The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… USPS

Established in 1775 by Benjamin Franklin, the United States Postal Service was a necessity.  People wanted to get messages to each other, and due to the Great Falcon Shortage of 1772 and the Mass Page Suicide Pact of 1774, providing this service was a must.  Though many people who “know” history will “claim” the Great Falcon Shortage and Mass Page Suicide Pact never happened, this truth remains – the US Postal Service was The Shit.

"Get yer hope right hyere..."

"Get yer hope right hyere..."

 Think about it.  How else did people communicate?  By talking face-to-face and… um, by telling somebody else to send a message.

Sometimes they ring four times...

Sometimes they ring four times...

In our modern age, we forget how essential the USPS was to building our country, and I don’t want to go into specifics (mostly because I don’t feel like looking them up), but according to – who else – Wikipedia:

Employing 656,000 workers and 260,000 vehicles, it is the second-largest civilian employer in the United States (after Walmart) and the operator of the largest civilian vehicle fleet in the world.

So the question that remains – how have they become Just Shitty?

Is it a sense that they aren’t as vital to our country anymore, given that we have other methods of communication, bill paying, and package sending?

Or are my feelings strictly personal?  The USPS was afterall responsible for these deliveries:


Strike 1...


Strike 2...

Snow Jobs Blow (P.S. – You Suck)

I know I’ve mentioned my yearly battles with the Detroit postal service before (read here).  But considering the last time I’ve shovelled my snow was over a month ago, I expected the battle to heat up – and it did.

For those that didn’t believe me about the “notes” I get from the postpeople:

Mail... I don't need no stickin' mail!

Mail... I don't need no stickin' mail!

Now, I understand why they would want it cleared, but I’m hardly home, and by the time I could get to any cleaning, a path is already trampled which only makes the scooping more difficult.  Plus, if I can’t get to the pavement, what remains is waaaaay more slippery than chunking through the drift.

There was a time when I enjoyed getting junk mail.  It made me feel like I was a part of something bigger, like I existed that day.  These days I do mostly everything online, so mail gets me excited not-so-much.  About all I need the USPS for is package delivery, which I’m promptly switching to my address at work.  Take a peek why:


What a drag...

Laziness Springs/Summers Eternal In The Winter

As I was finally shovelling the snow in front of my house today, two people commented on it.  (SIDENOTE: I probably would not have cleared the walkways if it was not 54° outside somehow,as opposed to, say, -8°.)

The first was a neighborhood kid from across the street that always beats the ever-living shit out of my door and doorbell when he wants to shovel the snow or cut my grass.  This is a routine we share because if I do answer, I tell him, “no, I’m gonna do it” (and usually don’t), or I don’t answer at all due to hangover/overall laziness.  I had dreams of making perpetual use of his services a few years back.  It was a world where I never had to pull out the mower or shovel ever again, but he blew it by not doing that great of a job.  (Two caveats: I did pay him $10 before I left, and it was the second snowfall on top of ice, but still…) 

Today, he started with, “Need help?”

“No, I’m gonna do it.”

Then he followed with, “Don’t you think it’s a little late to shovel now?”

To which I snapped back, “At least it’s getting done.”  If I had faith the temperature would have melted it all, I wouldn’t have put forth the effort, but it is Michigan.

The second encounter I had was with the mail carrier, and it was because of her I was doing this at all.

“A little late, aren’t you?” she started.  It has been over a week since the snow fell twice and turned to ice.  “You get my letter?”  Every year, the mail carrier and I also share a dance – I wait for the snow to melt; the mail carrier gives me form letters telling me to shovel my snow before it melts.

“It always melts after the snowfall.  This one just took a little longer to happen.”

She gave me a look as she gave me the mail.

“It’s a weird day.  I could be shovelling snow in shorts.”

“I’ll take this weather anytime.”

I wished her a Happy New Year’s and we made peace.  At least ’til the next snow fall. 

P.S. …I think I’m going to start having deliveries come to my office in the new year.

Through sleet, through snow, through rain, through Tattooine...

Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor Jedi...