Hibbidy-Wah?! Snooki’s Rasslin’?
This. Is. Beyond. Words.
What’s next?
Pauly D in a Baskin Robbins ad?
Finis.
jersey shore
JusWondering… Where Would I Rather Live?
My brother recently packed up and headed west to California. He’s moving into the area known as Korean Town, and he was not too happy to find out that this show might be happening:
K-Town… Korean American’s answer to the biggest question mark in the world… Jersey Shore.
Considering either area might not be a viable living option for most, the third option could always be Detroit.
You could wait to watch the new ABC show called Detroit 187, or you could share my experience. The following pictures were taken the other day on my way to the ballgame:
I was going to add something about the Detroit Tigers not being able to catch a break, but…
In My Brain While Sleeping… Snooki Sneaked Into My Dreams
Snooki, Snooki, Snooki.
It’s so much easier to say than Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi, Nicole Polizzi.
Anyguido, the pint-sized Jersey Shore star left the Miami shoreline to invade my slumber and host a party in South Africa.
The festivities were to occur during a lunar eclipse, but she thought that the sun would be out at night. Nonetheless, this upset her greatly. But it was the bumper stickers on the billboard announcing her celebration that upset her more:
(Fairly) Artistic Representation
On some of the billboards, the bumper stickers were placed right on the bathtub picture.
She ended up getting real drunk and arrested in the morning. It kinda looked like this:
Realistic Representation
In My Brain While Sleeping… Peanut Butter Dream Theory
Skippy = Trippy
I’m really beginning to think I have my thumb on the pulse of my weird dreams.
EATING PEANUT BUTTER
These dream elements are merely that, without narrative. But each of these happened the nights I went to sleep after eating peanut butter, either on a bagel or in Reese’s Pieces.
EXHIBIT A
The Strange Reincarnation Metaphor
On the list of possibilities of what happens after we die, reincarnation falls below nothing for me. It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around. But I have considered, if it does happen, maybe it’s not the path for everyone.
Much like how in this dream I had a variety of snacks growing out of the entirety of my right arm. My forearm was covered in smaller snacks, like Lifesaver mints and Good & Plenty’s (though not Reese’s Pieces). The closer to my neck, the larger the treats became, culminating in pretzel rods protruding like crystal spikes from my shoulder blades. I resembled a candy aisle version of Superman’s enemy, Doomsday:
There's a good chance those spikes are rock candy...
So what’s the reincarnation connection? All the foods could be snapped off and were completely (and grossly) edible, and most, but not all, of them would grow back. Like they were reincarnated, you see. It made sense in that dream sort of way – don’t think about it too much.
EXHIBIT B
Summer Never Ends at the Jersey Shore
Was it necessary for my subconscious to dream up this exchange?
Angelina to Snooki –
You are to Cheetos what I am to popcorn.
Whatever that means.
Are they making the same face, or am I cross-eyed?
And that’s the situation… when I eat peanut butter and fall asleep.
Drunken Recollection… Five Ways Jersey Shore Is Like Greenland Sharks
Drinking with friends is getting to be a problem common again, and ye of the TripleDoubleU get to reap the benefits.
This time around, another blog’s post was brought to my attention. Namely, this headline from IGN:
Five Ways Jersey Shore Is Just Like Final Fantasy
Here’s one example shared by both the MTV reality show and the classic RPG:
Shared Trait 4: Spiky Hair
But I’ll let you read the remainder of the list by clicking here. You don’t have to be a huge fan of both to get it, but you should be a fan of at least one.
Now that same night, another major item (because Jersey Shore and Final Fantasy are like huge deals) brought to my attention was that these existed:
It's a "Somniosus microcephalus," duh.
Or in other words – the Greenland shark.
Now I’d like to list some facts about the Greenland shark, and how they too are similar to the cast of Jersey Shore.
1) Alternate names
The extra "W" is for "WTF?"
- On the Jersey Shore, everybody has an alias, like they’re X-Men or something: Jenni is J-Woww, Nicole is Snooki, Sammi is Sweatheart, and Mike is The Situation.
- The Greenland shark has more even more nicknames: sleeper shark, gurry shark, ground shark, grey shark, or the Inuit name, Eqalussuaq.
2) Parasites
Microscopic crustaceans ain't just for the beach!
- I’m not saying that any of the cast members on Jersey Shore do have crabs, but I’m also not saying that they don’t… You just got double-negatived, which is another way of saying positive. BTW, I’m sure positive is a result this group has seen as on innumerable tests.
- Meanwhile, the Greenland sharks play host to the creature in the picture above (the one on the right, of course). It feasts on the shark’s eye, causing partial blindness. Like syphilis.
3) Scavengers
Yes. Her hat does read, "Porn Star In Training."
- Snooki sure loves her pickles.
- Greenland sharks sure their love fish, seals, reindeer, horses, and polar bears.
4) Toxic skin
Mr. Duck Phone feels safer with the poisonous shark.
- I don’t know components go into fake tan sprays or tan accelerators, and I especially don’t know how much alcohol the cast members of Jersey Shore can actually consume, but if I happened to be on a plane with them and it crash landed in the Alps – I wouldn’t eat them.
- The flesh of the Greenland sharks, on the other fin hand, is officially poisonous. I repeat – THIS SHARK IS POISONOUS. Next you’ll be telling me they have razor-sharp skin, too. (Let it be known, the toxin in their skin does produce an effect akin to extreme drunkenness, so maybe I would eat a Jersey Shore cast member in the Alps.)
5) Legends
They could be friends, doncha think?
- Everyone loves a good story, and sometimes the shorter the better. As for Mike of the Jersey Shore, his legend is straight to the point:
He is The Situation.
- Greenland sharks legends aren’t as concise:
Sedna was a girl whose father cut off her fingers while drowning her. Each finger was said to have become a sea creature, including the Greenland shark. (via Wikipedia)
Now that’s quite a situation.
BONUS THING NOT HELD IN COMMON:
- Greenland sharks can live for up to 200 years long. The cast of Jersey Shore will be forgotten about in five.
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