In My Brain While Sleeping… Mark Curry’s Comeback!

If you don’t know who Mark Curry is, you’re like everybody else in the world prior to the premiere of his ABC show, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper.  As a refresher:

That image has some unsavory undertones...

AnyTGIF, he hasn’t done anything in a long time, but I dreamed of his comeback:

Show slogan: "He's no longer the teacher - he's the mayor!"

But the sad reality I found out was this (via Wikipedia):

On April 17, 2006, an aerosol can that had fallen behind Curry’s water heater exploded and Curry, who was doing laundry at the time, was burned on over 20% of his body, including his arm, back and side. He spent many months recooperating at his home… [Emphasis mine, of course – Ed.]

Anyone else up for the idea of Cooper Town?  Anything’s better than Cougar Town

In My Brain While Sleeping… An Invention Already Invented, Dammit

I suppose it’s quite possible that I saw this somewhere in my past, but I don’t recall for sure.

Nonetheless, I had a dream that I invented a product 95% similar to this and awakened so pleased I thought I had struck gold.  Unfortunately, the portable turntable already exists, and it’s USB powered to boot!

Dream spun me round, right round, like a record...

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Celebrity Drinking Game Show

Sorta like this, but drunkier...

I’m really getting tired of dreaming up great ideas and having no creative power.  At least I have this blog.  Yup.

This dream surrounds a simple but possibly controversial concept:

Celebrities of varying degrees would be gathered to play drinking games like Presidents and Assholes, Beer Pong, and Quarters.  There will be winners; there will be losers.  Just like at regular award shows.  And they’ll get druuuunk.  Just like at regular award shows.

The Celebrity Drinking Game Show could be hosted by Charlie Sheen, since he’s an expert at partying and Winning! But since he’s been focused on staying “sober,” then maybe we could get this guy:

He's always looking for more celebs to rehab...

In My Brain While Sleeping… Worse. Interview. Ever.

Immediately after waking up from this dream, I knew I had to make the video using Xtranormal.  You’ve probably seen videos from that sight, used in Geico ads.

Anygekko, I knew it wasn’t that entertaining on its own (that was kind of the point of the weirdness), and in text form, it would be xtraboring.  Enjoy Terrible Radio Interview with Sean Penn:

God bless the musical fruit…

In My Brain While Sleeping… Fred Armisen Gives Good Lessons

From the first time I saw Fred Armisen on Saturday Night Live, I knew he was going somewhere.  Between his times spent as topical comedian Nicholas Fehn (this is not from SNL):

As Venezuelan comedian Fericito:

And as Jasper the Parrot (transcript here), he stood out amongst the rest as somebody to watch.

Couple those initial appearances with his bit part in the underrated Eurotrip:

And I became a certified fan.

Now I’m in absolute love with his latest project, Portlandia, so it makes complete sense that I would have a dream about that show.

Essentially, he was portraying this feminist book store owner:

And she was giving a class on how to get comfortable saying the p-word.  You know, the word some women view as vulgar, but is considerably less awful than the c-word.  Okay, that still seems open to interpretation, because it could be prick and cock… I’m talking about pussy, people.  The word pussy.  Sorry I got a little cunty there.

Anyoregon, the class was a three-step process.

STEP 1

Say the word, pussy cat.  Imagine your little Nibs, or Mittens, or Bootsy, nuzzling in your lap.  Imagine your little pussy cat.

STEP 2

Now say the word, pussyfoot.  Imagine your little pussy cat pussyfooting around your tiny apartment.

STEP 3

Now imagine that in the corner of your small apartment there’s a pussy willow plant.  And your pussy cat’s highly allergic to it, but you forgot to put the allergy medication in the tuna fish breakfast you made.  And you tell your pussy cat to stop pussyfooting around your pussy willow.  Your pussy cat doesn’t listen because your words had no power behind them, and pussy cat dies.  If you can’t say pussy, how will you save Bootsy?

THE END

(I’m here all year!)

In My Brain While Sleeping… My Dreams Double-Cross Me Yet Again

There wasn’t much to this dream, but I woke up thinking it was kinda funny.  Since you may be used to the usual unfunny that I provide, the best I can do is present the bait-and-switch my own mind pulled.

It involved a certain one of these…

What? Mom jeans?

…and a strange and untimely inking incident.

Check it out after the jump. Read More

In My Brain While Sleeping… PokéBowling!

This is my second favorite idea that came to me in a dream of all time!  (Most favorite is here.)

This one is for PokéBowling!

 

I spent more time trying to make this than I planned.

 

Basically, the game is a Nintendo Wii game that takes the best of the bowling portion in Wii Sports and mixes it with Pokémon characters.

Pika-turkey!

Each character would have its own attributes, like Pikachu’s electric split or Squirtle’s ten pin blast.  And maybe the pins would be made of different elements, so you’d have to choose which creature would work the best against them.  Who knows?

All I know is this:

  1. It was a fun game.
  2. This is proof that I thought of it, and if Nintendo ever releases something like it, hopefully this post holds up in court.

In My Brain While Sleeping… You Never Wanna Dream This Feeling

Welcome to the nightmare.

I don’t know if our time was up.  If it was the end days, it was the last day.  Our destroyer had arrived, and whether it was giants, transparent entities, The Big Guy (or Gal), or aliens, the method of our demise was tantamount to pulling our plugs.

No really.  It was as if our plugs were pulled out.  Specifically, our spines.

For me, it wasn’t a smooth transition from the here to the next.

As we waited like Chicken McNuggets in a 50 piece box for our turn, we remained silent, contemplative, reliving every moment of our lives.  I was the only one that seemed to be panicky.  When I was lifted up for the extraction, I was wiggling.  The overlord grabbed my tailbone, and yanked.  It felt like a giant tooth being pulled out of your ass and a plank-sized splinter from your mind.

I was a piled mess.  But I was still aware.

As I looked around at the other human globules, I realized they no longer contained life.

I couldn’t scream.  I couldn’t even make a peep.  How was I going to get their attention to inform them that I wasn’t destroyed?

They knew, though.  And quickly I was lifted back up.  My spine was shoved back into my body, and like a plumbing snake, it was fished about and yanked once again.  With this, I woke up.

Now how is this a post about pop culture?  Here are some pop culture representations of how I felt:

Mojo from the X-Men

Chet from Weird Science

Mr. Bill after an accidentMr. Potato Head in Toy Story 3

Paul "Shitbreak" Finch in American Pie



Harry Dunne in Dumb and Dumber (and CNN broadcast)

Pizza the Hutt in Space Balls

Melting guy in Street Trash

Chicken McNuggets

(SIDENOTE: I highly recommend not ever having this dream.)

INGREDIENTS: Kielbasa bought at 1am outside of a train station in Prague.  (First Czech Republic trip shout out!)

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Reason Why Disney Bought Marvel Comics

I don’t know why I ever feel compelled to proclaim how strange a dream is when I’m revealing it either way.

One handed drum roll please:

It became apparently clear to me in My Brain While Sleeping why The Walt Disney Company gobbled up Marvel Comics (aside from the fact they wanted another marketing outlet comparable to Time Warner’s hold on DC Comics, as well as supplying the much-needed financial backing a major corporation could give the flailing superhero imprint… whew).

The entire reason could be summed up in this crappily made picture:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

You see, upon leaving Disney/ABC’s Home Improvement, best child star Jonathan Taylor Thomas left to star in the unreleased film, Machine Boy.  Realizing a bit too late into production that they had an Iron Man ripoff on their hands (and a clunker to boot – puns intended), Disney shelved the movie fearing lawsuits of copyright infringement.  But worry no more!  As soon as they could, the little old lady that swallowed the (Mickey) mouse swallowed the spider (man), and you heard it here first:

WALT DISNEY and MARVEL COMICS proudly present

MACHINE BOY

JUNE 2011

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Surprise Impersonator

If one day I break down to the point of requiring psychiatric help, please direct my caretakers to these blog posts about my weird dreams.  I’m sure the answers to curing my mind can be found somewhere here.

What clues this might provide, I don’t know, but I was boarding a plane and there was a big kerfuffle about someone on board.  The rumor had it was a celebrity, but the facts were unclear.

As I made my way to my seat, I was greeted by this:

(Fairly) Artistic Representation

As it turned out, I was seated next to the celebrity – the world’s best Billy Joel impersonator, Guinea Joel.

It seems like a punderferul stretch for my subconscious when this would have been so much easier:

Billy Goat