My friend Jay works with a bunch of middle-aged shop guys (please take that as a euphemism), and as is common practice amongst those in that industry, the loony bin rejects spew a bunch of bullshit out of their mouths (so much for any euphemisms).
Every so often, Jay asks me to check out the validity of comets heading towards Earth, or if there really are three-breasted women doing porn. And I do – often in the name of Drunken Recollections. This latest effort is to get to the bottom of whether Rihanna’s song Umbrella is about how she sold her soul to The Devil.
This video is even long for my tastes, but I recommend checking it all out for curiosity’s sake (or jump to about the 4:30 mark):
That’s some heavy crazy analysis. This one sees Satan in another place (his “semen” I guess):
And click here for a complete breakdown of the lyrics.
So What Do I Ultimately Think?
If someone can analyze the hell out of a video (so to speak) and find images of the occult, or the Illuminati, or whatever, then someone making a video could have just as easily put all those things in there. Does it mean Rihanna or Jay-Z are Satanists? Who cares. Worshipping Baphomet at least makes more sense than worshipping Xenu…
…and for the record, let’s not bring this up again when drinking, Jay. It’s kind of a buzz killer.
Because I’m kind of afraid.
"Makes your booty pop (and lock)!"
This one will not be as difficult as my last So, Duh! Pop Quiz (or as nerdy). Well, maybe it’s still (white and) nerdy.
1) I don’t know what they want from me, but from you, I want to know what mo money often brings you?
a) mo toys
b) mo taxes
c) mo family and friends coming out of the woodwork
d) mo problems
2) Complete this analogy… H : IZZO :: V : ?
3) Unscramble these performers names:
4) Who’s going back to Cali?
a) LL Cool J
b) The Notorious B.I.G.
c) both a) and b)
d) George Lucas
5) Which of the following ingredients LEAST help one feel laid back while thinking about money?
Imma let you finish this quiz… after the jump… Read More
As a founding member of the Legion of Seans (along with Mr. Penn, Mr. Connery, Ms. Young, and Mr. Combs), I’m very displeased with Mr. Avery’s recent comments regarding Canadian hottie, Elisha Cuthbert.
From WWTDD (via Yahoo):
Reporters were waiting to speak with Avery about disparaging remarks he’d made last month about Flames star Jarome Iginla when Avery walked over to the group and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, “I’m just going to say one thing.”
“I’m really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada,” he said. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about, but enjoy the game tonight.” He then walked out of the locker room.
Sean Avery used to be a Detroit Red Wing. When he was traded to the L.A. Kings, he dated Cuthbert and Rod Stewart’s ex-wife, Rachel Hunter. Now that he’s in Dallas with the Stars, he’s probably fearful Jessica Simpson might have her sights set on him. Regardless of the situation, the Legion of Seans have released this statement on the matter:
Sean Avery’s ex-girlfriends cannot be referred to as sloppy seconds, due to the fact that Avery is a giant douche.
In closing, a final message from the Legion of Seans to one Mr. Carter: until you change the spelling of your first name to the correct Irish way, you will not be granted entrance. Good day!
Ohmigod is she pointing at me?!
This is kind of old news, but if you haven’t heard about it – Hey! Hot off the press!
I heard the screeching mess that is Beyonce – er, I mean Sasha Fierce, grrrr – on the radio today, and it trudged up my Capra-esque rage on behalf of the little man. The screeching mess in question: “If I Were a Boy.” The little man in question: cutie BC Jean (pic from Crazed Hits).
SIDENOTE: You can hear her (original, better) version of the song on that site, or on her site which has a pretty cool piano interface (hee hee, interface… I don’t know what that’s means).
The source of my fury stems from a conspiracy that goes like this: producer Toby Gad co-wrote the song with BC, then he went behind BC’s back and sold it to Beyonce (I originally wrote Bitchonce, but you could see the flop it would have been… perhaps Bitchyonce? Buttyonce?) And since no one involved has mentioned anything further in the press, I assume BC was either fiscally compensated or fiscally threatened (see how I did that?) by tubby’s hubby, H.O.V.A.
The thing that I think makes me maddest is it doesn’t work! (You seriously have to listen to both versions to understand my upset) Beyonce is not a twenty-something MySpace girl! Some might say the lyrics apply to women from all walks of life. Others might say I just hate Beyonce. Mostly everybody would be right… mostly.