Worth 1002 Words… The Infantata From American Horror Story Edition
What The--?!
Some alternates:
- Eff That!
- Hoozie? Wutzee?!
- Jiminy Crickets!
- Hibbidy-Wah?!
- Pooped M’Pants…
(via)
TV
In Defense Of… Some Of My Strange Sacred Cows
There are three things I’ve recently stumbled (or restumbled) upon that have bothered me. If you would have asked me in advance if they would, I would have laughed at you and said:
I guess it’s possible.
Then I would have went back to my day.
Nonetheless, here they are, in no particular order:
- At first. I was upset they made a sequel. Then… I got really upset.
I’m not a fan of the film Hoosiers, but I recognize its place as a revered sports flick. Maybe I need to see it again, but I remember seeing it during all the hoopla (pun!), and not thinking it was anything special. So it took me by major surprise when I thought there was a sequel to the Gene Hackman classic, starring Matthew Perry instead.
It was called Hoosiers II: Senior Year. My temper shot up the charts; how dare they, I cursed.
But then I found out it was a spoof preview that played at the ESPYS… and my anger didn’t subside:
IT’S SO FUCKING HORRIBLE I’D PREFER A SEQUEL!
- I don’t think I’ll ever like Michelle Williams.
This is probably the best picture I've ever seen of her.
I can’t stand Michelle Williams. I tolerate her, not only because she’s probably not leaving Hollywood any time soon, but because Heath Ledger had to see something in her (other than his baby).
I don’t find her disgusting, a terrible actress, or an awful human being. So what causes this disdain?
Joey (Fucking) Potter
I loved Katie Holmes on Dawson’s Creek so much that it’s weird I can no longer stand her either (CRUISE! *shakes fist at the sky*)… you see, Williams played “the other girl,” Jen Lindley. whom Joey had to compete against for the affection of Dawson Leery (James Van Der Beek), and I guess I can’t let that go.
(SIDENOTE: I should mention that I stopped watching the show pretty early on, although I know she and Pacey ended up together. PACEY! *shakes fist at the sky*)
- Please don’t let this become a trend.
You know how naming gimmicks come in waves… first there were commas:
Truly, Madly, Deeply / Girl, Interrupted / Definitely, Maybe
Now is it going to be four word titles?
Words! *shakes fist at the sky*
Martha Marcy May Marlene and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy are at the fourfront forefront of this impending trend.
Why can’t they use good ol’ commas, ampersands, articles, pronouns, and and’s like Blood, Guts, Bullets and Octane or The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, & Her Lover. Even shorter lists do it, like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels and Fast, Cheap & Out of Control.
Speaking of Martha Marcy May Marlene, did you know that Elizabeth Olsen is the younger sister of these two?
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? We’re All Puppets In Some Way, I Guess
The Muppets and Stars and Guest Stars and Cameo Stars and a Building and Horizontal Blinds
I saw the new Muppets movie around Over-Indulgence Day, and something about its cast struck me as interesting on a Coinkydink or Coinkydonk level.
It occurred to me that cameo star John Krasinski (better only? known as Jim Halpert from The Office) has connections to three of the ladies in the film.
Johnny Be Good
In The Office, John Krasinski’s character dated both Amy Adams and Rashida Jones’ characters, and in real life he’s married to Emily Blunt (she played Miss Piggy’s receptionist in Paris).
So is he in it because they’re all in it, or, no – it wouldn’t work the other way…
That’s crazy, right? It’s at least as crazy as Stephanie Courtney being in the Cavemen TV show:
You see, she was in a show based on GEICO characters, then she'd later be a character in Progressive ads. Talk about job insurance!
BONUS COINKYDINK OR COINKYDONK!
Disney’s Muppets:
Fozzie, wait for it...
Disney’s Puppets:
...okay, go for it! "Wocka, wocka, wocka!"
(SIDENOTE: Isn’t it weird that Miss Piggy is wearing the same outfit?)
Why the non-Muppets are puppets:
- Whoopi Goldberg is one of the hosts on The View which is on ABC… which is owned by Disney.
- Rico Rodriguez, or Manny from Modern Family, and it’s on ABC (see above).
- Selena Gomez was on Wizards of Wizardly Place, which was on The Disney Channel.
BONUS BONUS COINKYDINK OR COINKYDONK!
The last two movies I saw in the theater featured this guy, and he’s only been in like six twelve films:
The NPH
A Handful Of… The Video Games That Got Away
It’s closing in on Gimme Gimme Day, and what better way to celebrate the joyous overconsumption and high-expectations of youth than to examine the video games I was never Given Given.
Here are A Handful Of… The Video Games That Got Away:
Ah, the good ol' days of 16-color EGA graphics...
Not what you’d expect to be first. This came out back in the days of me playing the original Maniac Mansion and Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders, but it was only available for Commodore 64. I had an IBM-compatible. To those not around at the time, that’s like wanting Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception, when all you have is the Wii.
I had a Sega Genesis, but I didn’t get the system when it was originally released with Altered Beast. Then again, ToeJam and Earl was still released after that. I’m not sure why I didn’t get this game. All I know is that I wanted it.
Another nerdy PC game. (It was available for DOS, but it looked fantastic on the Amiga. So I wanted the Amiga.) I didn’t even really play chess, but I guess I craved digitized violence. Don’t be surprised if one day it’s revealed that this game paved the way for Mortal Kombat. Speaking of kombat…
This was one of the two arcade fighting games I was good at (the other was Virtua Fighter), so when it was announced that there would be a version for the Super Nintendo, I was ecstatic. Then I realized how people must have felt when Pac-Man was finally released for the Atari 2600… Here’s the SNES commercial:
"I get to be on top!"
This game might look familiar, although its name is not. That’ sbecause you probably saw Tom Hanks playing it in the movie Big. Sadly, TCOTEW never existed in the real world… until now. Try it by clicking here.
Think of it as my early Gimme Gimme present for you.
JusWondering… Why Does This Commercial Make Me Talk To My TV?
Normally, television commercials are skipped by me with the simple press of a button. Especially when they are ads like this shitty local one (I didn’t even want to post it here, so you’ll have to click on those words).
But this commercial…
I don’t know what it is about it…
I can’t seem to skip past it.
And to top it off, I actually talk to my TV while it’s on! So strange…
(SIDENOTE: But not as strange as what’s in the lower right hand-corner of this screen.)
In My Brain While Sleeping… Scarlett And Amber In The Same Dream?! Don’t Get Your Hopes Up
I am enamored with Amber Heard:
The Gods Heard My Heart
And everyone loves Scarlett Johannson (except Ryan Reynolds, and maybe Sandra Bullock):
I should write her a Scarlett Letter...
Well, lucky me had a dream in which both of them appeared…
…except they only wanted to talk.
About the meaning of life.
In an abstract setting.
As they walked and discussed the infinite, the scene kept changing like a screensaver. Or a Salvatore Dali painting:
Not cool, subconscious... not cool...
Awful/Awesome Battle… The Many Faces (Or At Least Two) Of Fear
It’s been long enough since I’ve seen this video about recent UFO sightings across the world that I can finally post it here. Have I mentioned how I feel about aliens before? Here’s a tip on how to get through it – focus on the misspellings (why do videos like this always have misspellings?)…
AWFUL
This next one is creepy, but in a fun way, which seems weird to say based on what it’s, um, based on, but it’s true. Honestly, it’s one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a long time.
AWESOME
Happy Find… Munsters No Longer Pushing Daisies!
They're creepy and the cooky, but you legally can't say that.
I wonder if I’m the only person that used that title. Doubt it.
That’s because TV writer-producer Bryan Fuller created Pushing Daisies and Dead Like Me, and now he’s set to relaunch The Munsters. He’s turning it into a darker, hour-long series, as opposed to a cheesy sitcom. I’d like to stay the happy medium of his other shows. I feel like I’m writing this like I’m still in middle school. I wonder if that’s subconsciously because The Munsters reboot reminds me of watching reruns of the original when I’d come home from school in the fifth grade. It also reminds me of the time I learned the concept of the subconscious and I was still having trouble with run-on sentences and paragraph structuring.
In Defense Of… This “Type” Of “Racist” Joke
Remember Yakov Smirnoff? What about Gallagher? Carrot Top?
I am none of the above.
Anywhoarethey, they’re style of comedy is so outdated it’s almost funny in a non-funny way… like a Laffy Taffy riddle… or a terrible Knock-Knock joke. (I guess ironic is the word I’m looking for.)
So I feel the same about this old knee-slapper:
Black people are like ____, and white people are like ____.
For example, take a listen to Tracy Morgan (above) as Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock by clicking here for an example.
So why this post, why now? I’ve come up with a version of this joke. Here we go…
Black people are all like UMBRELLA -ELLA -ELLA:
…and white people are all like PARA- PARA- PARADISE:
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? A Doppelganger Double Banger!
Rob Dyrdek doesn’t seem like a bad guy. He even seems to have plenty of unique ideas, as evidenced by his MTV show, Fantasy Factory. But lately, I’m not so sure…
First, there was…
Wild Grinders and Super Mario
I know that Mario Mario (real name) doesn’t hold the patent on red and blue ensembles, but come on. Dyrdek’s Nickelodeon cartoon based on his Wild Grinders toy line looks a lot like he who dons raccoon apparel to fly.
And then there was (or this might have been first)…
It's Ridiculousness how much Ridiculousness is like Tosh.0...
Let’s just remember, aside from skateboarding, Dyrdek got all his cash money from Rob & Big.
So is that a Coinkydink or Coinkydonk?
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 