Hibbidy-Wah?! Mechanical Tumor

Designed to gauge how hard your computer works…

Designed to look like a potato…

Designed to gross me out…

Thanks again, Japan.

InASense, Lost… Fetish Tots

Oh, hi.  I didn’t see you there.

I was about cook up a plate of Soylant Green before I sealed up the doors and windows.  We want to keep out those pesky vampires (or zombies… no one’s for sure).  The reason why I’m doing all this?  It’s because hell has arrived on Earth in the form of:

 

fetishtotslogo

Why is the theme to Rugrats stuck in my head?

Recently on display at the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco, the company states via their website that product will be available Winter 2010.

Samples:

fetishtots2fetish-totsAll I have left to say is this: pack for cold weather.

We’re for damn sure heading to the coldest layer of Dante’s Inferno.

I’ll be joining everyone else as soon as I finish eating this old person sandwich.

(more here at Something Awful)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Humanimals Creep Me The F— Out

With Halloween upon us (and the one year anniversary of this blog’s creation – woohoo!), I’ve recently made a purchase in preparation for the slew of parties coming up.

Usually, there’s not a slew (and only one that may or may not be hosted by me), and usually, I have the energy to make my own costume out of cardboard.  Not so this year!

Without giving anything away, like mentioning I picked up a gorilla costume at Target, for example, I fear I might have dunked my toe into the pool of weirdness that is these folks: Humanimals.

Your glory is that I couldn’t pick just one…

(click for more after the jump)

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JusWondering… What Do These Cell Phone Notes Mean?

It’s been awhile since I’ve checked out the notes on my old phone (mostly because I’ve since purchased a new phone), but I was going through transcribing the tips and ideas.  I understood most.  These left me clueless:

  1. loren lion
  2. stat based
  3. rhett butler flog
  4. phlattline.com
  5. face movie pix
  6. 2 24th cleo arrest
  7. kangaroo
  8. barely hear my own horn

First off, loren lion. Was this a clever name I feared I would forget?  Was it a particular lion I needed to look into?  Maybe the answer was based in statistics.

Why I put this:

flog

With this guy:

rhettbutler

Might make my brain phlattline.com.

Face movie pix could have been an invention, or a story idea, or a… picture of faces in a movie?

I think the cleo arrest might have something to do with Miss Cleo getting arrested, but I don’t think she was ever incarcerated, 2 times, let alone a 24th time.

Um, yeah… he exists:

Yeah... whattaboutit?

Yeah... so whattaboutit?

And I guess it’s true: I can barely hear my own horn.  I’m glad I made a note of it.

Hibbidy-Wah?! Wah. The. F—.

I’ve seen a few horror films that have creeped me out, and one documentary that reduced me to a shambled mess, but this may the first documentary that gives me the heebie-jeebies (I had it once already as a kid, but I’ve heard you can catch it again, unlike chicken pox, but very much like cooties.)

I dare you to watch the entire preview.  In fact, you must watch the entire preview.

Awful Battle… Only In Japan, Man, Only In Japan

I don’t know what else to say. 

Once you’ve seen a baby-faced crotch shoot a missile at a robot, a cartoon of a man drinking fresh breast milk from a human women farm, and a TV show centered around super-powered boobs (I’m not talking about NBC’s Heroes), there can only be three words left to share:

AWFUL BATTLE – GO!

Vodpod videos no longer available.  

more about “Promo trailer for upcoming TV series …“, posted with vodpod

Happy Find… A Guide To Getting Yourself Beat Up Trying To Be Cool

I want to kick everyone’s ass involved in the making of this video.  Fucking seriously.  Watch it and tell me you don’t feel the rage:

The above clip (which should have been called How To Be A Spaz!) exists courtesy of a site I’m looking forward to exploring further called Video Home System, and that’s the true Happy Find.  (Must remember to watch Show Off! anytime I need to get pumped up for a game of murderball, or actual murder… breathe… breathe…)

They share the similarly lofty goal that Everything is Terrible and Videogum, um, share:

To shed light on the unbearable world of previously produced crap, let it dry out in the sun, and hopefully grow some hallucinogenic mushrooms for consumption by all. 

(Truer words have never been spoken… by me.)

InASense, Lost… Baby Stripper Shoes?

File this one under, “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?”  This picture pretty much says it all (if you didn’t believe this post’s title):

heelarious

Glass bottomed heels are optional.

So okay, high heels aren’t specifically “stripper shoes,” but they definitely are in poor taste and bad judgment when you put them on an infant.  It’s as bad as putting writing on the back of actual baby shorts and sweatpants.  Moms – little girls aren’t your living dolls, accessories, or Chihuahuas… they’re new people.  New human beings.  Full of life and potential.  I’m not saying it’s a sure path to coke-whoring despair, but there are better options.

See how these moms react:

I could go on and on about how this idea may be the worst thing since:

Only a Dad would buy this shirt

Only a Dad would buy this shirt

But my explanations would sway no one and only come across as redundant to your reactions.

That’s why should I happen to have a daughter of my own, I’m going to raise her to trust no one.  I’ll encourage her to be a little reporter and investigator, and she’ll come home and tell me all the things she’s uncovered.  We’ll create journals and files and collect news clippings.  That way my daughter will be a little more Veronica Mars than Gossip Girl

Or super seriously paranoid.

Maybe I shouldn’t be a parent…

JusWondering… The Road Less Sneezed Upon

As I arrived at the office today, I realized something.  Well, just now I realized I’m either borderline British or pretentious because I was thisclose to typing realised, both times.  But the main thing I realised is that I have a real aversion to these bad boys:
Knock knock... Whos there? Germs... Germs ach-who!
Knock-knock… Who’s there?… Germs… Germs ach-who!

There’s two ways to get to my office, and I choose the way that has three doors to open vs. two.  You would think I’d choose the lesser of two infectious evils, but the path to more doors (must resist “Lord of the Rings” reference here… too late) consists of these precious humdingers:

I can open you with one finger... resisting other off-colour remarks... another Brit/pretentious retort!
I can open you with one finger… resisting other off-colour remarks… another Brit/pretentious retort!

If you think about how many disgusting hands that have touched these things… it gives me the gee-willikers (now I’m prohibition era comic strip talking).  I’d still rather use one finger to open the second doorknob, than use my entire hand on the first.

Now you know, and knowing is half the fracas (so pretentious it is.)