Awful Battle… Gifts That Tell Her How You Really Feel

Don’t know what to get that special lady in your life?  (And I’m not talking about your mom.)  Then look no further than these brilliant Awful Battle ideas!

First up – when costume jewelry is just too cheap and gaudy, then it’s time to upgrade to Charmed Memories from Kay Jewelers:

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If bejeweled scrap metal doesn’t quite carry the weight you’d hope (and they do look heavy), howzabout you help her hide the weight with Kymaro Body Shapers:

(SIDENOTE: Don’t you think this simulation is pushing it?)

 

body shaper

This reminds me of Arnie and DeVito in "Twins" for some reason.

 

This last idea might not just be for the ladies.  It’s the Trojan’s Tri-Phoria vibrator, and… well, just watch and witness the groom’s unfettered excitement (at the 52 second mark):

And for the record, what does Tri-Phoria have to do with euphoria?  It’s not Deux-Phoria or Two-Phoria…

If I was in charge, I would have figured out a way to make it a quadruple vibrator (as opposed to a triple vibrator, however that works), and called it the – wait for it…

EuFOURia.

Awful Battle… Doggie Style, Literally

Much ballyhoo has been made of late in regard to a sex toy aimed at horny dogs.  (How highbrow does that sentence sound?  Dog whistle high?)

Anyhound, this is the latest offering in a joke of a world that never gets old:

dog_love_doll-2

By far, it is not the first, or the worst.  And that’s when I smell an Awful Battle in the air.  (Maybe I shouldn’t have said smell…)

AWFUL BATTLE… GO!

JusWondering… Am I A Sinner? Kirk Cameron Must Think So

Not sure why this has sparked my sudden interest, but the bad-seed-with-a-heart-of-Tracey-gold, Mike Seaver, we all grew up with (well maybe not all) has evolved into the Evangelical Kirk Cameron.  This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but if you don’t believe me, click here.
While propagandizing teaching his beliefs, he’s made a few films that help convey his message.  His latest is a film called Fireproof.  The explanation, via IMDb:
Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind. Inside burning buildings, it’s his natural instinct. In the cooling embers of his marriage, it’s another story.

After seven years of marriage, Caleb and Catherine Holt have drifted so far apart that they are ready to move on without each other. Yet as they prepare to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb’s dad asks his son to try an experiment: The Love Dare.

While hoping The Love Dare has nothing to do with his parents’ newfound faith, Caleb commits to the challenge. But can he attempt to love his wife while avoiding God’s love for him? Will he be able to demonstrate love over and over again to a person that’s no longer receptive to his love? Or is this just another marriage destined to go up in smoke?

All in all, it may not be your cup of tea when you’re a fan of a cup of T&A, but this video gathering the highlights of the film is… cringe worthy at best.  My favortite part is how instead of beating his wife, he destroys his computer.  I mean, who uses CRT monitors still anyway?  I guess it wouldn’t be as “dramatic” to smash a flat-panel monitor or toss a laptop.

This whole affair really got me wondering – am I a sinner for the things I watch on the internet?

Is it a sin to sing about masturbating in the future?

Is it a sin to watch people pretend to masterbathe masturbate?

Is it a sin to watch a Japanese alien wake up with morning wood?

Is it a sin to laugh at a Russian getting attacked by a dildo copter?

Is it a sin to research how the fairer sex can join in the fun of peeing while standing up (and writing their name in the snow)?

Well if I am… fuck it.  As the G.O.A.T., Billy Joel, once said:

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The Sinners are much more fun…

BONUS SINNING: