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Happy Find… Shawshank Redemption As 80’s Montage

Posted on by sgottahurt

I can say nothing better than what’s to follow.

Lyrics from “Team America: World Police” song, Montage:

The hours approaching, just give it your best 
You've got to reach your prime. 
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test, 
And show us a passage of time, 
We're gonna need a montage (montage) 
Oh it takes a montage (montage) 

Show a lot of things happing at once, 
Remind everyone of what’s going on (what’s going on?) 
And with every shot you show a little improvement 
To show it all would take to long 
That’s called a montage (montage) 
Oh we want montage (montage) 

And anything that we want to go from just a beginner to a pro, 
You need a montage (montage) 
Even Rocky had a montage (montage) 

(Montage…montage) 

Anything that we want to go from just a beginner to a pro, 
You need a montage (montage) 
Oh it takes a montage (montage) 

Always fade out in a montage, 
If you fade out, it seem like more time 
Has passed in a montage, 
Montage
Video from Funny or Die:
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JusWondering… Whatever Happened To The Song Fade Out?

Posted on by sgottahurt

As the title of the post says, “Whatever happened to the good ol’ song fade out?”  (I added the good ol’.)  You know how it went in the good ol’ songs from the 80’s and 90’s…  Instead of simply ending the tune like they do nowadays, they would repeat the chorus or hook as it descended into silence.  It would typically last for the, um, last 30 seconds.  Here are some examples:

Click here for Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl or here for Men at Work’s Land Down Under if you need more proof.

The only current song I can think of (and I’ve been thinking about this for awhile… when I remember to) is The Verve’s Bittersweet Symphony.  Otherwise, most songs nowadays just end.  Even if there’s a repetitive ending, there’s a sense of finality.

The theory on why this is: CD’s have changed the way we listen to music.  When in the days of cassettes and LP’s, people were more inclined to let the music play.  The fade out spaced out the songs, as opposed to having back-to-back ends-to-starts. 

Is this is the trend, or am I just a complete idiot?  (I’m leaning toward lazy, actually.)  If you can think of any other recent examples of radio songs that fade out old school style, feel free to prove me wrong by commenting below.

More Abby Elliott!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Since she was not prominently featured yet again on last weekend’s episode of “Saturday Night Live,” here’s Abby Elliott doing another skit for the Upright Citizens Brigade Midnight Show.  Enjoy!

Here’s the new cast member voted most likely to replace Tina Fey – Michaela Watkins.  Enjoy as well!

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I Am Thankful For… Hard Salami

Posted on by sgottahurt

Is it so wrong that I want to stuff you in my mouth?

Is it so wrong that I want to stuff you in my mouth?

To begin, turkey has somehow become the big brother of Thanksgiving feasts (ham is the little brother).  I’m sure there’s a very good folk tale/reason why turkeys have taken the head spot despite having no head, but I don’t really feel like looking into it. 

(Okay, I did look into it, but it’s a little boring.  It involves some queen of England eating a goose and the Pilgrims finding turkeys in America easier… blah, blah, blah.  I did learn that wild turkeys can run up to 55 miles an hour, though.)

If there could be a middle brother, though, allow me to suggest this – hard salami. 

You may wonder, “Why hard salami?”  I say, “Because.”  If you’re lucky to already have hard salami as a part of your holiday meal, then you can stop reading.  For those that don’t understand… here is my back up response to because:

  • Even though it thinks it’s hard, it’ s really easy.
  • It’s like giant pepperonis, but better.  (And I sure love me some pepperoni.)
  • I don’t know what they put in it, and I don’t want to know.  It keeps it mysterious.
  • I could eat it every single day, even if faced against something from Taco Bell.  (Only if either item was free, though.  If I had to pay, I’m sure the Taco Bell would be cheaper and thus win.)
  • It’s great with mozzarella on a plain bagel.  Trust me.
  • I bet it would be Jack Bauer’s favorite food.

(SIDENOTE: When Google image searching “hard salami,” I was afraid of what might come up.  The following was a pleasant surprise.)

Rachel Bilson... hard salami...too easy.

Rachel Bilson... hard salami...too easy.

Happy Find… Maria Bamford

Posted on by sgottahurt

Don’t know what it is about Maria Bamford, but after watching this, I was wiping tears from my eyes.  It wasn’t that I was laughing too hard… it was because I was crying.

I first discovered Maria when she was on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!” 

Click here to see the must-see clip, whether you like the clip above or not.  Thisssss – I command!

(from MilkandCookies)

More InASense, Lost… Beer For Kids

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay, this is in Japan, but still…

Actually, maybe selling alcoholism is better than selling sluttiness because you know how drunk girls can get!  Heh heh…

I’m going back to bed.  See you next year.

Here’s a special seasonal one:

InASense, Lost… Frightening Stuffed Dogs

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s Christmas, and as Perry Como likes to claim (even though he’s lying!), “The traffic is terrific!”

I, myself, on the other hand, insert foot in mouth, would like to point out something that is not so terrific, and may in fact be terrifying.  Check out this ad for a toy that takes the “Pound Puppies” into the “Bratz” teritory (sorry… got on an italics kick).  World meet “Tini Puppini“:

As the Little Drummer Boy might ask, “Do you hear what I hear?”  Go back to about the 0:22 mark on the video.  Besides the overall sluttiness we’re selling to our youth (which I don’t personally don’t have a problem with because when these girls turn 18… yowza!), do we really have to sell slutty dogs, too?

Okay, now if you heard “You’re such a ho!” I want you to go back and listen again with this pun in mind: “You’re such a howl!”  Did you do it?  You won’t hear ho again after knowing that’s what they say.

Anyho, I was kidding about the slutty kid thing above… It really is scary that backwards-ass parents would even consider wrapping up anything like this or “Bratz” dolls for their daughters as a gift.  I say, let girls become ho’s on their own terms, in their own time.  They don’t need dolls and stuffed animals to rush them.  Or shorts or sweatpants with writing on the butt… As much as I love reading asses, kids should have a clean slate.

BONUS SCARY STUFFED ANIMAL ACTION (via The Ghost Hunters via The Soup):

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I Am Thankful For… Greg Evigan

Posted on by sgottahurt

As Thanksgiving quickly approaches, each of us should give pause and thank the heavens above for all the things that have enrichened our lives.  Today, I am thankful for Greg Evigan, and these are the reasons why, in no particular order:
  • I learned all about Molotov Cocktails from him (courtesy of his TV show, “BJ and the Bear”).
  • He introduced the world to Staci Keanan, and my dreams to Staci Keanan (courtesy of his show, “My Two Dads”).  Whatever happened to Staci beyond “Step By Step?”  And why did Paul Reiser get another show?
  • He brought us the film “DeepStar Six,” which jumpstarted the career of Famke Janssen.  No wait.  She was in “Deep Rising.”  And, oh yeah.  How could I forget she was Xenia Onatopp in “GoldenEye?”  Moving on…
  • He taught me about two-way mirrors, and how to beat them.  It was some episode of “BJ and the Bear” where people were spying on strippers or something.  Because the reflection started at the contact point, as opposed to starting centimeters apart, that was proof it was a two-way mirror.  You could see through the mirror if you had another piece of your own.  I don’t know if any of this is true, but I’ve kept it locked away for future use because you never know.
  • Briana.  Evigan.  (“Step Up 2″… “Step By Step”… weird…)
  • Then there’s always “BJ and the Bear,” of course.

If The Hoff Can Unite Two Countries, What Can I Do?

Posted on by sgottahurt

A recent discussion at the bar prompted an exchange about what song can get a random alcoholic’s head bopping (and sometimes, toe tapping).  I proposed this ditty (not to be confused with Diddy, who as yet, has not sampled this song):

Another person at the bar whole-heartedly disagreed and brought up this tune as the great anthem:

RUFKM?  I barely remembered that song (although one can never forget David Hasselhoffmeister).  I argued it couldn’t qualify as a head bopping, toe tapper.  He had to remind me of this:
(Continued after the jump) Read More

InASense, Lost… Naked Chocolate

Posted on by sgottahurt

Anthropomorphizing candy is one thing, sexualizing it is another.  Making an M&M nude falls somewhere off the charts.

Today is chock full of disillusionment.  I’m going to bed early.