The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Cookie And Candy Bar (Plus Pop Bottle) Sizes

Posted on by sgottahurt

Either my hands have gotten bigger, or my cookies and candies have gotten smaller.  I should clarify, since I was a kid.  And also, that I’m talking about actual cookies and candies.

Anywhoppers, it appears to me we’re going the way of the Japanese.  Not in terms of soda flavors:

Coming soon: BBQ and Squid

But in the way that they are smaller than our 20 oz. versions and cost a fair amount more.

  • Pepsi Shiso: Introduced only in Japan as a limited edition for Summer 2009, it’s transparent green.  Size: 147 ml can, price: 147 yen.  Also available in 500ml plastic bottles.  Shiso in English is “labiate” or “perilla”. (via Wikipedia)
  • 147 Japanese yen = 1.624497 U.S. dollars
  • 500 ml = 16.9 oz. (which is a size now available in the US)
  • I’m done with the math, but you get it…

Our Twix’s and Chips Ahoy!’s and Milky Way’s and Oreo’s are exponentially shrinking in size maintain a lower price point.  This site details the trend without any additional references, while this site supplies information they acquired from the Hershey Company (I’m highlighting only key moments):

  • 1976 – 1.2 oz… 15 cents
  • 1978 – 1.2 oz… 25 cents
  • 1980 – 1.05 oz… 25 cents
  • 1982 – 1.45 oz… 30 cents
  • 1986 – 1.45 oz… 40 cents
  • 1986 (same year) – 1.65 oz… 40 cents
  • 1995 – 1.55 oz… 50 cents
  • 2003 – 1.55 oz… 80 cents
  • 2007 – 1.45 oz… 79 cents
  • 2010 – 1.55 oz… 95 cents

By this rate, I fear one day all my favorites will be way smaller than I remember, and cost way more than I’d care to pay.

What do they cost on E.T.'s Garden Planet?

Are Reese’s Pieces the sign of the apocalypse? Can they in fact be the proof in the pudding?  (Actually, Reese’s Pieces in vanilla pudding sounds really tasty.)  Let’s have a look…

  • 1.63 oz. bags in 1982
  • 43 g bags in 2010
  • 43 g = 1.51678036 oz.
  • So, I guess not, huh?

Hibbidy-Wah?! The Grand Collection Of Actors! Acting!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Step right up and marvel at the wonder!  Come along and wonder at the marvel!  See Actors! at the top of their games, doing it all for you!

See the cast of The Big Bang Theory smacking their comedy chops for big laughs!

See Kristen Bell (correct spelling) and Christian Bale steal scenes from one another, until they become one!

Experience the range of emotions and desires that only the magnificent Harrison Ford can display!

Watch in fear what would happen if Captain Kirk (born William Shatner) fell off the deep end because of extensive drug use!

Awesome Battle… People I Currently Resemble

Posted on by sgottahurt

Over this weekend, I cleared my scalp and kept my full beard.  These are the select few I’ve been told I resemble, or that I instantly considered my dopplegangers.

To my sister, I took upon the visage of poet Shel Silverstein:

He looks like someone you wouldn't want to meet "Where the Sidewalk Ends"...

To my other sister, Jeff Bridges in his Iron Man baddie-mode, Obadiah Stane:

Can you trust this man? Of course!

To my boss/friend Paul, I became Wooly Willy:

Once upon a time, shredded bits of iron and a magnetic stick was considered fun.

To me, it’s a toss up between these two cartoon characters:

Alex Sector, Agent of M.A.S.K.

D'oh!

ADDENDUM: Speaking of “D’oh!” I forgot to mention that this Matthew McConaughey movie was on TV the day I decided to Bic my noggin:

Van Zan from "Reign of Fire"

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? “The Weaver” In Action

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I used to work at the video store, one of my friends there introduced me to the idea of “The Weaver.”  His definition:

Some actresses look really hot in some movies, and not so much in others… just like Sigourney Weaver.  Hence, ‘The Weaver.’

She hasn’t been around for a while (aside from doing voices in animated films).  Scratch that.  She did three movies in 2008 (Baby Mama, Vantage Point, Be Kind Rewind), but I barely remembered her being in them.

But my point is this – throughout her history in film, sometimes she looked better than others.  To begin, I reference her duality in Avatar:

Why so blue?

In the film, her character even made a reference to her cartoon self looking “hotter” than her actual self.  Rather than me inputting my opinions (not like I ever do this), here are images of some of her major roles.  You can decide which side of The Weaver scale she falls.  (Not included below: Half Moon Junction, because of these NSFW results.)

Alien - Aliens - Alien 3 - Alien Resurrection

The Year of Living Dangerously

Ghostbusters 1 and 2

Gorillas in the Mist: The Story of Dian Fossey

Working Girl

Dave

Galaxy Quest

Heartbreakers

Holes

The Village

Others that fall victim to The Weaver:

Cameron Diaz - Renee Zellweger - Reese Witherspoon

A Handful Of… Horny Birds In The Bush (Warning! No Nudity!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

We’re all animals.  Some of us more than others, of course, mostly because they are animals.

"Playa, playa, playa play on..."

This first video for the Vogelkop Bowerbird (click here) was found on my sister website, Something Knew (because it’s my sister’s website, you see).  These bowerbirds, from my understanding, are masters of seduction.  Using deer poop.

Birds of a feather...

There are over 40 different types of Birds-of-Paradise (click here) in Papau, New Guinea, and every one of them has the ability to flare their feathers in more interesting ways than this lady bird, or this peacock.

In searching for bird pics, I quickly learned that every photo must be preceded by the word "superb." This one was "super superb."

The Lyrebird (click here) isn’t as much of a (what’s the equivalent for “ladies’ man” in the bird kingdom?) as the above two, but I think it’s my favorite of the three.  Mostly because it reminds me of Larvelle Jones from the Police Academy movies.

And then who could forget about this one:

InASense, Lost… Kwedit (As In Credit, For Kids!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Thass wight... Kwedit.

Gawer ’round, gawer ’round, kiddie widdies… have I got somefing fo’ you.  Not a stowy wike your vewy bad dwunk Uncle Sean might tell, but a vewy big suwpwise…

A CREDIT CARD!
…er, I mean…
KWEDIT!

And what’s Kwedit, you might be asking, hence the what at the start of the sentence and the question mark at the end?  Well, howzabout I let Uncle Stephen tell you all about it.  Uncle Stephen?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Worth 1002 Words… Dolphin Uprising Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Evolution Revolution

Some alternates:

  • Higher Porpoise
  • Robo Blowhole
  • Dolphin Lundgren
  • See World
  • Bad Mammal-Jamma
  • H2 Uh-Oh

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Hip Hop Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

"Makes your booty pop (and lock)!"

This one will not be as difficult as my last So, Duh! Pop Quiz (or as nerdy).  Well, maybe it’s still (white and) nerdy.

1) I don’t know what they want from me, but from you, I want to know what mo money often brings you?

    a) mo toys
    b) mo taxes
    c) mo family and friends coming out of the woodwork
    d) mo problems

2) Complete this analogy… H : IZZO :: V : ?

    a) AGINA
    b) IZZAY
    c) VENDETTA
    d) VISITORS

3) Unscramble these performers names:

4) Who’s going back to Cali?

    a) LL Cool J
    b) The Notorious B.I.G.
    c) both a) and b)
    d) George Lucas

5) Which of the following ingredients LEAST help one feel laid back while thinking about money?

    a) indo
    b) Seagrams
    c) Tanqueray
    d) juice

Imma let you finish this quiz… after the jump… Read More

In My Brain While Sleeping… Peanut Butter Dream Theory

Posted on by sgottahurt

Skippy = Trippy

I’m really beginning to think I have my thumb on the pulse of my weird dreams.

EATING PEANUT BUTTER

These dream elements are merely that, without narrative.  But each of these happened the nights I went to sleep after eating peanut butter, either on a bagel or in Reese’s Pieces.

EXHIBIT A
The Strange Reincarnation Metaphor

On the list of possibilities of what happens after we die, reincarnation falls below nothing for me.  It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around.  But I have considered, if it does happen, maybe it’s not the path for everyone.

Much like how in this dream I had a variety of snacks growing out of the entirety of my right arm.  My forearm was covered in smaller snacks, like Lifesaver mints and Good & Plenty’s (though not Reese’s Pieces).  The closer to my neck, the larger the treats became, culminating in pretzel rods protruding like crystal spikes from my shoulder blades.  I resembled a candy aisle version of Superman’s enemy, Doomsday:

There's a good chance those spikes are rock candy...

So what’s the reincarnation connection?  All the foods could be snapped off and were completely (and grossly) edible, and most, but not all, of them would grow back.  Like they were reincarnated, you see.  It made sense in that dream sort of way – don’t think about it too much.

EXHIBIT B
Summer Never Ends at the Jersey Shore

Was it necessary for my subconscious to dream up this exchange?

Angelina to Snooki –

You are to Cheetos what I am to popcorn.

Whatever that means.

Are they making the same face, or am I cross-eyed?

And that’s the situation… when I eat peanut butter and fall asleep.

Drunken Recollection… DrunkWonderings

Posted on by sgottahurt

While boozing with my fellow booze hounds not to long ago, a few wonderings popped in my head.  These are them (is that proper English or proper drunk-speak?):

1) As a child, I was a fan of the wrong film series.

"I've made a huge mistake."

For most of my life, it’s been Star Wars all the way for me, baby.  And as an (alleged) adult, I’ve paid for it dearly, both figuratively and literally.

  • Figuratively… in the sense that James Bond would have fostered my inner Lothario, as opposed to Luke Skywalker inspiring my inner whiny “hero.”  (Granted, I could have looked to Han Solo, but he didn’t have a lightsaber and couldn’t use the Force.)
  • Literally… in the sense that I spent way too much fucking money on toys in a bid to recapture my lost youth.

On the other hand, if I had idolized Agent 007, I might have lived a life of danger (both in and out of the bedroom), but definitely his love of gadgetry would one day complement mine.

2) I should have picked different friends.

"Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"

Some of my friends I’ve known since I was four years old.  And at times I’m left to wonder, what does a kid know?  I already mentioned that I chose to make Luke Skywalker my hero and not James Bond when I was a young ‘un.  The incident that triggered this thought:

  • A friend-that-shall-go-unnamed-(though-he-knows-who-he-is) ran around Hooters getting the entire staff to sign the calendar he purchased for his toddler son.  Although one girl was clever (and inappropriate).  She wrote:

May your dreams be wet, and your diapers stay dry.  (Or something like that.)

  • To be honest, it was the gayest heterosexual thing I’ve ever witnessed.

3) Why does twelve seem like it’s a plural form of twelf, like how it is with pants and pant?

4) If going “number one” and “number two” means what they mean, what would going “number three” on up represent?

BONUS SOBER WONDERING, WHICH I GUESS SHOULD BE A JusWondering:

Why can’t I stop watching this video?

Here’s the shortened version for a maximized quick hit: