ALTERNATE TITLE: Just #2-y To The #2
Where do I began to express my love of the number one?
- It’s always first.
- It’s the least of anything you can have.
- It’s the exact amount of people I care about in this world.
- I am always looking out for it.
With that having been said, here’s how I rank various musicians takes on the number that goes best with the letter A:
- JUST SHITTY – METALLICA’S ONE
Metallica sucks except for one song, and mostly because of Lars Ulrich’s battle against Napster.
- BIG POO – FAT JOE’S ONE, FEATURING AKON
Fat Joe’s normally tolerable, but by involving scumbag Akon, this song drops like a deuce.
- MORE CRAP, INDEED – U2’S ONE
I should like more songs by U2, but there’s an air of pretension in their music. Or is that just gas?
- ROYAL TURD – ELTON JOHN’S THE ONE
This was released during Sir Elton John’s renaissance years (the 90’s), and since he’s a respected musician (except for those stupid Pepsi commercials with that chick who won X-Factor that no one knows), you knew he’d doo-doo well.
- DISCO CACA – BEE GEE’S ONE
Another renaissance song from renowned musicians. I’m doing my best to not use diarrhea in some pun.
- #2 – NELLY’S #1
Nelly’s had a fair share of
shits, but they’ve been hits and misses when it comes to me. This one hits.
- TIM AND ERIC’S I SIT DOWN WHEN I PEE
(exits stage left)