The Silver Lining… #4 Was #1 On Oscar Night!

The 84th Annual Academy Awards occurred last night, and as the infamous they say:

 Oh boy, did the stars come out!

But I noticed one thing that I’m sure ABC the Network wasn’t too happy about… there were a lot of NBC stars there!  Current ones!

Aside from someone obvious, like Alec Baldwin of 30 Rock (he was at the one of the special events… I think the one Oprah won at), you had plenty of Thursday night’s Must See TV Comedy Night Done Right:

Although they weren’t nominated for anything, Tina Fey of 30 RockEllie Kemper of The Office, and Maya Rudolph of Up All Night were there as presenters, and:

Oh boy, did they represent!

Three funny ladies in three serious dresses. Did they all go to posing school together?

Then when it came to Oscar nominations, you had Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live who was up for Best Original Screenplay:

Her "Bridesmaids" script had pooping in sinks! Oscar nod!

And then the big winner was Jim Nash of Community.  He won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Descendants:

He's the bald one mocking Angelina Jolie's earlier pose.

The best part is this is how he usually appears on Community as Dean Pelton:

These are just the tip of the Oscar's bald head!

So what does this mean ultimately?  NBC is consistently in last place of the four major networks, but they had the best showing at the Oscars.  That’s a sign of the massive amount of talent found there that dumb audiences aren’t finding!

CBS, which is in first, had only one star present… the Best Supporting Actress-nominated Melissa McCarthy of Mike & Molly:

She was hilarious on SNL, but I've never seen her show.

But she was in the movie written by  SNL  star, Wiig!

In closing, here’s what NBC’s owner, Comcast, might be saying:

Oh boy!  Oh boy!  Oh boy!

This is what I’m saying:

Oh boy, Community should be sitting pretty for a while now!

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The 2nd Annual Academy Awards Cage Match

This is the second cage match, you might ask?  (You shouldn’t be surprised about the annual aspect.)  Well, this is follow-up post – the first one never was published on this site (I forget where it was published).

Anyacademy, this is how this how thing goes…

Forget talent.  Forget skill.  For the 84th Academy Awards, the winners will be determined by who comes out of the Oscar Octagon alive.  At least, that’s how the winners are determined on this site.  I was of going to make pictures for all of the Acting! categories, but I realized, I didn’t really care about the Best Supporting nominees enough.  But you’ll still get to hear the winners!

Best Actress in a Supporting Role Winner

The five nominees in this category are from four movies.  How will this turn out?

Standing in five of the eight corners, the ladies size each other up.  Janet McTeer of Albert Nobbs is the obvious first target, because who the hell is she?  Bérénice Bejo of The Artist climbs the cage wall to flee because she’s (don’t say it) black and white.  Jessica Chastain and Octavia Spencer were both in The Help, and without a saying a word, they stand beside each other.  They brush past the meekish McTeer to take on the tough-as-acrylic-nails Melissa McCarthy together.  McCarthy, a student of the comedic pratfall, drops to the ground to avoid their blows, and with a few deft leg sweeps, takes down her attackers, leaving only McTeer who remains motionless.  Unwilling to battle without provocation, McCarthy turns away, raising her arms in victory.  Finally, McTeer unveils an umbrella, ready to strike.  Like a ninja, McCarthy sidesteps the swing, and with a quick jab, McTeer drops.

Melissa McCarthy wins!

Best Actor in a Supporting Role Winner

There’s only one youngster in this group.  Will he rise to the top?

Fresh from his role in Warrior, which is about cage fighting, Nick Nolte convinces Kenneth Branagh of My Week With Marilyn and Jonah Hill of Moneyball to let Christopher Plummer of Beginners and Max von Sydow of Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close be warriors first.  (He thinks that they’re brothers like in his movie because they’re both old… and he’s crazy.)  Perturbed over this notion, the pair turn on Nolte.  All three men tear off their shirts and thrown down, bare-knuckled and bare-chested.  Branagh and Hill stand back in awe, watching men be men beating men.  Hit after landed hit, sweat and blood and no tears, the fight lasts eight hours.  All three lean their heads on each others’ shoulders in a circle, holding one another up, occasionally giving and taking gut punches.  Bored with what’s transpired and perspired, Branagh rises from his seated position and he kicks the group over like the octagon was Sparta.  Hill hurries to retaliate in defense of the elder warriors, and in turn takes Branagh’s elbow to his jaw.  Hill slides across the floor.  Ever the Shakespearean dramatist, Branagh declares – “I directed motherfucking Thor!”

Kenneth Branagh wins!

Best Actress in a Leading Role Winner

Three of these characters were characters in real-life.  Are the fictional ones in for a reality check?

Michelle Williams plays Marilyn Monroe in My Week With Marilyn, Meryl Streep plays Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady, and Glenn Close plays Albert Nobbs in some movie, and because their such Actors!, they remain in character throughout.  Inspired by their conviction, Rooney Mara decides to be her bad-ass self from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, but Viola Davis refuses to  reprise her maid role in The Help.  Her reason – “When this is through, I’m not the one who’s going to need… The Help.”  Apparently Mara only plays tough – she is the first to fall at the mighty fist of Streep.  Her response – “Iron beats dragon every time.”  Davis adroitly moves about the octagon, squaring up against Close dressed as a man.  “I would never hit a lady,” Close retorts.  “Luckily, you’re no lady.”  Unfortunately for Close, she’s only quick with her insults.  Davis easily ducks her swing, and she shifts Close into a shoulder lift.  In the voice of Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi, Davis declares, “No Oscar for you!” as she throws Close to the ground.  Taking advantage of her distraction, Streep clothes-lines Davis.  Knocked down but not out, Davis returns to her feet.  The pair stares at each other, waiting for the others next move.  It should be mentioned that Williams has been giggling nervously in the corner throughout all this.  Davis finally lunges at Streep, and Streep knocks her out with one punch.  “Seventeen,” Streep says… at first.  Then – “I am Iron Lady!”  The Academy takes Williams incessant giggling as a sign of resignation.

Meryl Streep wins!

Best Actor in a Leading Role Winner

This group of gentlemen includes two best friends.  Will friend become foe?

Surprise, surprise.  The always chill George Clooney of The Descendants and Brad Pitt of Moneyball invite the group out for beers.  Everyone else declines, so they take off on their own, leaving Gary Oldman  of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Demián Bichir of A Better Life, and Jean Dujardin of The Artist a chance to fight for the Oscar themselves.  After another moment of consideration, Oldman bows out, saying, “This is bullocks.”  He catches up with Clooney and Pitt.  Fearing that he might appear like he’s some sort of Hollywood outsider, Bichir opts for boozing with the boys and resigns, leaving Dujardin behind, climbing the fence.  (Get it?  He was running away!  He doesn’t like to fight… because he’s (don’t say it) black and white!)

Jean Dujardin wins!

JusWondering… Why Do I Want Superpowers For Mediocre Uses?

This idea came about when I was thinking about how I really, really, really, would like a Lightsaber™ only to steal cool street signs.

Funny_street_sign

Hello hilarity, soon to be hanging on my basement wall!

I also might be inclined to use it to put holes in things, but otherwise, that’s all I would use a Lightsaber™ for.  Not for good, not for (truly) evil – only for comedy.

Then it occurred to me that I think the same way in regard to having superpowers.  My reasons to possess them aren’t grand by any means.

1) Flight

meflying

"Here I come to ruin the day!"

I talked about this once before, but I’ll bring it up again.  If I could fly, I’d use it to travel, of course, since it would cut my commute time to work in half!  (I’m still employed with this amazing ability.  Great fantasy.)  But the biggest trick I’d pull would involve me showing off my new talent at the Academy Awards™ while the stars walked the Red Carpet®… you know, just to show them up.

2) Invisibility 

douchexpress

C'mon... he deserves it...

If I could turn as transparent as the Balloon Boy Hoax©, I wouldn’t be hanging out in ladies’ locker rooms (although I might sneak into gym to workout for free if I was so inclined).  I’d use it key douchebags’ cars.  If you’d like to know what I’d take the time to scrape – see above.  Carrie Underwood (Patent Pending) should take notes before the next time he cheats…

3) Indestructibility

Bar fights, natch.  Maybe X-Treme Sports®…You know, just to show douchebags up.

4) Super Strength

I’ve always wanted a steamroller to run over different things.  I suppose I’d do the same (or at least similar) with my own hands.

5) Telekinesis

To be lazy.  From my couch.  Also – my bed.  Maybe the shower.

6) Telepathy

To win arguments.  And ladies’ hearts…

7) Time Travel

I’d go back a few days to post this on time on monkeyBLOGmonkeyDO™.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Academy Award Winner – Judd Apatow?!

An explanation may be required: Coinkydink = Coincidence & Coinkydonk = Not.  Happy now?

funny-people-poster

3 folks in this poster...

Since the previews were first shown for Judd Apatow’s “third film,” Funny People, I’ve had a feeling there was something a little more sinister going on behind the scenes.  Namely, I had a gut feeling Apatow might be seeking an Oscar nod.  Here’s the preview for anyone that doesn’t watch TV, have access to the TripleDoubleU, or go to the theater.  (Damn disabled embedding!)

Now I haven’t seen the film, and I don’t want to give away what I’ve learned of the plot, but believe me, it’s possible.  Apatow’s built himself a fairly sentimental/comical lineup, starting with television’s Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared, up to his directorial efforts, The 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up.  If Little Miss Sunshine and Juno can get nominations, why not Funny People?

Then it occurred to me.  Robert Redford directed a little film back in 1980 that cleaned up at the Academy Awards.  Want to know it’s name?

Ordinary People.

ordinary_people

...and 3 folks in this poster. Hmmm...

So I ask you, loyal audience wandering clickers spammers anybody, is it a coinkydink or a coinkydonk?

JusWondering… What Superpower Would You Like To Have?

From time to time, I like playing “What Superpower Would You Like to Have?” with my friends.  It’s usually the guys who participate, but the ladies have as well.  To play, you usually have to rule out the standards of the comics industry, like your Superman’s, your Spider-Man’s, and any of the X-Men.  Only straight-up special abilities are allowed.  For instance, last night’s trio of options:

  1. Indestructibility
  2. Invisibility
  3. Flight

Indestructibility was chosen by most (myself included, at first… I’m so wishy-washy).  It was decided that this allowed you an extent of fearlessness that would bolster you upon whatever life path you wanted.  Whether it be in business, in sports, or on the battlefield, you could be all you could be.

Invisibility was looked at as a shady route, which it most likely would be.  You’re given the ability to be sneaky and spy, to be a pervert, or to be a master thief.  No one selected this option… out loud.

Flight was a moot point, until my friend Devin interjected that it would be the most freeing.  He suggested that life would be a little less stressful if you could get up and go when the world was getting you down.  This got me thinking that I wanted Flight powers as well, because it too would provide you with an extra boost of confidence to accomplish more in this world.

Plus, how cool would it be to show up at the Red Carpet of the Academy Awards show, flying around, screaming, “Look at me!  Look at me!”  You’d take all the attention away from the glory hounds of Hollywood (but you’d probably also get shot down to be taken and examined, so… maybe not).

Here I come!

Here I come!

Devin also wondered if Indestructibility also provided some level of Immortality, because as he saw it, if the world blew up, you’d be stuck floating in space for forever.  I responded by stating you probably wouldn’t be the only one in the entire planet that had this ability, which then brought the whole discussion crashing down.  I guess the game of “What Superpower Would You Like to Have?” isn’t as Indestructible as I thought.

The Curious Case Of Dark Knight’s Snubbing (And Kate Winslet’s Nudity)

The nominations for this year’s Academy Awards came out today, and while a lot of other better informed, better thought-out, better written sites will have their two cents to suck on and hope they pass the Breathalyzer, here’s my wheat penny’s worth.

Um, hello…?  The Dark Knight anybody?  Sure, Heath Ledger received his well-deserved posthumous nomination for his portrayal/reinvention of the Joker, but where’s the Best Picture nod?  This film was hands down a surefire contender, if not the absolute best.  I thought the original Batman Beginswas award-worthy, and the sequel was ten times smarter, darker, and realistic than, gah, well I guess The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire (the other three are based on true stories, and we all know that’s code for loose adaptation). 

Don’t get me wrong – I love David Fincher and Danny Boyle (Trainspotting – ‘natch), and I’m happy to see them nominated as well, but where’s Chris Nolan’s nod?  And although I found Slumdog to be fascinating and worthy, Button kinda bit it.  I wanted to love the film, like I do Fight Club and Seven, but the intercutting between “Katrina’s coming” New Orleans and the overwhelming similarity to Forrest Gump (which screenwriter Eric Roth also scripted) sank it for me.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “The Curious Case of Forrest Gump from…“, posted with vodpod

 

 

 

OTHER WHEAT PENNIES:

I am glad that Martin McDonagh got nominated for writing In Bruges.  My friend, Chris, had recommended checking it out before I visited Belgium last year, and I wish I had… Bruges looked like a dream, except you’re awake (check out the film – it’s awesome).

Holla at Robert Downey, Jr!  Nominated not only for a role in a comedy film, but for wearing black face in Tropic Thunder.  Whodathunk?

WALL-E got nominated for Best Animated Feature.  WHOOPT-E FUCK-N DO.  Why should Beauty and the Beast continue to carry the distinction of the only animated film nominated for Best Picture when this (and Finding Nemo) blow it away?

In closing… my friend, Dave, asked if I had seen The Reader yet.  I had told him I hadn’t, but I heard Kate Winslet was nude in it, to which he replied, “When is she not?”  I dubbed her the female Harvey Keitel, and he did a spit-take with his coffee. 

Finis.

JusWondering… Tony Danza – Better Oscar Host Than Hugh Jackman?

This could have been In My Brain While Sleeping, but it may have occurred to me more as I was waking up: Tony Danza, famous for playing characters named Tony, should host the Academy Awards this year instead of Hugh Jackman.

Not to knock Wolverine off his high horse, but I think it’s time for this amicable, consummate entertainer to get his crack at another day.   Sure, “The Tony Danza Show” had it’s many flaws, but what about “Taxi” (the show not the flick)?  Who can forget the gender battleground that was “Who’s the Boss?”  And then there’s, um, always “Hudson Street“…

Plus, he’s been in film, and that’s a requirement to host the Oscars (David Letterman squeaked by with a cameo in “Cabin Boy“).  I’ll always remember Tony’s stunning performance in “She’s Out of Control!”

So in the end, do you want this?

When you can have this?

Reporter lady – what do you think?