TV

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Stan “The Man” Lee

Posted on by sgottahurt

The Golden Age, Silver Age, and Old Age of Stan Lee

There are few celebrities I’ve had the chance to interact with (and surprisingly, I’ve not yet done a post on that… hmm), and Stan Lee is one of them.

If you don’t know who Stan Lee is, you’re an idiot I’ll sum it up like this… Wikipedia entry:

He co-created Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, the Avengers, Iron Man, the Hulk, Thor, Daredevil, Doctor Strange, and many other fictional characters, introducing complex, naturalistic characters and a thoroughly shared universe into superhero comic books.

Not bad, right?

My exchange with him occurred at a book fair at UCLA some many years back.  He was taking questions from the audience, and he pointed sort of toward me, so I stole some other guy’s question.

STAN LEE: Okay, I was pointing at the other guy.  What’s your question?

ME: Many current writers consider you their inspiration.  What writers inspired you?

STAN LEE: Oh, I’d say all the great ones… Shakespeare, Dickens, blah blah blah…

(SIDENOTE: I don’t really remember the extent of his answer, but my question was pretty good, right?)

Anyuatu, as for his more recent endeavors, I don’t think he’s firing on all radioactive spider bites.

Remember Stripperella?

Yup. This happened.

Remember Mosaic and The Condor?

Mosaic's a chameleon, but not in this scene. I couldn't find any chameleon scenes.

The Condor's a super skateboarder. Voiced by Fez from That 70's Show.

And now there’s going to be The Governator?

"Cal-e-forn-e-uh!"

That’s not Just Shitty, that’s Super Shitty.

Hibbidy-Wah?! WTF Is Wrong With Skittles Candy?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know if these air on TV, but I’ve only just discovered them.

What they do they have to do with Skittles?  I have little idea.  But if these rainbow-colored, bite-sized candies made me trip rainbow-colored, bite-sized balls anywhere near the level the makers of these commercials had to be… I’d probably still not eat them.  I’m more of a Reese’s or Twix guy – their commercials only make me think of two things getting mixed together or pause.

Drunken Recollection… Different Types Of Hot

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is an old battle I’ve been meaning to revisit for quite some time.  It’s a war of semantics and the preferred way of getting my hands dirty.

The alcoholic argument I’ve had with cohorts goes like so:

In any given situation, with any given group of girls, one girl is always the hottest…

Sometimes the bar has been set so low that the hottest girl might not be as hot in other situations…

Thus she is __________ hot.

This is the point of contention.  What word best describes the type of hot:

CLASSROOM vs. WORKPLACE

To illustrate my point, let’s use Blake Lively and Eliza Dushku as objects subjects:

Here they are in basic bathing suits.

Both look stunning in their conservative attire, and are definitely above par for the course of this discussion.  Nonetheless, let’s imagine two rooms full of regular women, with one of them in each room.

For Blake Lively, she would be designated hot of course.  But would you say she’s CLASSROOM hot?  Meaning that in any given classroom situation, she’d be the hottest girl?

For Eliza Dushku, would you prefer the term WORKPLACE hot?  Meaning that any workplace, she’d be the hottest girl?

Classroom vs. Workplace

Okay.  I’m probably not making myself clear here.  I’m getting distracted by the pretty ladies.

Which term is the better classifier?  I argue CLASSROOM because you’re a part of a smaller group within the larger machine – SCHOOL.

Some friends argue that it seems creepy, and that WORKPLACE works as a better classifier.  I would retaliate with the fact that we’re discussing classifications, but I did use the word work… so I’ll say that if they said BOARDROOM hot, they’d be on the same page.

But maybe we’re all wrong, and there is only one clear way to explain this idea of the regular girl rising to the top of regular girls to become hottest – and no, it’s not the HIGHLANDER way of “There can be only one!”  But it is just as nerdy:

COMIC CON HOT

For your consideration..

The proof in the figgy pudding, Jessica Nigri (also known as The Comic Con Girl or The Pikachu Girl):

Shirt open, case closed.

In Defense Of… Justin Bieber

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s about that time for a new category, and this is one I’ve had an idea about for quite some time.

The premise is simple and it’s this:

Take a hated subject and write a polemic against the againsts.

I won’t argue for it.  I won’t praise it.  I’ll just defend it, hence In Defense Of.

So who better to start with than the one and only teen heart-throb and bane of most h8rs existence, Justin Bieber:

For example, I want to say, "With a fivehead like that I understand the bangs!" but I won't.

In the spirit and honor of this new post, I’ll begin with this:

  • Justin Bieber is nothing new… he’s merely the latest incarnation of a time-honored tradition.
  • Like the world’s oldest profession, the heart-throb is a mainstay.
  • “The Heart-Throb” is a product of the times, not a producer.
  • Much like how this nation elected a philanderer when our morals were at their lowest, an imbecile when we were most scared, and someone completely different when we wanted something completely different, Bieber is an unassuming girly boy in an era when women are seeking out effeminate, metrosexual men, for the most part.
  • Plus, young girls are kinda dumb and prone to clustered thinking… he was basically in the right place at the right time (on YouTube).

Much hullabaloo is also made about his hair.  So… does anyone remember Joey Lawrence?

Whoa!

He started out as a tyke on Nell Carter’s Gimme a Break! but really gained fame using the above catchphrase on Blossom.  Then he took a stab at a music career:

But his heart-throb status faded through the years, and the same will happen to Bieber.  Heck, Bieber has already made his appearance on CSI: Las Vegas… Lawrence appeared on CSI: New York just four years ago!

So the way I look at it is this:

Ignore him.

Maybe even start to like him.

My sisters used to have their walls plastered with New Kids on the Block posters and their room filled with paraphernalia.  By the time Step by Step came out, I stopped fighting with them about their obsession.  I even admitted to start enjoying their music.  The posters didn’t last much longer after that.

To close, I’ve made these diagrams:

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Pop Culture Jumbalaya

Posted on by sgottahurt

Remember your ABC's... sitcoms...

There have been a few things that I’ve remembered or discovered or wondered that didn’t warrant their own posts.  So here they all are in one place!

  • What do Growing Pains, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, and Full House all have in common?

Well, they were all on ABC.  That’s easy.  But did you know remember care that Alan Thicke appeared at the beginning of Mark Curry’s new show to welcome him to the network as well as the old Growing Pains‘ set?  Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper’s first show took place in the Seaver home – as is/was.  That’s weird.  But even weirder still was that the second episode featured Michelle Tanner (Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) and Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) from Full House.  Weirdest of all – the show lasted five seasons.

  • EMF and Andrew Dice Clay’s worlds collided.

I had no idea that the opening “Oh!” and titular line “That’s unbelievable!” in EMF’s Unbelievable were sampled from raunchy “comedian” Andrew Dice Clay.  And that’s unbelievable.

  • Things that still make me go hmmm…

I haven’t been able to find anything one way or another about these possible Coinkydinks or Coinkydonks, but it doesn’t mean that they’re true (or not):

Did Huey Lewis and the News name themselves such as an homage to 60’s rock group Gary Lewis and the Playboys?

Did 90’s Britpop group Elastica take that name as a spoof and celebration of hard rock band Metallica?

Does anyone else besides me care?  You’re unbelievable.

The Sh– To Even More The Sh–… The Schnitzelbank Song

Posted on by sgottahurt

I am in utter absolute glory.  I recently visited this German bar in Detroit:

Pictured: Dakota Inn of Detroit (Not Pictured: Surrounding Urban Blight)


It was in this very place that I thought I discovered the magnificent Schnitzelbank Song.  Here is the accompanying chart (because how awesome can a drinking song be without an accompanying chart):

Yes, that Haufen Mist is a pile of cow dung...


In public, it sort of went something like this (I swear the Dakota’s Inn version was 100x better):

But in all my research, I came to realize why this song has endeared itself so strongly to me.  And that reason why is this:

(SIDENOTE: It also explains why the name Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer has long been stuck in my subconscious…)

Drunken Recollection… Strange Animal Sports

Posted on by sgottahurt

Apparently, this happens:

At the bar, someone brought up the fact they used to play this in high school.  (I still doubt they played it.  Seems kind of potentially dangerous.)  But nonetheless, I didn’t believe, and in not believing, I made an ass of myself.

The last time I didn’t believe, it was about this being possible:

I had to eat crow after that.

Thanks, I’m here all night!

Happy Find… The Truth About Facebook

Posted on by sgottahurt

I recently got rooked into Facebook by way of a Gmail link-up, and I have to be honest… it’s kind of dumb.  As I look at everybody making statements and people commenting on them and liking them… it’s kind of dumb.  I might be biting the hand that feeds, though, especially now since I’m on the CIA’s grid.

Via the awesome and layered Onion News Network:

In My Brain While Sleeping… CGI Oprah In “Oprah: The Life Of Oprah”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Motion capture is one of the laziest inventions in cinema ever.  It’s advanced rotoscoping for all intents and purposes.  (You can click on the links if you don’t know what any of that means.)

AnyCGI, I had a weird dream that Steven Spielberg was working with Oprah Winfrey to make a film version of her life story.  The catch?  She’d play herself throughout using motion capture.  This is my (Not So) Artistic Representation of how she would look as a child:

She appears more alien than child. Whoops. Which should work for Spielberg...

(Original image after the jump) Read More

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Charlie Sheen’s Shared Histories Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Let’s get right into business, since this is overdone overdue.

  • Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer’s Shared History

Two and a Half Men wasn’t Sheen and Cryer’s first shindig together.  That would have been 1991’s Hot Shots!

Everyone's thinking - "You were in that movie?"

  • Charlie Sheen and Angus T. Jones’ Shared History

Sheen and young co-star Jones each appeared in two different movies with the same title.  Can you guess?  No peeking below–too late.

The answer is... "The Rookie"

  • Charlie Sheen and Michael J. Fox’s Shared History

Everybody already knows that Sheen replaced Fox on ABC’s Spin City.  But did you know that Fox had it in his contract that should he leave the show, he’d still get paid?  And did you know that Sheen had this same “Michael J. Fox Clause” in his own contract?  You did?  Okay.  Then did you realize that Sheen’s character in the Wall Street films was named Bud Fox?  Is that enough of a Coinkydink or Coinkydonk for ya?

He should have said he has "fox blood" instead...