The real answer is Cat Daddy by The Rej3ctz (featuring Chris Brown).
The right answer is a pop culture shirt-hawking, leetspeak-laden, wheelchair-dancing hullabaloo:
It’s sort of mesmerizing… in a bitch I go to work sort of way…
One won; one lost.
Every season on network television, new shows come and new shows go. That’s why I made a vow long ago to wait until the second season before I get involved in anything shiny.
This worked with LOST. Although I wish that I waited until it was all over to ask if it was planned out like I had hoped, or completely made up as it went along, like so many accused it of doing. (It was fucking made up, by the way.)
This hasn’t worked with Fringe, though. I am currently so far behind, I’m willing to let it end and have someone tell me if it was worth it or not. I’m not going through another LOST scenario, if I can help it.
Here are some other shows I skipped in its first run, which were inevitably cancelled:
What’s not really that interesting to note is these are all sci-fi shows. Not a drama or comedy in the bunch. To be fair, I really don’t watch dramas, and the comedies I watch are weird, so I don’t expect them to be on more than a year (with the exception of Undeclared… that should have had a longer run).
So this year, I tacked on a few new shows: Up All Night, Free Agents, and The Playboy Club. I felt lucky after adding one new network show last year (Raising Hope). Two of the three are already gone (Up All Night has thus far evaded the axe).
I thought Free Agents was a smart relationship comedy with solid talents attached; The Playboy Club was stylish and sort of interesting, with plenty of cheese to spare. (Okay, I only watched it because of Amber Heard.) In both of these shows defense, they were trying something different… unlike the horrible Whitney and even worse 2 Broke Girls. I would try to watch these to get them cancelled, but it’s already too late to end them early…
Perhaps I can prevent a second year… (Who am I kidding!? They’re both too terrible to watch!)
I've seen funnier billboards than this billboard AND show.
Here’s what I would have might have written if I had a blog in 1993. It’s what I still think today.
Abandoned Slogan: "Good thing she drives him crazy."
When I graduated grade school four years ago, the song She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals was selected as our class song, and I was completely against it. The only problem? I had no other suggestions. What does She Drives Me Crazy have anything to do with leaving the eighth grade anyway? Is it a critique of our teacher? Even FYC’s Good Thing would have made a tad more sense, as in:
Good thing we’re graduating.
So as my high school graduation approached, talk of a class song came up. I wasn’t going to get super involved, of course, but I knew one of the girls that was. So I decided to throw a song idea her way.
She stated the group was considering Billy Joel’s This is the Time, which I agreed with, but it was already seven years old. Plus, it trudged up memories of grade school… why didn’t I think to suggest that song?
She continued to add that Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle’s A Whole New World was another option. Again, I wasn’t against it; my standards were pretty low. But I still had my suggestion to float.
Then she brought up Amy Grant’s I Will Remember You. I’ll admit it – I had a crush on the Christian-rocker-turned-pop-star, so I almost didn’t share my idea. I said almost.
It wasn’t even my idea, anyway. My buddy’s graduating class chose Van Halen’s Right Now, so I thought it would make a great statement to our teachers. A rockin’ anthem of moving on; a slamming slight against our private school establishment.
Just like She Drives Me Crazy. (Lesson learned.)
Well, even though Right Now was good enough for Crystal Pepsi, it wasn’t good enough for us.
In fact, none of those songs made the cut. Our class song ended up being Alphaville’s Forever Young. I’ve never even heard of that song! They didn’t play it at graduation, so where else am I supposed to hear this stupid song?! It’s not like I can command the radio to play whatever song I summon…
MODERN SIDENOTE: It would take many, many years for me to eventually hear Forever Young. Man, does it suck or what? Even the cover version sucks. Also, want to know why I never heard of it? The German synthpop song was already nine years old in 1993.
Yeah, this one has nothing to do with a dream (thankfully, you might be thinking). It’s just that the kid in this commercial is such a fucking spastic terror, I may have nightmares:
It's like Matt and Ben are the hood of the car.
Swingers and Good Will Hunting hold a sort of distinction in film history as being the “ones that dun it“… meaning, despite their best previous efforts, until the comedy and drama became success stories, nobody knew:
But which film is the better Bar Mitzvah Quinceañera Sweet Sixteen coming out party? Let’s wage an Awesome Battle!
BOX OFFICE
Swingers was put together for $200,000, and it went on to make $4.5 million. Good Will Hunting was produced for $10 million and it netted almost $226 million. That’s pretty close ratios, so let’s get specific:
$4,555,020 gross / $200,000 investment = 22.7751 (Swingers)
$225,933,435 gross / $10,000,000 investment = 22.5933435 (Good Will Hunting)
So Swingers earned just over 2277% of its budget, whereas Good Will Hunting earned just over 2259% of its budget.
CRITICAL ACCLAIM
We can take two aspects into consideration here: reviews and awards.
Swingers received 87% Fresh from critics (45 positive reviews and 7 negative)
Good Will Hunting received 97% Fresh from critics (68 positive reviews and 2 negative)
89% of the audience liked Swingers; 92% liked Good Will Hunting.
As for awards, Good Will Hunting won Best Supporting Actor for Robin Williams and Oscars for Best Original Screenplay went to Damon and Affleck. So that’s three for the drama; zero for the comedy.
INCREASE IN STAR POWER
So let’s take a quick rundown of everyone’s successes following these films?
Jon Favreau has directed these films which together grossed about $1.6 billion:
Vince Vaughn has starred in these films which together grossed about $744 million:
Matt Damon has starred in these two trilogies which together grossed about $2.1 billion:
Ben Affleck has starred in and/or written/directed these critically acclaimed films which together grossed about $477 million + Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor which made another $449 million:
(Plus Ben Affleck was getting plenty of J. Lo when the getting was good.)
SO THE OVERALL WINNER IS…
Us… I guess? Nope, nope. It’s their agents.
Finally transferring shitty magnetic tape to the digital age. Man, that stuff did not hold up! Not sure about my friends’ comic sensibilities either…
BONUS:
One Down - Two to Go
If you’re a fan of workout equipment that reminds you of male dirty bits, then move over Shake Weight, because the Free Flexor is in town!
Want to know how to fuck with drunk people at a baseball game?
Here’s three things that worked the crowd into a frenzy during my last regular season attendance at a Detroit Tigers’ game, which in turn, sort of drove me crazy:
1) Send Out Your Mascot
Stripes are solid.
I couldn’t believe how many people were tripping over themselves to get a picture with Paws, the Tigers mascot. And whoever was in that suit was so nice! No request was denied. It probably helped that it wasn’t too hot out…
2) Make It Rain Money
It's raining men!
Some smart-ass seated above our section thought it was a great idea to throw $1 bills down every once in a while. And it was. People went ape-shit crazy for just a dollar. But then again, that’s an easy McDouble after the game…
(SIDENOTE: So it wasn’t as much raining money, as it was feeling drops.)
3) Have Robocop Sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”
Okay, so it was the guy that played Robocop...
I’ve been waiting to write this post in the hopes that a video of Peter Weller singing during the seventh-inning stretch might pop up, but alas, it has not. So here’s this instead:
I do not/will not watch any of the Real Housewives’ shows. It’s not just because I don’t know where Bravo is on my cable (isn’t in syndication now anyway?), and it’s not because I’m some loyal fan of the show it was “inspired” by, ABC’s Desperate Housewives. It’s merely because it’s not my cup of T & A, where the T is for terrible and the A is for annoying.
But my brother presented an idea which isn’t far from the reality of what these “Real” scenarios are:
The UnReal Housewives of _________
Allow me to fill in some of the casting blanks:
The UnReal Housewives of Detroit
Starring:
The UnReal Housewives of Chicago
Starring:
The UnReal Housewives of New York
Starring:
The UnReal Housewives of Milwaukee
Starring:
The UnReal Housewives of Los Angeles
Starring:
The UnReal Housewives of Miami
This was way, way too much work for this punchline. You can definitely tell Detroit was done first…
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