This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Or at least it’s P-L-A-N-T-A-I-N-S!
From my understanding (which translates to “I just learned this”), Lady Antebellum has been a part of the music scene since 2007, but I’ve only recently heard about the group courtesy of their simple and catchy crossover hit, Need You Now. The group is composed of Charles Kelley, Dave Haywood, and Hillary Scott(pictured above), which makes the trio’s name no less strange. It’s two guys and one lady. And antebellum means pre-war so no further help there.
Like Lady Sovereign before them and Lady Gaga after them, perhaps their moniker was inspired by…
Lady BIRD Johnson – former First Lady and husband to President LBJ (not to be confused with the president of LJN)
Lady VOLUNTEERS or“Sympathy for Lady VENGEANCE” – one’s a college basketball team from Tennessee and the other is a South Korean film… the ball’s in your court to decide which is which…
Lady XOC orLady XIN – a Mayan queen and a smart Chinese woman (insert sexist joke here)
Lady YANG – she was a Chinese consort, princess, and Taoist nun… in other words, she stayed busy…
Lady ZEP, Lady ZEPHRIS. orLady ZELDA – this is my favorite group… one’s a Led Zeppelin cover band, one’s a creature from World of Warcraft, and one’s a charter yacht… I couldn’t have made any one of those up
BONUS MUSICAL MUSING: I’ve intended to gripe about this for a while now, but I kept forgetting to. It’s more shit that is plantains, and I didn’t hear any mention of it anywhere else. Why was Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl (I’m not linking the video for spite) such a huge deal when Jill Sobule sang about the same thing back in 1995, when it was still sort of taboo? Nowadays, it’s kind of slutty.
SIDENOTE: I’m not saying I want it to stop.
BONUS NON-MUSICAL MUSING: Cougars grow up to become cat women.
We’re all animals. Some of us more than others, of course, mostly because they are animals.
"Playa, playa, playa play on..."
This first video for the Vogelkop Bowerbird (click here) was found on my sister website, Something Knew (because it’s my sister’s website, you see). These bowerbirds, from my understanding, are masters of seduction. Using deer poop.
Birds of a feather...
There are over 40 different types of Birds-of-Paradise (click here) in Papau, New Guinea, and every one of them has the ability to flare their feathers in more interesting ways than this lady bird, or this peacock.
In searching for bird pics, I quickly learned that every photo must be preceded by the word "superb." This one was "super superb."
The Lyrebird (click here) isn’t as much of a (what’s the equivalent for “ladies’ man” in the bird kingdom?) as the above two, but I think it’s my favorite of the three. Mostly because it reminds me of Larvelle Jones from the Police Academymovies.
While boozing with my fellow booze hounds not to long ago, a few wonderings popped in my head. These are them (is that proper English or proper drunk-speak?):
1) As a child, I was a fan of the wrong film series.
"I've made a huge mistake."
For most of my life, it’s been Star Wars all the way for me, baby. And as an (alleged) adult, I’ve paid for it dearly, both figuratively and literally.
Figuratively… in the sense that James Bond would have fostered my inner Lothario, as opposed to Luke Skywalker inspiring my inner whiny “hero.” (Granted, I could have looked to Han Solo, but he didn’t have a lightsaber and couldn’t use the Force.)
Literally… in the sense that I spent way too much fucking money on toys in a bid to recapture my lost youth.
On the other hand, if I had idolized Agent 007, I might have lived a life of danger (both in and out of the bedroom), but definitely his love of gadgetry would one day complement mine.
2) I should have picked different friends.
"Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
Some of my friends I’ve known since I was four years old. And at times I’m left to wonder, what does a kid know? I already mentioned that I chose to make Luke Skywalker my hero and not James Bond when I was a young ‘un. The incident that triggered this thought:
A friend-that-shall-go-unnamed-(though-he-knows-who-he-is) ran around Hooters getting the entire staff to sign the calendar he purchased for his toddler son. Although one girl was clever (and inappropriate). She wrote:
May your dreams be wet, and your diapers stay dry. (Or something like that.)
To be honest, it was the gayest heterosexual thing I’ve ever witnessed.
3) Why does twelve seem like it’s a plural form of twelf, like how it is with pants and pant?
4) If going “number one” and “number two” means what they mean, what would going “number three” on up represent?
BONUS SOBER WONDERING, WHICH I GUESS SHOULD BE AJusWondering:
Why can’t I stop watching this video?
Here’s the shortened version for a maximized quick hit:
This video leaves me equally speechless and wishing for a friend… one that would travel down the road and back again and kick this guy in the nuts for freaking me the fuck out!
BTW, where’s Sophia?
To think, I was going to post this video and leave it at that:
Just like (almost*) all remakes, We Are the World doesn’t even hold a candle to the original. The thrill of all those superstars getting together for a great cause was unprecedented… at least for 1985. No one seemed to be involved for the face time or the advancement of their careers because they already had plenty of face time and stable careers.
Soloists from the 1985 version (known as USA for Africa):
Not one of them (not even Kim Carnes, who had previously won two Grammy’s for Bette Davis Eyes) was an obscure artist. Sure, chorus had its odd inclusions (Dan Aykroyd and Bette Midlerpar exemple), but the overall tone of the arrangement felt sincere. Especially since Madonna wasn’t any part of it.
LINGERING QUESTION: Why didn’t Smokey Robinson get a solo part?
Now before ripping, um, getting into the new Artists for Haiti version, I must give pause to ponder: are my feelings based in nostalgia (which is like an underage female robot), or in actual taste? Has the concept of this type of project been tainted by the likes of Voices that Care, I’m Fucking Ben Affleck, 30 Rock’s Kidney Now, and Huey Lewis’ I Am the World (videos below)? Or am I simply jaded?
Without further ado, ugh, We Are the World 25 for Haiti (skip to the 1:12 mark to get around the egomaniac that is Jamie Foxx):
Could you make it through the entire thing? You’re a brave soul indeed. Now I can’t really fault or knock the intentions or the cause, but here are some things that I can knock:
Who the fuck is Justin Baby Bieber and why the fuck is he taking Lionel Richie’s spot? Oh, he’s a YouTube star? My bad. (*wanking motion*)
Academy Award-winning, non-American Idol-winning Jennifer Hudson can sing. That’s for sure, but compared to the grouping above (save poor Kim Carnes), is she that big of a star? (I was being figurative, no pun intended… even though I love puns.)
Even though I didn’t know who Jennifer Nettles was, I found out she’s from Sugarland. I know think they’re a popular country band, so she earns her Kenny Rogers card.
The next stretch I can approve of: Tony Bennett, Janet Jackson, and Barbra Streisand. My only problem (besides the reused MJ footage) is it feels like foot-stomping. (Foot-stomping = “Wah! I didn’t get my turn!”)
Josh GrobanandMary J. Blige are welcome parties, but their presence (see what I did there?)reminded me of their comedy appearances below.
In other words… nostalgia is pointless. I mean, if you’re going to build a robot, why make it a little girl? Unless it’s a weapon, I guess.
Sorry, I know the provocative title sounded like this post was going to be about something decidedly Japanese, but you’re as wrong as an underage female robot from Japan would could be.
In all actuality, it’s about the 1985 show called Small Wonder, and it’s forgotten awfulness. I’ll let this video do the talking:
Let’s see how my fond memories of Manimal and Automan have held up:
Well, it’s like what Owens Lee Pomeroy always used to say (or at least said once)…
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect!
I kind of like how the red Hug-E-Gram crosses out the one lady. I really like how the salesman swears with reckless abandon.
If time machines existed, I would go ahead in time one week to pick up the Hug-E-Gram I’d order today, then I’d go back 50 or so years and bring him a set of plush arms so he could record that message of love for his boss.
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 
