind Of Class Song Is This?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here’s what I would have might have written if I had a blog in 1993.  It’s what I still think today.

Abandoned Slogan: "Good thing she drives him crazy."

When I graduated grade school four years ago, the song She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals was selected as our class song, and I was completely against it.  The only problem?  I had no other suggestions.  What does She Drives Me Crazy have anything to do with leaving the eighth grade anyway?  Is it a critique of our teacher?  Even FYC’s Good Thing would have made a tad more sense, as in:

Good thing we’re graduating.

So as my high school graduation approached, talk of a class song came up.  I wasn’t going to get super involved, of course, but I knew one of the girls that was.  So I decided to throw a song idea her way.

She stated the group was considering Billy Joel’s This is the Time, which I agreed with, but it was already seven years old.  Plus, it trudged up memories of grade school… why didn’t I think to suggest that song?

She continued to add that Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle’s A Whole New World was another option.  Again, I wasn’t against it; my standards were pretty low.  But I still had my suggestion to float.

Then she brought up Amy Grant’s I Will Remember You.  I’ll admit it – I had a crush on the Christian-rocker-turned-pop-star, so I almost didn’t share my idea.  I said almost.

It wasn’t even my idea, anyway.  My buddy’s graduating class chose Van Halen’s Right Now, so I thought it would make a great statement to our teachers.  A rockin’ anthem of moving on; a slamming slight against our private school establishment.

Just like She Drives Me Crazy.  (Lesson learned.)

Well, even though Right Now was good enough for Crystal Pepsi, it wasn’t good enough for us.

In fact, none of those songs made the cut.  Our class song ended up being Alphaville’s Forever Young.  I’ve never even heard of that song!  They didn’t play it at graduation, so where else am I supposed to hear this stupid song?!  It’s not like I can command the radio to play whatever song I summon…

MODERN SIDENOTE: It would take many, many years for me to eventually hear Forever Young.  Man, does it suck or what?  Even the cover version sucks.  Also, want to know why I never heard of it?  The German synthpop song was already nine years old in 1993.

Musical Musings… Come On, Get Higher, Dude

Posted on by sgottahurt

A little pretentious, but sufferable.

That guy is singer/songwriter Matt Nathanson.  You may know him from his first overplayed song, Come On Get Higher.  Or you might know him for his latest-to-be-overplayed song, Your Body is a Wonderland II Faster:

Notice anything different?

Oh shut up.

Really, dude?  You’re already married.  You don’t need to try that hard.

He doesn’t listen.

On top of that, have you really paid attention to Faster’s lyrics?  This part’s a tad risqué:

You’re so delicious
You’re so soft
Sweet on the tip of my tongue
You taste like sunlight
And strawberry bubble gum

But it really creeps into lame-o territory, right John Mayer?

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue
(Lyrics from Your Body is a Wonderland)

But Faster can’t get any worse, can it?

It’s the way you swell, slow
Pushing right out your seams
It’s the way you smile, baby
When you’ve got me on my knees

It can.  And that lyric will forever make me think about his wife Bridget’s vagina.  Now I just need to see what Bridget looks like…

Awful Battle… The One In The V-Neck Shirt Vs. The One With Feathers In His Hair

Posted on by sgottahurt

Schadenfreude’s a bitch.

Sometimes finger earplugs just aren't enough.

Simon Cowell’s American Idol X-it strategy, The X Factor, feels more like America’s Got Talent mixed with The Voice than the ratings juggernaut, and the ratings are proof.

The tenth season of American Idol debuted with 26 million viewers, minus Cowell, whereas The X Factor debuted with only 12 million, with Cowell.

Has he gotten too big for his britches?  Or are people burnt out on singing competitions at this time of the year, having just finished with the two mentioned above?

Perhaps timing has everything to do with American Idols success.

Or maybe, it’s the people.

Icon vs. Icon

With Simon Cowell, you get no bullshit, and that’s a bonus.  But he thinks no bullshit don’t stink, so that cancels out his assets.  With Steven Tyler, you (seemingly) had quite a genuine and caring individual that contrasted everything Cowell represented, and there was no looking back.   It probably has something to do with the amount of tail each has had, and the way it was had.

  • Tyler + groupies (+ drugs?) = Crazy, Amazin’, Love in an Elevator
  • Cowell + some woman who passed or accepted all his criticism and cynicism = dollar-sign-eyes sex

WINNER: Steven Tyler

Former Diva vs Former Diva

We already had enough of Paula Abdul before she left Idol, but Jennifer Lopez sounded like a self-entitled nightmare.  Turned out J. Lo was about as nice and pleasant as could seem (she’s not that great of an Actor!), and a hell of a lot more intelligible in her insights.

WINNER: Jennifer Lopez

Insider vs Insider

Randy Jackson seems like the cool, approachable guy in the band, and he probably was when he was in Journey.  L.A. Reid, on the other hand, comes across as a corporate incubus, seeking out the next talent whose life-force he could siphon.  Or a RuPaul impersonator.  Mostly, I judge the new judge based upon the immortal lyrics of P!nk:

LA [Reid] told me, “You’ll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.”

She’s done a hell of a lot better since being herself, so…

WINNER: Randy Jackson

Tits vs Twit

Okay, this isn’t the proper match up, but who is that British guy taking Ryan Seacrest’s role as announcer or interviewer or host or whatever his role is called?  And Idol wisely gave up the notion of a fourth spot, so why did The X-Factor go with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger?

WINNER: Nicole Scherzinger… tits always win.

In Defense Of… This Unlikely, Unlikable Couple

Posted on by sgottahurt

You may not know the names Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stoddard, but if you watch celebrity gossip shows, you know their faces:

This is marriage, with an emphasis on "age."

Yes, this is the happily wedded couple consisting of the 51-year-old Actor! and the 16- or 17-year-old Country Singer(?)!  Many uproarious reports have been filed and fed to the public, but I’m here to *ahem* defend them.

Why have I waited so long?  Basically, the bottom of the barrel has been scraped away, and they are what’s left.

To begin, I’m not going to get into any of the age junk; I’m more interested in the weirdness factor.  That’s the only thing I can defend.  They’re getting their own reality show, and it begs the question – is this what they’re all about?

Let’s examine other trainwrecks that have had their own reality shows:

In reality TV, their show would simply be a combination of The Real Housewives and Toddlers & Tiaras, and both of those are certifiable hits… and certifiable misses.

JusWondering… What Song Titles Would Make Really Good Movie Titles?

Posted on by sgottahurt

What do Roy Orbison, Neil Sedaka, and Phil Phillips all have in common, other than you probably have no idea who they are?

They have nothing to do with this movie, that's for sure.

Guessing that they’re all singers is the cheap answer; the real answer is that they’ve all had movies named after their songs: Phillips’ Sea of Love, Sedaka’s Calendar Girl, and Orbison’s Pretty Woman and Only the Lonely.  (I was going to add Huey Lewis and The News to that mix, but I don’t believe Jacob’s Ladder: The Movie was named after Jacob’s Ladder: The Song.)

So I started JusWondering, what other song titles could make good movie titles?

The year is 2053.  God is dead.  Only a handful of sentries can hold the world in balance, and they are… the Karma Police.

From the producers of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain, here comes Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth with Money in My Hand… starring whoever is the next Jim Carrey in a serious role, or a twit Brit like Hugh Grant.

The long-awaited sequel to Al Pacino’s 1975 classic, Dog Day Afternoon.  Follow Sonny Wortzik’s life after prison, and Leon Shermer (Chris Sarandon) as a woman.

Look!  In the air!  Is it a bird?  Is it another flying animal that makes musical noises?  It’s Piano Man!

The video for this song is already like a movie:

(SIDENOTE: Did you know Ryan Gosling’s latest, Drive, is named after the Incubus song?  Did you know I made that up?)

Musical Musings… (Love)Sick Puppies

Posted on by sgottahurt

I really dig this song:

Initially, I thought this line was what did it for me:

You all hate your children/ They’re too fat to feed

But now, I’m beginning to realize I’ve been drawn in by the bass lines.  Namely, the bass player… Emma Anzai:

Creating this image made me feel like an obsessed fourteen year old fan. It was not pleasant. (It was.)

Considering the fact that the Sick Puppies hail from Australia, this means Emma Anzai is Australian (amazing, no?)… and I love their accents (probably due to Olivia Newton-John, but this is not her time and place).

This entire situation might explain my heightened interest in travelling down under…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Sillydink Or Sillydonk?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Of course I know in reality, this is neither a Coinkydink or a Coinkydonk, but it’s fun nonetheless.

The first time I saw this preview, I thought it was brilliant… a throwback to previews of films from the 70’s edited in the style of Generation YouTube.  Here is the trailer for David Fincher’s upcoming The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo:

The first time I saw this preview moments ago, I thought it also was brilliant.  And green.  Definitely green…

A Handful Of… Different Kinds Of Different Kinds Of Love

Posted on by sgottahurt

Even muskrats do the dog.

Love is a lot like Santa Claus… they’re both fat, fond of red velvet with fuzzy white accents, and prefer to live where it’s ice-cold.  But maybe that’s just me.

I was originally just going to highlight strangle love types in songs, but then I couldn’t stop myself.  Aren’t you lucky?

Here’s A Handful Of Different Kinds Of Different Kinds Of Love (the asterisked songs I listened to a little longer than the rest):

  • STRANGE LOVE

puppy love – jungle love – radar love* – gun love – muskrat love  – hula love

  • SPECIFIC LOVE

tainted love – dumb love – crazy love – real love – secret love – true love – sweet love – cool love – tender love* – big love – sexy love

  • TIME-FRAME LOVE

endless love* – april love – baby love – summer love – young love

  • NO-THANK-YOU LOVE

burning love* – butta love – bleeding love

  • PERSONAL LOVE

your love* – my love – our love

  • WEED LOVE

higher love* – california love*

(a lot of these via)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Only in My Dreams

Posted on by sgottahurt

None of these were full dreams, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t share.

In one dream, I got to meet Debbie Gibson.  She lived in a dangerous town, and she almost sent me to my doom, but when I was sitting next to her, our knees touched.  Knees!

Sorry. This is Deborah Gibson.

Another dream featured the return of Olivia Munn to G4’s Attack of the Show.  They kicked her replacement, Candace Bailey, to the curb, because what else has Munn been up to?

Attack of the Show, indeed.

The last tidbit in my sleeping noggin was about Pauly D and his new hairstyle:

"Call me DJ Mullet."

Awesome Battle… Little Boppers Vs. Pocket Rockers

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve decided to refocus on what these Awful/Awesome Battles are supposed to be… battles between things that are awful or awesome or both.

In this case, it’s Little Boppers vs. Pocket Rockers.  Which was the better musical toy of the 80’s?

I would declare portable music the winner because it’s functional (and fashionable), but then you have to take into account these were the bands available, things kind of change:

What I find (or declare) interesting is the background music in each of the commercials is twenty years older than the product they’re selling.  For the Little Boppers, the song is from 1965:

  • The Gentrys – Keep on Dancing

As for the Pocket Rockers, the song is from 1969, and it couldn’t have any more of a different sound:

  • Creedence Clearwater Revival – Down on the Corner

Based upon the theme songs alone, I would have chosen CCR and therefore, Pocket Rockers, the winner.  But the ad company behind them changed the lyrics, whereas those mad men behind Little Boppers did not fuss with The Gentrys.

So after careful deliberation, I still declare Pocket Rockers the champ.  What can I say, I love songs with changed lyrics!  Except, of course, in this case: