Video

Run Turtle Run!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Apparently, turtles can run away from home.  Within minutes of each other, I heard about two stories – count ’em TWO – about how somebody’s pet turtle fled the premises of their owners.

How could such a thing occur?  Underestimation of determination.  We’re talking about a species that fights to stay alive.  It not only fights to stay alive, but they live, like, forever.

There wasn’t much to the dual tales of woe.  The proud tortoise parents let their Sheldon’s or Shelly’s or… Terry’s (the storytellers could not deliver any names) wander about the yard, and not thinking much of their leathery pal’s abilities and desires, they left them unattended long enough to escape (or get picked up by hawks).

In honor of these two daring terrapins, watch this video about the little tortoise-that-could named Bob:

Musical Musings… The Ladies of “Lady Marmalade”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Almost seven years ago, this song reintroduced Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)? back into pop culture.  Sure, it’s probably gone again, ‘cuz y’know, all these kids, with their short attention spans and stuff…

How have the fair Ladies of Marmalade, um, fared since?  I’ve devised this nice pictograph to illustrate.  Hopefully you’ve brushed up on your French!

voulezvous

Translations after the jump. Read More

Drunken Recollection… Bombs, Bugs, And Blisters

Posted on by sgottahurt

There are things you’re taught, and there are things you learn.  There are things you know, and things you choose not to remember.  Sometimes these things come up at the bar.

Here are examples are each:

1) Things you’re taught.  I was unaware of the existence of cornmeal bombs, and then one day I was taught not only their purpose, but how they work.  Thanks CSI!

2) Things you learn. One of my buddies (Derek) works as a scientist (he says he’s not but by all intents and purposes, I say he is – just like how I refer to my engineering friends as inventors).  What his job entails is creating bugs that will get rid of these guys:

emeraldashborer

How much wood can a woodborer bore if a... wait, it can. So all of it.

What I think is cool (which is highly subject, considering I think it’s cool to be considered a scientist), is that I had no idea he did this now.  The last I heard he was categorizing lake muck, no he’s scientist-ing with insects!  Also, I had seen signs all around Michigan for years saying not to transplant wood because of the Emerald Ash Borer pictured above, but I had no idea that it looked… like… that.  Not to sound stereotypical, but it comes from Asia, and it looks like something that would come from Asia (is that stereotypical sounding?), in that I mean it looks foreign, and regal, and traditional (nice recovery).  Anywood, since it’s winter, Derek cuts down trees to put them in heat chambers that fool the little dormant buggers into thinking it’s spring, then he unleashes his (team’s) creations on them!  Awesome!

3) Things you know.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and I know I don’t have the right shoes for it, so I know that I’m going to get a blister or two from speeding running jogging up and down the court.

4) Things you choose not to remember.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and the chance came up to play last night.  I had a soccer game that started late, so I knew I could squeeze in a couple hours of hoops.  Then I’d have no problem playing soccer right after…

[INSERT GENERIC IMAGE OF BLISTER ON FOOT, PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY THAT’S NOT GOING TO PUT UP ANY PICTURES LIKE THIS]

JusWondering… Where Have I Seen You Before?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The beautiful Meital Dohan has entered my world seemingly out of nowhere.  I have recently been catching up on Season 2 of Showtime’s Weeds and that’s where I found her.  At least that’s where I thought I found her.

meitaldohan

***sigh***

 For my job, we use a little online service called LogMeIn, and this is the smiling face that greets me every time:

logmein

***www.sigh.com***

Could it My Sweet Meital?  It sure looks like her to me.  My friend, Aaron, doesn’t think so, but I told him how this girl I worked with at The Dive restaurant in L.A. was also on the cover of a mathematics software box at Best Buy.  He started to see the similarities after that.  Further examination:

And everybody has to get their start somewhere:

Happy Find… A Smart-Ass Idea And A Dumb-Ass Idea

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is like a “Twilight Zone” episode in 18 seconds:

And this like an episode of “According to Jim” in 1:45 minutes, but 1000x funnier:

(via IDLYITW and College Humor)

Happy Find… My Impending Songsmith Addiction

Posted on by sgottahurt

The wunderkinds wonderbreads Vistapushers, um, developers at Microsoft have developed a retarded gay lame program called Songsmith.  If you’re brave enough to watch the research team’s demonstration video about the product, be my guest and click here.

For those of you wise enough to trust me, which isn’t saying altogether much about either of us if you do, all you need to know is that Songsmith is a music making program.  And I use “music making” in the loosest sense.

The premise is this: you hook your mic up to your pc and open the application.  You sing a made up song however you want, and the program will create the backup music for you.  Srsly.

The fun part is that there’s a YouTube channel by azz100c that contains plenty of famous original vocals run through the program.  A few of my favorites are a folksy version of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, and to explain the sound of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” would spoil the fun.

(Thank you again ever so much Videogum… you rock!)

InASense, Lost… 80’s Pop Culture Reference That I Missed

Posted on by sgottahurt

My sister, Becky, recently started a blog about things she learns everyday called SomethingKnew.  Since I’m usually forgetting things, I thought I’d pay tribute to her site by recounting something new that I learned.

Today, I discovered the origin of a nickname I received when working overnight at Target.  I didn’t even know there was a basis for the moniker.  Whereas most of the other overnighters bounced around departments in the store, my only job was to take care of Plastics – the unpacking and organizing of all large Rubbermaid and Sterilite containers.  I always had a bunch of cardboard by morning, and the trash compactor runner guy, Greg, used to call me Baby Plas.  He called my friend, John, the Gordon Fisherman for some unknown reason, and my friend, Rodney, simply Dangerfield out of necessity, I guess. 

And I didn’t think much about it.  I thought it was just an odd yet obvious choice.  (For example: if I was dubbed, say, the Trix Rabbit, I would have wondered where it came from, much like I did with John the Gordon Fisherman.)  Somewhere inside me, I resigned to the fact that it teetered on the Dangerfield zone of unoriginality.

Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon this facet of pop culture that escaped me:

Baby Plas was a reference to “The Plastic Man Comedy/Adventure Show.”  Baby Plas was Plastic Man’s baby.  I worked with plastics.  I was more the Gordon Fisherman than John would ever be.  I was more Dangerfield in every sense of the word.

And I missed basking in the nickname. 

For shame.

Happy Find… Git’Mo At Gitmo! (SNL Skit)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Aside from John Malkovich’s recent stint on Saturday Night Live, the material has been lacking.  This bit from Rosario Dawson’s show is probably the best of the night.

Vodpod videos no longer available.  

Sober Recollection… Going, Gothic, Gone!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Last night I went out for my friend, Jenny’s, 30th birthday.  We went to a goth industrial night club in Detroit called the (Leland) City Club:
Like Blade rave minus vampires and blood shower, I think

Like the rave in "Blade" minus vampires and blood shower, I think

We arrived late by my standards (courtesy of the snow and collected company), but it’s primarily an afterhours spot, so to the regulars, we were probably early.  Since it was midnight, I could have either pounded as many bottles as possible, or keep my mind clear for people watching.  Speaking of clear…

  • Upon arrival, I thought “I’ll keep my mind clear,” and I saw a dude in a clear shirt.  Then a grand woman passed by that put the BOOST in bustier, and I thought, “Biiiig.”  Then a woman no taller than 4′ followed her, and I thought, “Smaaaall.”
  • On the telly above the bar, this scene from “Superbad” was playing.  Notice the wound on McLovin’s cheek at the end… is it CGI?  It sure looks like it was digitally added, and I never noticed until last night:
  • A woman sat on a dude’s lap in the corner, straddling and facing him.  There was no movement, per sé, but I wondered if they were doing the deed.  I brought this up to another friend, Lisa, and she suspected the same.  It wasn’t until moments later that I saw them both smoking side-by-side that my suspicions were confirmed.
  • The electric chandelier above us had energy-efficient coiled black light bulbs:

Like this, but purple
Like this, but purple
  • There was a dude that looked like an elf, and a dude/dudette (?) that looked like an anime character, amongst many other things.  I pondered what percentage of people here partook in the Renaissance Festival (nice alliteration… at least the first part).  Since two people in our group of eleven had, it was fare to assume they weren’t alone.
  • I wasn’t surprised to find out that I knew some of the music (Ministry, Depeche Mode).  I was surprised to smell fabric softener coming off someone’s black hoodie with the anarchy logo on it:
Smells like Snuggle

Smells like Snuggle

  • I learned that my brain may be wired like that of a moth, as my eyes were wont to follow any bright light in the form of glow sticks, light up yoyos, and a shirt like this (the sound bars actually moved):
See the music, taste the light!

See the music, taste the light!

  • Finally, my nerdery outstepped itself by conjuring up reference to an obscure “Star Wars” character no one in my group knew, as there was a guy who looked exactly like this, save the green pigmentation… and his hair was in a bun:
"How do I get to Detroit? Is it on Hoth?"

"How do I get to this... Detroit? Is it on Hoth?"

(Sorry BillyGoatBluff, but it was another sober night.)

Happy Find… Talking Goats

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sorry about the bulk of  videos today, but they were talking about this on a local radio station this morning (89X, y’all), and I had to put it up, too.  I don’t know why it’s so funny to me, but I believe the subtitles “Help!”