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It’s Official. I’m Breaking Up With My Laptop.

Posted on June 14, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s official. Today the day I’m breaking up with my old laptop. The soon-to-ex was a Sony Vaio VGN-FS8900P. The insurance company supplied the replacement for my stolen PCG-505FX, and ever since our initial meeting, the VGN has kinda sucked.

The biggest problem in our relationship was the mouse pad. Or touch pad. Or whatever it’s called. As I would type, my hand would often tap the squared-off surface reserved for rodent activity, and my cursor would jump to wherever the arrow happened to be. Pain in the asterisk.

But now, I discovered that my new laptop -an HP TouchSmart TX2-1025DX, which already rocked in the first place – has an off switch for the mouse pad. And this mouse pad was never even a problem!

So to bid adieu to the old touchy touch pad, I’m setting up a dating profile for the VGN on WhataCache.com. See if you think I was fair.

First up, the picture. I couldn’t find an actual shot of mine online, and I don’t quite feel like getting up and taking a picture and transferring it to this laptop, so I found this:

A picture of my laptop's cousin that sort of looks similar, like in The Patty Duke Show. If you don't know that show, Google it. Or Bing it. Actually, it's like Google and Bing. (Wow. This is a long comment. I wonder if there's a limit?)

LIKES: A fully charged battery, Windows updates, proper shutdowns.

DISLIKES: Coffee, soda… pretty much any beverage.

TURN OFFS: Dropped wireless network connections.

TURN ONS: Power button, electricity in general.

HOPES: To find true love with someone using an external keyboard and mouse (as not to intermingle with the pad)

DREAMS: To not have its battery catch on fire.

Couldn’t Let This One Go

Posted on June 13, 2009 by sgottahurt

I used this pic in a post a couple days ago, but I don’t think anybody read it (if you did, thank you!). I fear this formula I formulated possibly went unnoticed, so here it is again, this time accompanied by my screaming at the top of my lungs…

NOTICE ME!

simplemath

After all the above groveling, I don’t find the formula all that humorous anymore. Hmm.

Happy Find… Turbo Heather X-Treme! (R/C Southern Belles)

Posted on June 13, 2009 by sgottahurt

Well I never!

That’s something Heather might have said if she was a talking doll. Instead, she’s a radio-controlled Southern Belle that’s also available as a six mode blushing bride drifter.

The girls hug her! The boys race her!

And she has a tornado of power under her dress, for Pabst’s sake!

(via Topless Robot)

Awful Battle… Android Creeptacular

Posted on June 12, 2009 by sgottahurt

Many months back, I wrote a post about the uncanny valley. I’m beginning to think that it’s becoming an uncanny canyon. Japan, the forerunners on creepy, have been working hard to do just that – mess with your mind. The following videos might not make you think of anything more than the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World or the Rock-a-Fire Explosion at ShowBiz (seriously… check the Rock-a-Fire out), but remember one thing… when the ride broke down, the pirates didn’t try to eat you! Because they’re attached to the floor, you see.

These androids are designed to be free-roamers.

Awful battle… GO!

Is that kid android wearing a doo rag?

Drunken Recollection… Going For The Goldfish?

Posted on June 11, 2009 by sgottahurt

I wouldn’t exactly say that I’ve been around the block (although technically, as a child, I rode my bike around the block a ton… I don’t know what I want this metaphor to mean!).

Let me begin instead with this: I’m for all intents and purposes (or is it “intensive purposes?”)…

I’m a bar frequenter. An aficionado of affordable alcohol. If you have drink specials, considered a seat filled. It’s been this way for me for quite awhile, as I haven’t been tied down by much of anything. Tumbling tumbleweed is how I often refer to my life.

So it’s safe to assume I’ve seen a fair amount of oddities in my bar days. I went to New York City to participate in a Snuggie Pub Crawl for Pabst’s sake!

But now I’ve discovered this:

Yup. Goldfish racing. In the bar. For prizes.

: It’s better than swallowing goldfish when drunk. Barely.

Apparently, this is not a new practice either. It (seems to have) started back in Utah, as long ago as 2004 (whooohoooo), and it’s been a subject of controversy since it’s inception. A press release by the Humane Society:

Words, words, words...

There are a few styles practiced. There’s the squirt gun style, as seen in the above video. Some people use straws, and they blow above or below the water, depending on the arena. And of course, some guy in Japan’s turned it into an art form… not unlike NASCAR:

Why do I bring this all up, you ask? As we were leaving one of the bars I frequent, a friend mentioned he saw a sign saying something about goldfish racing. I laughed and thought he was making it up, yet here’s this post.

Now if I can just remember which bar we were at…

JusWondering… Does Beer Make Me Smarter?

Posted on June 10, 2009 by sgottahurt

Sure… during my month of not boozing, I might have woke up each morning with an extra bounce in my step, but at work, more mistakes were made and more things were forgotten. Yeah, it’s possible I slept better or longer (courtesy of passing out) during the many sauced months that came before, or that the heaped upon hours I spent in front of the boob tube boobed out my noggin and rendered my work performance lackluster.

So I started to wonder… maybe I’m smarter under the influence. I do play a lot of trivia at the bar, and maybe that’s like running with ankle-weights for my brain. Research ensued and I discovered this headline:

Whuuuuhhh?!

Dost thine eyes deceive, um, me?

From the BBC article:

Mice fed moderate quantities of alcohol grew extra brain cells, but also showed a preference for alcohol over water.

Lead researcher Professor Stefan Brene said: “We believe that the increased production of new nerve cells during moderate alcohol consumption can be important for the development of alcohol addiction and other long-term effects of alcohol on the brain.”

Okay, maybe it doesn’t sound perfectly fantastic – or does it?

Alternatively, the extra cells might help with learning and memory, [Brene] said. Another theory, according to the researchers, is that the tranquilising effect of alcohol triggers the growth. All of the new cells developed normally.

My favorite line:

A spokeswoman from the Campaign for Real Ale said: “It is well known that alcohol in moderation is good for your body so it’s no surprise it’s also good for your mind. “Maybe that is why lots of pub quiz teams are so bright.”

Some other favorite lines… from The Legend of Bagger Vance:

Rannulph Junnah: Now, the question on the table is how drunk is drunk enough? And the answer is that it’s all a matter of brain cells
Hardy Greaves: Brain cells?
Rannulph Junnah: That’s right Hardy. You see every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells. Now that doesn’t much matter ‘cos we got billions more. And first the sadness cells die so you smile real big. And then the quiet cells go so you just say everything real loud for no reason at all. That’s ok, that’s ok because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real smart. And finally, come the memory cells. These are tough sons of bitches to kill.

And then there’s always Cliff Clavin’s take:

Well you see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

InASense, Lost… Zack Morris And I Used To Be Friends… Were To!

Posted on June 9, 2009 by sgottahurt

I had several idols growing up…

From the Detroit Tigers, there were Champ Summers and Lance Parrish
From the movies, there were Luke Skywalker and Han Solo Indiana Jones
And from TV, there were Alex P. Keaton, Mike Seaver, and Zack Morris

Because of my heroes from the Tigers, I’ve always felt at home in the outfield or behind home plate. Because of Luke and Indy, I learned to stand up for what’s right, and still do, whether if it’s my friends (and the galaxy far, far away) that are in trouble or if there’s an artifact that belongs in a museum.

But with TV – that glorious, nuturing glass nipple – I’m not sure if everything’s the same.

I was a Conservative Republican in my youth because of Marty McFly Alex P. Keaton. Not only was President Reagan keeping us “safe” from global nuclear disaster, Michael J. Fox’s character on Family Ties knew a thing or two about money… and what kid doesn’t like money? Since then, I’ve become more of a political moderate, and money is not the end all I thought it once was (I can get candy and toys whenever I want, you see).

Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...

While I looked up to Mike Seaver, I never got into The Boss or harassed either of my sisters into anorexia like he did. I’m not sure what I admired him for except for his confidence (and his MILF… and his WILF), but it sure as hell wasn’t his beliefs…

When it comes to Zack Morris, it’s a little bit different, though. We were both in high school at the same time. He was a likable kid that couldn’t quite get the cool and pretty Kelly Kapowski. I was going through the same thing in my mind life with a girl I had a crush on.

But how is he different from Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis, one might ask? My response: he was believable. Zack Morris, even with his time-outs and asides, seemed like a kid you could know, and the credit for that goes to Mark-Paul Gosselaar. That’s why whenever he gets more chances to move on in his career, I applaud him, like when he was in NYPD Blue or in Raising the Bar, or last night on…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon – Video …“, posted with vodpod

Never mind.

Simply Kaelin Some Time… (Keyboard Kato Style)

Posted on June 8, 2009 by sgottahurt

I apologize for posting another video (as if I don’t post beaucoup de vidz anyway), but the post I was working on started changing and growing from what I initially imagined (don’t worry – it will still be less than superb). I need to be somewhere else soon, plus I want to allow the other idea to ferment a little longer, so here’s my gift to you (via Tosh.0):