"Forehead and seven years ago..."
For some reason, the site Nic Cage as Everyone reminded me of this old video I never posted. But you need to know them both. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Yay you!
It’s an end-of-the-year-decade evaluation of the year decade that’s come before. Long story short – there was nothing new.
The only things left to hit the mainstream were the very things that were once thought taboo, which explains Jenna Jameson’s widespread fame (no pun intended), the common knowledge of cougars and MILF‘s, and the over-sexualization of the underaged (i.e. countdown-to-age-eighteen clocks for the Olson Twins, Hayden Panettiere, Miley Cyrus, etc).
"If you like it, then you know it's got a ring to it..."
Gone are the days of truly independent filmmaking. (And BTW, I didn’t ask for 3D films to be brought back.) Hip-hop and rap break down barriers no more. Television turned game shows into reality programming, but did little else except compartmentalize audiences between channels. Everything has become corporatized to the point of homogenization.
“So what have the Aughts wrought us?”
Outside of the birth of a new medium boom of the Internet (known as the ol’ TripleDoubleU ’round hyeh), and the boon that was social networking (YouTube, Facebook, Friendster, et. al.), the web just offers another outlet for pre-existing formats.
So what rose from the ashes of the Y2K bug? One thing…
Although it technically was first heard in 1998, when Cher’s Believe* was torturing me via my alarm clock, while my face was smeared in a puddle of chunky pink Marguerita upchuck on my tiled bathroom floor (true story), it wasn’t until this decade that it took a foothold on almost everything on pop radio (list here).
She suffers from a rare case of "moonstruck."
From Faith Hill’s The Way You Love Me in 2000 all the way up to (though not including) Jay Z’s D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune), the 00’s could be remembered as the Aughto-Tune Decade (clever!), although outta-tune, auto-crooner Kanye West would probably like to think the decade belonged solely to him.
She suffers from a lack of attention.
My Prediction for the 10’s
Since Lady Gaga is the Cher of now, and IMHO she’s actually quite talented… and not to say Cher wasn’t talented… I guess what I’m saying is… keep an eye on her. She might set the next trend. Or not. Who do I look like, Phil Spector? (Don’t answer that.)
(SIDENOTE: I’m secretly rooting for Taylor Swift and her aw-shucksness to put the societal downward spiral on hold.)
*Another early auto-tuner was Kid Rock’s Only God Knows Why (1998). And it’s true – only God knows why Kid Rock hooked up with Pamela Anderson after finding out she had Hepatitis C. Perhaps he confused it with the vitamin…
I’ve had so many Happy Finds that I can’t quite keep up with, so instead of letting them get lost in the ethers of net, here’s a good ol’ fashion dump list. Don’t hate me!
1) The BossHoss
This band from Berlin mocks celebrates the stylings of country music in America by covering pop tunes from America. They refer to their versions as “Country Trash Punk Rock.” But in German, I guess. (via Dave, more BossHoss here)
2) Remember these?
Oh yeah, Lisa Skye! I forgot about, um, her...
Not the specific (wacky) strip itself, but the Hostess ads found in comic books about, oh, 25-30 years ago. Okay, you probably don’t remember them. But Seanbaby (no relation) did, and he’s collected all the food-tossing, problem-solving insanity on his site.
Working in IT (as I do) requires an amazing amount of patience. Don’t believe me? Click on the above link, or simply watch this video. You will believe… (via Eric)
4) Unicorn Vs. Narwhal – The Game
Ever wonder what the outcome of such a fantastic battle (but not quite Awesome) would be? Click the above link and find out! (via Urlesque)
5) Working UPC Art
Like this? I can get ya even more!
Check out 24 other functional barcodes at The Chive.
I’m running low on my Christmas spirit as I’m quickly realizing most all of my Christmas wishes are not coming true. Smack that up against with me coming across this over-indulgent greeting card that almost two-million people have already seen (speaking of smack, that kid’s mug is begging for one):
I watched the entire extravaganza, and I guess the guy that set it up used to do special effects for Disney, but still… ick. The song is even terrible.
It kind reminds me of a light show version of this:
"It's craptastic!"
(And for the record… no, I am not his neighbor…)
I had a mystery that required solving (as all mysteries do) about a week ago. The situation was this:
I had awakened in the middle of the night to witness an infomercial for a product that you sat on, and it was supposed to help your spine align properly. I had no more to go on than that… well… that, and the website site that sounded something like BooYah.com.
I asked everyone around the office. I Googled as fervently as I could. I could not find anything about this thing you sit on for spine support.
That was until I stumbled upon the word “orthotic.” And indeed, the product was like a shoe insert. Very soon after I found it… BackJoy.
As Danny Glover once said, in his mid-20's, "I'm too young for this shit."
My co-workers had me thinking I dreamed it, when it was truly a reality. No longer would I be uncomfortable sitting on stools without backs at the bars – I could have BackJoy! And that’s when it hit me. I’d have to carry this thing around with me, wherever I went, because I’m sure my back would get used to it.
So then I settled upon wanting this. It was love at first glance:
An older Danny Glover was overheard saying, "I'll take ten." (Because he's rich, you see.)
Parajet SkyCar – the flying auto! A reality actually spawned in my dreams! Oh, the places– wait, what’s that? It glides? With a parachute?
Just give me the BackJoy. And make sure it comes with a carrying case…
Probably because I’m hungry right now, I’ve got food items to put on my Christmas wish list.
First up, there’s a product out there called Crispycones, and I’m already moving Hot Pockets around to make room in my freezer.
And while I’m waiting, can somebody please make me one of these? Funfetti, of course.
(click pics for respective websites)
I scream, "Pizza!"
He screams, "I'm done!"
It’s that time of year again, when the bugging reaches an apex – What do you want for Christmas? What do you want for Christmas?!
All right! I’ll tell you.
For starters, I’d like either one of these t-shirts. I only want one, because I don’t think I could pull off that level of irony more than once per laundry load. (Click on each self-explained pic for the link to the site.)
"Mommy, is there a Chippendale's in heaven?" "I hope so, sweetie. I hope so."
"There are too many babies in the corner! Can anyone else help?"
When my alarm started going off, this website reverberated in my head:
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
Just like those HeadOn commercials, I thought about it all day.
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
There was only one in particular that I remembered. On this dreamed up website (the URL was still available last time I checked), they turned the infamous, allegedly dirty, C-3PO trading card into a light switch.
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
FunnyLightSwitch.com
I don’t know what else could have been on such a blog, as this was the best material I could find…
(I apologize for being behind on posts… I plan to catch up soon.)
My friend (and coworker) Chris often makes interesting web discoveries, and he always passes the info onto me, and I to you. I always make sure to give credit where credit is due, so I thank him for his finds as a footnote. No more. Maybe.
This could be a one-shot; it could be a regular. If it is, will this post stay the Chris List, or will it get a more clever name? I can’t say for sure. What I can say for sure is that the following website delighted our coworkers for hours/days on end. Unfortunately I was busy at clients, and didn’t get to partake in the shenanigans…
"This is what we like to call a 'choose your own adventure' family photo."
The URL says it all, and not all of the pics and comments are hilarious, but when you find a gem – it rocks. Unlike that pun. Awkwaaard…
2) This pic is worth 1002 words…
Chris doesn’t even have an iPhone, but he made me aware of this site. And even though it is iPhone centric, and I feel bad for bringing it up, it could be worth it if any of the games pan out to be good…
Just like digital candy...
Check it daily to see what new free games are available for download. Like you ever do anything I say.
BONUS AWKWARD:
"Ever wondered what the kid with the clarinet is really thinking?"
And I thought People of Walmart was Tralfamodorian zoo-worthy. That’s probably because I live in Detroit, where we only have a People Mover* and not a subway.
Introducing… People of Public Transit!
It’s a world where this exists:
Does anyone else smell derivative sitcom?
And this:
It's fun to pretend they're singing "Bohemian Rhapsody."
*A t-shirt that sums up the general consensus’ opinion of our beloved Detroit:
Alternate slogan: "Where the future chokes for survival."
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