Awesome Battle… Which VHS Acid Trip Do You Prefer?

Who am I kidding?  These are both great.  So it’s an Awesome Battle that ends in total win!

(SIDENOTE: I miss you, Everything is Terrible… I promise not stay away so long ever again!)

THINGS TO WATCH FOR:

  • Rosemarie Lombardi when she was 36 and loving wind in her face.*
  • Rodney enjoying a time out to talk with the ladies.
  • Mike Douglas on a skateboard.
  • Elliott Gould on a swing.
  • Priscilla and John – two lovers that never found Plymouth Rock.
  • Beer enriched shampoo!
  • Leonard Nimoy with a human head (Vincent Van Gogh?) replica for some reason.
  • The late Ernest Borgnine loving stamps.
  • Sonny Bono and his Sonny Clone-o’s.
  • Bruce Jenner with his old face and an old Minolta camera.
  • A clown on the phone.
  • Hizzoner?
  • An interesting reveal by Della Reese.
*I don’t know who Rosemarie Lomobardi is either.

InASense, Lost… Mischief In My Memory

In my newly rediscovered appreciation for all things Kelly Preston, I was disappointed to realize what prudes we’ve become.

For the DVD cover of her classic (?) film, Mischief, there’s been some hanky-panky:

This image has been burned in my brain for so long.

There’s something missing.  Something’s Photoshopped out of it, right?  Let’s go to the poster:

I will never forget my first time... seeing this.

What?!  Surely, this original poster hasn’t been Photoshopped… let’s check another:

How did people Photoshop (verb) before Photoshop (noun)?

Okay, I must be perverted crazy.  Because the way I remember this, his hand wasn’t pulling a Shooter McGavin… he was holding onto something…

God Bless the VHS

In My Brain While Sleeping… Oh, Britain And Ye Ol’ Fashioned Ways

There was another part to this mental madness involving President Obama being a superhero and that being the reason  he was too busy to get any bigger issues fixed (it’s hard to repair the economy or create jobs if you’re saving babies and rescuing kittens in trees, I guess).

Otherwise, the concept of this dream was simple: I was in the U.K. and they were still quite fond of VHS.  It was the preferred format over DVD and digital copies.  There was a supermarket filled to the brim with the latest releases in the outdated form.

If this was actually the case, this would be a clam shell case you’d see there this week:

How big is that tape if it contains both versions of the film?

(SIDENOTE: Also, how cool is this?)

Hibbidy-Wah?! Why Didn’t These Tips Work For Me?

Self-help videos may be a thing of the past (YouTube anyone?), but they were vital to making me the me I am today.  I’m the best kisser anyone knows, and I can take down the biggest bullies just long enough to run away in a hurry.  Want to know what I know?  Check these videos out!

(I love you, Everything is Terrible!)

JusWondering… What Else Should They Bring Back?

This just screams porno stash.

Often owned by strangers with candy.

Well whadayanknow?

Last year, Polaroid got rid of their Instant Cameras.  I wrote about it here when this blog was still a fledgling.

But courtesy of The Impossible Project (or of a PR stunt the likes of the Heene family – the last batches of film sold recently expired), Polaroid is bringing sexy Instant Cameras back.

This got me thinking… what other foregone technologies would I like to see return?

1) Spindle

threadingspindle

In fairy tales, they were able to spin straw into gold.  They also acted as GHB when it came to princesses.  So maybe they shouldn’t come back.

2) Dick Tracy Copmobile

With technology like that, kids’ imaginations had to flourish.  (See the original toy commercial down below.)*

3) Top Loading VCR’s

"What's Eating Gilbert Grape?" "The VCR heads!"

“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” “The VCR heads!”

Nostalgia and functionality and purpose aside… look at how easy it was to use?  With all those dials and switches and buttons, you could set the clock!  (Ra-tat-tat-CRASH!)  Of course I want it back for nostalgic reasons (but still not functionality and purpose).

4) Libraries

The Dewey Decimal System was "thisclose" to being the Huey Whole Number System. The Louie Lottery System wasn't even close.

The Dewey Decimal System was "thisclose" to being the Huey Whole Number System. The Louie Lottery System wasn't even close.

There’s something terribly wrong with kids today, and I stand by two reasons why:

  1. Siblings each having their own bathroom growing up, instead of fighting to share one.
  2. Libraries aren’t used as social gathering places anymore.

Wait, what?  Libraries still exist?  I thought the Internet would have surely killed them.  My bad.

SIDENOTE: While we await the Instant Cameras’ re-release, why not pick up this camera that logs every moment of your life?  It’s like YouTube meets Twitter!

You know you want it

You know you want it

*Original Dick Tracy Copmobile commercial after the jump Read More

Happy Find… A Guide To Getting Yourself Beat Up Trying To Be Cool

I want to kick everyone’s ass involved in the making of this video.  Fucking seriously.  Watch it and tell me you don’t feel the rage:

The above clip (which should have been called How To Be A Spaz!) exists courtesy of a site I’m looking forward to exploring further called Video Home System, and that’s the true Happy Find.  (Must remember to watch Show Off! anytime I need to get pumped up for a game of murderball, or actual murder… breathe… breathe…)

They share the similarly lofty goal that Everything is Terrible and Videogum, um, share:

To shed light on the unbearable world of previously produced crap, let it dry out in the sun, and hopefully grow some hallucinogenic mushrooms for consumption by all. 

(Truer words have never been spoken… by me.)