TV

A Handful Of… Former Soap Stars You Didn’t Know You Liked

Posted on by sgottahurt

I would guess that except for two people I know that read this blog, no one that reads this blog watches soap operas.  (While in all actuality, no one I know reads this blog…)

Anyboohoo, there are probably some Actors! you like that you didn’t realize were on soap operas earlier in their careers.  And these appearances weren’t just cameos or extras work… legit characters were given life by these fan favorites.  Let’s begin with one that you may know about:

  • Sarah Michelle Gellar – Kendall Hart, All My Children (1993-95)

She played Buffy. She played Daphne. Who can't she play?

WHY YOU LIKE HER: On one hand, the background in the above photo should be a clue.  On another hand, this.

  • Tom Berenger – Tim Seigel, One Life to Live (1975-76)

City Mouse and, um, Country Mouse

WHY YOU LIKE HIM: Come on… he was a bad ass.  Not only was he in both Major League films, he was in Platoon, the first The Substitute, and three Sniper films.  Grant it – I’ve only seen the baseball comedies.  Did you know there were three Sniper films?!

  • Richard Dean Anderson – Dr. Jeff Webber, General Hospital (1976-81)

All he needs is a paper clip, a gum wrapper... and a mullet.

WHY YOU LIKE HIM: It should be a mantra – MacGyver, Stargate SG-1, MacGyver, Stargate SG-1, MacGyver, Stargate SG-1, MacGyver, Stargate SG-1…  You get it.

  • Alec Baldwin – Billy Aldrich, The Doctors (1980-82) / Joshua Rush, Knots Landing (1984-86)

Everybody used to look like this eventually.

WHY YOU LIKE HIM: This is my controversial entry.  Not just because you may have never heard of The Doctors soap opera (there’s a stupid talk show starring a Bachelor reject with the same name) nor because Knots Landing was a nighttime soap, but because some people don’t like him!  This blows my mind, just like the fact he was on TV waaaay before Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock.  (P.S. Check out Malice if you’ve never seen it.)

  • Christopher Walken – Mike Bauer, Guiding Light (1954-56)

So many choices... I chose this.

WHY YOU LIKE HIM: I was going to close with Rick Springfield until I made this discovery.  I mean, Jesse’s Girl is the never-dying, one-hit wonder I’ve always wished joked that wished I could write, but how many movies would have never made it to production if Walden didn’t get involved?  Blast From the Past, The Stepford Wives, Joe Dirt, Excess Baggage, Balls of Fury, Envy, Country Bears… I should have went with Springfield.

(more here)

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? I Have To Get Ready Of “That” Shirt

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here’s this guy in that shirt:

Here’s me in that shirt:

I look badass. I look like a watermelon samurai...

In My Brain While Sleeping… Charlie’s Angels’ High Tech Secret

Posted on by sgottahurt

This dream probably occurred because of the new show starting, but this was about the original cast of Charlie’s Angels:

Jaclyn Smith - Kate Jackson - Farrah Fawcett

Somehow I was privy to a little secret about some top-secret technology they used.  Top secret technology they used down below.  They would simply press a little button:

Well, one little button on a clunky device.

And… well… something would suddenly disappear.

Why don’t I let Mickey Mouse explain:

InASense, Lost… It’s Already Been A Dozen Years

Posted on by sgottahurt

The 1990’s.

They finished twelve years ago.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

Some of the stuff in this video happened twenty years ago:

Microchips, microwaves, faxes, airplane phones, Hammertime, monthly visitors, witches were women, Cinderella would talk deals on her cellular phone and throw her wicked step sisters into the pool, people kissed, girlfriends had girlfriends, parents discussed sex with their children – or not, you would say something cool before you hit someone in the face, unnecessary litigation…

Anybody miss the hair?

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/29455771]

(via)

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… The Toys That Got Away

Posted on by sgottahurt

The year is 2006.  The 20th Anniversary Edition Optimus Prime has just been released.  Upon hearing this, something else might have been released… in my pants…

When I was a child, there was nothing I wanted more than Optimus Prime.  The problem was that he cost $20, and I had a difficult time saving up a score of buckeroos.  There was always something else I wanted that cost exactly what I had, so alas… no Optimus Prime.

UNTIL NOW:

Hellz yes.

My dream has been not only met, but exceeded.  This celebratory edition may not include the weapons base trailer, but he looks just like the cartoon – in robot and vehicle form!  It’s an insane representation!

So what broken dreams are left floating around my adolescent heart, you wonder?

They are, in no particular order:

  • Centurions – Wild Weasel

This went to Sam Rockwell, right? It was Jake Rockwell? Oh well.

You might not remember Centurions for their cartoon or toys (there were 65 episodes produced!), but I will never forget this cool vehicle idea.  In retrospect, the real world application of it wouldn’t fly roll past production, and in further analysis, I probably liked it because it reminded me of TRON (you probably don’t remember that old 1982 movie either).

  • Star Wars – Tatooine Skiff

Everybody wanted this; nobody had it.

This one still didn’t live up to the Desert Skiff we all wanted with every fiber of The Force, but it was better than what was originally offered.  And too bad it came out after I started collecting M.A.S.K.

  • M.A.S.K. – Razorback

This car could arch its back. For some reason.

I still consider M.A.S.K. the best toy collection of my youth (StarCom was a close second), plus I was blessed in prolonging my longing for the vehicles I missed the first time around when they were getting dumped in KayBee Toy Stores years after they were gone from store shelves… on clearance.  I never got a second chance to get Razorback, but I still have dreams about finding them still (this is 100% true).

  • Transformers – Grimlock

Me, Sean, want Grimlock badly.

Perhaps there’s a 20th Anniversary Grimlock on the horizon?  How about 25th?  30th?

Awful Battle… The One In The V-Neck Shirt Vs. The One With Feathers In His Hair

Posted on by sgottahurt

Schadenfreude’s a bitch.

Sometimes finger earplugs just aren't enough.

Simon Cowell’s American Idol X-it strategy, The X Factor, feels more like America’s Got Talent mixed with The Voice than the ratings juggernaut, and the ratings are proof.

The tenth season of American Idol debuted with 26 million viewers, minus Cowell, whereas The X Factor debuted with only 12 million, with Cowell.

Has he gotten too big for his britches?  Or are people burnt out on singing competitions at this time of the year, having just finished with the two mentioned above?

Perhaps timing has everything to do with American Idols success.

Or maybe, it’s the people.

Icon vs. Icon

With Simon Cowell, you get no bullshit, and that’s a bonus.  But he thinks no bullshit don’t stink, so that cancels out his assets.  With Steven Tyler, you (seemingly) had quite a genuine and caring individual that contrasted everything Cowell represented, and there was no looking back.   It probably has something to do with the amount of tail each has had, and the way it was had.

  • Tyler + groupies (+ drugs?) = Crazy, Amazin’, Love in an Elevator
  • Cowell + some woman who passed or accepted all his criticism and cynicism = dollar-sign-eyes sex

WINNER: Steven Tyler

Former Diva vs Former Diva

We already had enough of Paula Abdul before she left Idol, but Jennifer Lopez sounded like a self-entitled nightmare.  Turned out J. Lo was about as nice and pleasant as could seem (she’s not that great of an Actor!), and a hell of a lot more intelligible in her insights.

WINNER: Jennifer Lopez

Insider vs Insider

Randy Jackson seems like the cool, approachable guy in the band, and he probably was when he was in Journey.  L.A. Reid, on the other hand, comes across as a corporate incubus, seeking out the next talent whose life-force he could siphon.  Or a RuPaul impersonator.  Mostly, I judge the new judge based upon the immortal lyrics of P!nk:

LA [Reid] told me, “You’ll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.”

She’s done a hell of a lot better since being herself, so…

WINNER: Randy Jackson

Tits vs Twit

Okay, this isn’t the proper match up, but who is that British guy taking Ryan Seacrest’s role as announcer or interviewer or host or whatever his role is called?  And Idol wisely gave up the notion of a fourth spot, so why did The X-Factor go with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger?

WINNER: Nicole Scherzinger… tits always win.

Happy Finds… One For Now – One For Later

Posted on by sgottahurt

Write this name down:

Grace Helbig.

Why, you might ask?  Because this girl is gonna be Helbig.  Not big as in huge.  Well, not huge as in large.  Um, not large as in… well, I’ll just say it – not fat.  (But yes to phat.)

Anyyoutube, ever since first catching my attention on G4’s Attack of the Show, I’ve been checking out her vlog: Daily Grace.  And I can’t stop watching.

I don’t think she’s for everybody, but her comedic talents are palpable.  One of her better vids from last year:

I’ve sort of jumped around her catalog, but once I start, I’m mesmerized.  I truly believe her natural skills and natural looks could go over very well on the big screen.  And by big screen, I don’t mean fat screen.

Now back to the small screen… Have you heard this?

The Simpsons might get their own 24-hour channel!

How cool would that be?  I’d probably start watching them again… while in any waiting room… instead of the news.

Hibbidy-Wah?! This Is A Thing Now, Too?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve brought up cone-ing once before, but I had no idea that there would be an anti-movement against it.

If you’re unaware of what cone-ing is, it’s the process of buying an ice cream cone from McDonald’s and grabbing it by the ice cream.  It’s apparently become such an epidemic that the workers are striking back:

Here’s a more sampled collection of exchanges:

I guess if What’s Coming Out of Miley’s Vagina? can become a thing, anything’s possible:

"You ain't never had a friend like me..."

Right weirdo?

Unofficial Trilogy… Man’s Mind Trilogy

Posted on by sgottahurt

This has been a topic I’ve intended to set up for a quite while now: a focus on the Unofficial Trilogy.  And since the majority of my posts tend to rally around music or TV, I wanted something that’s solely movie related, hence this.

On more than several occasions, I’ve seen three movies consecutively, or close enough to each other, that all tie into a similar theme.  To initiate this category, I will discuss the Man’s Mind Trilogy.

Look at how dark all those posters are.

Roger Dodger

Ladies… do you think men are pigs?  Are they born that way, or are they made?  That’s kind of the simplest breakdown of this film’s thesis.  It examines the effects of wanting/having/needing sex on the male mind, and how that gets passed down through the generations.  Campbell Scott plays uncle to Jesse Eisenberg, back when Jesse was just Hallie Eisenberg’s older brother, and not an Oscar-nominated Actor!  Who’s Hallie, you also ask?  Remember the Pepsi Girl commercials?

High Fidelity

Author Nick Hornby could have made this list twice (About a Boy was thisclose to making this trilogy), but this one is on here because it examines what men think about relationships.  Every aspect of relationships.  Before they’re in them.  While they’re in them.  Even the flickering relationship men have with the memories of their faded relationships.  And it takes place in a record store.  You know, because records is a metaphor for records, yo!

Fight Club

What does it mean to be a Man in the Modern World?  Fight Club certainly doesn’t pull any punches (ha!) when examining this question.  I won’t divulge the scope or the twist of this film because if you haven’t seen this somehow, I won’t be the one to ruin it.  But I have three parting words for you: duvet… and Bitch Tits.

In Defense Of… This Unlikely, Unlikable Couple

Posted on by sgottahurt

You may not know the names Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stoddard, but if you watch celebrity gossip shows, you know their faces:

This is marriage, with an emphasis on "age."

Yes, this is the happily wedded couple consisting of the 51-year-old Actor! and the 16- or 17-year-old Country Singer(?)!  Many uproarious reports have been filed and fed to the public, but I’m here to *ahem* defend them.

Why have I waited so long?  Basically, the bottom of the barrel has been scraped away, and they are what’s left.

To begin, I’m not going to get into any of the age junk; I’m more interested in the weirdness factor.  That’s the only thing I can defend.  They’re getting their own reality show, and it begs the question – is this what they’re all about?

Let’s examine other trainwrecks that have had their own reality shows:

In reality TV, their show would simply be a combination of The Real Housewives and Toddlers & Tiaras, and both of those are certifiable hits… and certifiable misses.