TripleDoubleU

Happy Find… Micro Mike Rowe

Posted on by sgottahurt

Eye Spy

Sorry, but mentioning this Happy Find sort of feels like nepotism… like something that belongs on STFU, Parents… or like one of those situations where parents make their kids put on performances.

A reenactment:

Parent –  “Show them what you can do, honey?”
Child – “I don’t wanna.”
Parent – “But everyone’s waiting…”
Parent’s Friend that’s either drunk, brutally honest, or both (usually me) – “I’m not.”

Allow me to present to you my side project:

Micro Mike Rowe

If you don’t know Mike Rowe by appearance, you most likely know his voice.  Not only is he the voice of most Discovery Channel shows, he’s also the guy telling you to try a Ford.

Anywhoring, I’m having fun making the photos, and I wanted to share them with you.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Sleeping Options

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is a situation where the object under the microscope isn’t necessarily a great thing that has deteriorated from awesomeness.  It’s a series of sleeping options that start off as, well, The Shit, and quickly nosedive into Just Shitty.

On the complimentary side of the synonym for doo-doo comes this (via Treehugger):

And you thought blankets with sleeves were innovative...

According to inventor, Buckminster Fuller, the sleepsuit is a

transportable and adjustable cocoon that allows for constant air flow in a variety of different positions and environments.

Stages of Metamorphositsdown

Works for me.  Something that doesn’t work for me?  This offering from Japan:

Slippers are optional, I guess.

Here are some thoughts about the above product:

  1. If I’m using a sleeping bag, I’m usually camping.
  2. If I’m camping, and I’m in my sleeping bag, the only time I get up is to use the bathroom.
  3. …
  4. Open feet and separated legs aren’t much help in that department.
  5. And if you add arms to the sleeping bag, you’re in a snowsuit.
  6. (The only advantage to having separated legs – fleeing a bear.)
  7. (The only other advantage – kicking a tent invader.)

The last thing at the pejorative end of caca and its ilk (via Nerd Approved):

What happens when you drool?

Is this dumb or what?  How can one night stands disappear guilt-free after peeling their cheek away from one of these pillows?  It begs for scribbled excuses, and that prolongs the awkwardness of the morning.  What if he or she wakes up?  What if you mistakenly promise you’ll call?

I guess you could just write, “Stepped out for cigarettes.”

Or better yet – “Here’s a story for Post(It)Secret.”

Drunken Recollection… A Toilet Paper Roll’s Worth Of Ideas

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ever hear about fortress games?  Me neither.  But my friend Jay has recently become obsessed with them.  Our other friend has mocked him for purchasing so many different versions of the same game, but it should be noted that he owns dozens of first person shooters.  Touché.  (Or more appropriately, too lame.)

Any360, apparently I was familiar with fortress games, and in fact owned one myself:

Plants Vs. Zombies - A Battle for My Heart

It’s a fun game.  And a time drainer.  The concept is simple – build up your fortress to defend against invaders.  In the case of Plants Vs. Zombies, you plant vegetation to battle the living dead approaching your home.

Well prior to realizing what a fortress game was, I had Jay explain them to me.  He told me it was a single-player game, and I told him it’d be better as a multi-player.  Then voilá!  That should be a game!

A game where you get to be both the plants AND the zombies!  Each player would setup their zombie line of attack prior to beginning, and then as the war waged on, you’d arrange your plants!  For example.  Obviously it could be anything in the _____ vs. _____ situation.

Next item!  A new website!

Is any of that answer in English?

Yes, the site would be based on the above question:

uglychicksthatthinktheyrehot.com

I mentioned this idea at a Detroit Tiger’s game (hence the reason for the other mindedness), and a woman seated next to me that was attractive also liked the idea.

Next item! Exploding bats!

How awesome would it be if baseball bats exploded after every hit?

Answer: Very.

Happy Finds… Playing Catsup Because I Mustard

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve had a busy week, but keep in mind it’s all for all of you!  Here are a few of my Happy Finds…

1) If I could be a pinky’s worth of whatever makes up The Most Interesting Man in the World, I would be a happier man.  I’m already a happy man because I’m not this guy:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

2) I once posted about a Happy Find upon discovering Garfield Minus Garfield.  I also painstakingly edited Garfield into other comics before I discovered the Adobe Suite (MS Paint all the way).  Now I present to you – Garfield Minus Garfield: The Movie…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

The next two are self-explanatory.  Well, I guess the above two were self-explanatory as well.

3) Michael Bublé Being Stalked By A Velociraptor

This one has style, and bite!

4) Yahoo! Answer Fail Blog

Then what are fine arts?

5) This is for all the ladies that get wet waiting for John Cusack.  In the rain!  They get wet in the rain!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Bigger… And… Faster… Ah, Forget It

Posted on by sgottahurt

"Draw Your Own Conclusions" Edition

Jimmy Johnson is an NFL coach that demands hard work and speed on the field.  When off the field, he promotes Extenze (I refuse to make the Z a capital letter).

Jimmy John’s is a sandwich shop that demands hard work and speed in the field.  When in the stores, they promote hard work and speed in creating tasty sandwiches.

Here are the Urban Dictionary definitions of jimmy and johnson.

I believe there is a comedy bit in here somewhere, but I don’t feel like shuffling through the gutters of my twelve-year-old mind.

So here’s an excellent bit from the Onion.  It will be doing the heavy lifting.

Oh wait – I’ve got it!

Top Ten Things Overheard By Jimmy Johnson At A Jimmy John’s After Taking ExtenZe (Dammit Z, You Got Me!)

10) Go long!  Old habit…

9) So you’re fast?

8) Extra meat please!

7) No Slim for me!

6) I just took an ExtenZe pill!

5) No, I don’t own this place!

4) That was quick!

3) How much?

2) That much!?

1) This pill ain’t doing dick for me!

Musical Musings… “Liberal Borrowing” (BONUS: Sound-Alike Mystery Solved!)

Posted on by sgottahurt

"A Meeting of the Minds," er, I mean "A Meeting of Weaves and Nests"

Criminy.  In the course of working on this post (which I thought was going to be a nice break from all the work on the Final Foursome brackets – NOT!), I started to feel like Nick Cage in 8mm.  The further I started digging, the dirtier I felt… which happens when you actually dig.

And maybe I’m exaggerating my Nick Cage analogy.  Perhaps it was more of a National Treasure debacle, where one clue lead me to another, until my head started spinning.

Regardless, I stuck to it (courtesy of my stick-to-it-iveness, which bears no association with nocturnal emissions).  These are my findings…

ORIGIN(S)

The idea for this post was a sort of fruitful one; variations of it jumped at me from every direction.

The concept: LIBERAL BORROWING, a.k.a. STEALING, in the music business.

Ray Parker Lewis and the Electric Light News, Jr.

Chicago Green River Day

Then that lead me to…

  • …memories of the Jump controversy.  It wasn’t a scandal really, but 1984 me distinctly remembers The Pointer Sisters having to add (For My Love) to their version’s title, as not to confuse it with Van Halen’s anthem.

And then came this thought…

  • Nickelback and Mariah Carey have two (almost three) songs with the same title: Hero and Someday. Her If It’s Over is answered abruptly by their It’s Over.

Then my mind wandered to this revelation…

THE ACTUAL MISSION

Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s new song, Telephone, has been driving me freaking crazy, and not for the expected reasons.

At the 3:33 mark in the NSFW extended video (or the 0:47 mark in the regular video according to other TripleDoubleU inquiries), her line:

Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna talk anymore…

Sounds just like another song, the likes of which I could not think of.  I scoured the web and scrambled my brain.  I started getting Britney Spears’ 3 stuck in my head, and couldn’t get past it.

Once I found out Gaga actually wrote Telephone for Spears, the mental block worsened.  I had a feeling it was one of those backup singer hooks from all the early Aughties’ R&B hits.

I searched song lists of Mya, Ashanti, Aliyah… then it occurred to me: Ciara’s Goodies (at the 1:24 mark).

Looking for the goodies, keep on lookin’ cuz they stay in the jar…

Excitedly, I returned to the website where someone else shared my pain.

What song does Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” sound like?

I hit the “Comments” button to answer…

…and somebody else already had.

(BONUS WEIRDNESS!  Both Ciara and Lady Gaga have been rumored to be hermaphrodites!)

Happy Find… ChatRoulette – The Musical, Plus Bonus Alternative

Posted on by sgottahurt

These are already making the rounds (some might say they’re already done), but I enjoy them enough to post them again here.

If you’re unfamiliar with ChatRoulette by this point, welcome to my site.  I will be your Internet God (or as I’m prone to start saying, TripleDoubleU Pong).

Here are two clever fellows (one is unknown and now-known, and the other is well-known or sorta-known, at least).  First up is Merton, a Ben Folds fan that claims not to be ripping off Ben Folds:

And second up is Ben Folds paying homage to Merton (it’s all so meta… which is not to be confused with metal):

The chance of running into creative types like Merton and Ben Folds is slimmer than most of the masturbators you’ll come stumble across.  So as an alternative to perverts, how about an old-fashioned game of Russian roulette turned kiddie-proof:

"Guaranteed to make you wet!" - rejected slogan

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Internet Meme Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

How did stuff like this get around without the TripleDoubleU?

For this round, how about covering recent TripleDoubleU memes?  Shall we?

1) This cat’s name is Bento.  What’s the name of the original Keyboard Cat?

    a) Pepto
    b) Furby
    c) Pepsi
    d) Fatso

2) The original lyrics for this song are:

    a) Fatsososo
    b) Trololo
    c) Tralala
    d) Doodoodoo

3) Why do I love this mashup so much?

    a) Jabba the Hutt (non-CGI) is inherently funny
    b) Parks and Recreation’s theme song is catchy
    c) All the above
    d) Eh, I’ve seen better

4) Who owns this song?

    a) Ram Jam
    b) Epic Beard Man
    c) Tyrone
    d) Amber Lamp

5) What process has been applied to this photo?

    a) PolizziShop
    b) SnookiShop
    c) PhotoShop
    d) RafikiShop (please click)

Answers after the jump

Happy Find… Please Rob Me

Posted on by sgottahurt

Well not me, specifically...

I don’t say this often – mostly because the majority of things are not – but here I go… BRILLIANT!

I’ve often thought when perusing my Twitter feeds, “Why did he or she say that?”

Usually the that pertains to a variety of other inappropriate TMI-type things.  Sometimes though, people report where they are at, and by stating that, they are informing us Twitter users where they are not, and that long run-on sentence leads me to this:

Please Rob Me

It’s a website that collects Tweets of people announcing their whereabouts, and it leaves the rest up to you go-getters.

It only leads me to question whether there’s a site that collects what people on Twitter eat.  Wait, yeah… there is.

Happy Find… The Beardly

Posted on by sgottahurt

Also equals... "Awesome"

The last Happy Find kick I was on involved the websites with fuck in their URL.  Between Selleck Waterfall Sandwich and now The Beardly, I hope not to continue a facial hair trend.

But, you never know, considering the current state of my face:

My suggested slogans are below...