Hibbidy-Wah?! There’s A World Record For That?!

Hmm.

I don’t know what would sex drive a man to beat this record, but I’ve got to hand it to this guy for sticking to something.  (I chose not to italicize the puns to give you a shot at picking them up.  It’s not that hard.)

(via)

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Hibbidy-Wah?! Dear Japan, Despite The Title, This One Might Not Be So Bad

When I was younger, my sister had these toys called Sylvanian Families:

Are the accelerator suits and weapons sold separately?

Are the accelerator suits and weapons sold separately?

If they were anything at all like the rabbits in this Japanese cartoon, I might have taken them from her.  That is all.

(SIDENOTE: I know this has been out there for a while, but I just found this one with English subtitles… which subsequently has been out there for a while.  I know it’s probably not too shocking and therefore not really Hibbidy-Wah-worthy, but… ah, I don’t need to explain myself.  But really – Cat Shit One?)

Awful Battle… Only In Japan, Man, Only In Japan

I don’t know what else to say. 

Once you’ve seen a baby-faced crotch shoot a missile at a robot, a cartoon of a man drinking fresh breast milk from a human women farm, and a TV show centered around super-powered boobs (I’m not talking about NBC’s Heroes), there can only be three words left to share:

AWFUL BATTLE – GO!

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Hibbidy-Wah?! The Scared Bear Stare!

This poor neurotic bear cub has many issues to work out… namely, it needs to reconsider the company it associates with.  For starters, the dick humans that keep throwing it in with other scary baby animals, like lions and monkeys.  And heaven forbid putting it in the same enclosed space as that ever-so-frightening shadow! 

In all actuality, I’m all for doing this exact same thing with humans.  Fortunately for me (and perhaps for small children), I haven’t met any toddlers that were too afraid of other animals yet. 

Believe that one day when I do, I’ll be sure to dangle that kid above a barking dog.  Just out of reach of each other.  You know… for fun to teach a lesson.

That lesson being do it on a Korean (?) television show.  That way you can post it on YouTube.  Trust me on this.

Drunken Recollection… Going For The Goldfish?

I wouldn’t exactly say that I’ve been around the block (although technically, as a child, I rode my bike around the block a ton… I don’t know what I want this metaphor to mean!).

Let me begin instead with this: I’m for all intents and purposes (or is it “intensive purposes?”)…

I’m a bar frequenter.  An aficionado of affordable alcohol.  If you have drink specials, considered a seat filled.  It’s been this way for me for quite awhile, as I haven’t been tied down by much of anything.  Tumbling tumbleweed is how I often refer to my life.

So it’s safe to assume I’ve seen a fair amount of oddities in my bar days.  I went to New York City to participate in a Snuggie Pub Crawl for Pabst’s sake!

But now I’ve discovered this:

Yup.  Goldfish racing.  In the bar.  For prizes.

It's better than swallowing goldfish when drunk. Barely.
It’s better than swallowing goldfish when drunk. Barely.

Apparently, this is not a new practice either.  It (seems to have) started back  in Utah, as long ago as 2004 (whooohoooo), and it’s been a subject of controversy since it’s inception.  A press release by the Humane Society:

Words, words, words...

Words, words, words...

 There are a few styles practiced.  There’s the squirt gun style, as seen in the above video.  Some people use straws, and they blow above or below the water, depending on the arena.  And of course, some guy in Japan’s turned it into an art form… not unlike NASCAR:

Why do I bring this all up, you ask?  As we were leaving one of the bars I frequent, a friend mentioned he saw a sign saying something about goldfish racing.  I laughed and thought he was making it up, yet here’s this post.

Now if I can just remember which bar we were at…

JusWondering… Can You Get Drunk Off Milk?

For the month of May I’ve decided to cut out some of the things that have made my life worth living… Taco Bell, Mt. Dew, beer, um, Taco Bell, Mt. Dew, and beer, yeah…

So far, four days in, I’ve managed to keep up with the plan and maintain the social habits in which my usuals are consumed.

  • Friday – MGM Casino and Detroit Tigers’ game (drunk kids behind us would have been more fun had I also been smashed)
  • Saturday – My brother’s play (totally would have drank afterwards normally, but it was actually really entertaining)
  • Sunday – My friend’s softball game (I’m the scorekeeper, usually armed with a pen in one hand and a beer in the other) 
  • Today – 80’s Night at Comerica Park (booze fest, natch)

Yet alas, here I am, prodding through with my plan, having nightmares about caving in and drinking Mt. Dew (seriously), getting tempted like crazy.

But something strange has been occurring the last few nights.  As I sit down on my couch to prepare for a late night, pre-bedtime viewing of TV shows on DVD (just finished the hilarious It’s Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaBurn Notice is next), I’ve been partaking of a glass or two of low fat organic milk.  And after drinking that second glass, I’ve been feeling a wee bit tipsy.

So I decided to investigate if this was a phenomenon, or merely something in my head.  I remember in the short-lived comic book, X-Nation 2099, the mutants would get drunk off of milk.  So why can’t I?

There are many cases of infantile beriberi (kakke) in Japan. In most instances the mother of the afflicted infant has beriberi. However, sometimes the mother is healthy (concealed beriberi). Ito observed such a case in which the mother did not have beriberi and called the condition “mother’s milk intoxication.” But he afterward changed this name to “breast milk intoxication” because he saw cases in babies who were nourished with the milk of wet-nurses.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is very provocative in its media campaign about milk, but it is correct in its message. Beer is indeed better than milk for health, as are both wine and distilled spirits.

  • Doing too many shots of milk produces the same result as too many shots of liquor:
  • Bill Murray drinks a glass of warm milk before he goes to bed.

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