How in the heckster did this guy:
Become this guy:
He once used to say, "Finish it."
I guess it’s kind of like how this happened:
"It's spelled like 'tomato' except no 'to' and and it ends with an 'er' rather than 'o'..."
Drinking with friends is getting to be a problem common again, and ye of the TripleDoubleU get to reap the benefits.
This time around, another blog’s post was brought to my attention. Namely, this headline from IGN:
Here’s one example shared by both the MTV reality show and the classic RPG:
Shared Trait 4: Spiky Hair
But I’ll let you read the remainder of the list by clicking here. You don’t have to be a huge fan of both to get it, but you should be a fan of at least one.
Now that same night, another major item (because Jersey Shore and Final Fantasy are like huge deals) brought to my attention was that these existed:
It's a "Somniosus microcephalus," duh.
Or in other words – the Greenland shark.
Now I’d like to list some facts about the Greenland shark, and how they too are similar to the cast of Jersey Shore.
1) Alternate names
The extra "W" is for "WTF?"
2) Parasites
Microscopic crustaceans ain't just for the beach!
3) Scavengers
Yes. Her hat does read, "Porn Star In Training."
4) Toxic skin
Mr. Duck Phone feels safer with the poisonous shark.
5) Legends
They could be friends, doncha think?
He is The Situation.
Sedna was a girl whose father cut off her fingers while drowning her. Each finger was said to have become a sea creature, including the Greenland shark. (via Wikipedia)
Now that’s quite a situation.
BONUS THING NOT HELD IN COMMON:
I haven’t been this amazed since I’ve seen babies reading, but this MindFlex toy looks incredible.
Use your brain to move around a ball! How could any kid not want this! Well, that is unless it’s a scam…
So if that idea doesn’t fly (ha!), how about some of these Cubedudes! Who doesn’t love superheroes made out of Legos?
Something's fishy if Aquaman's included...
Oh. They’re a personal project. Thanks for getting my hopes up (Comics Alliance I’m looking at you)! You surely wouldn’t screw me twice, because if I can’t have those, I’ll gladly take one of these:
The Rocketeer got the Feds and the Mafia to work together to fight Nazis... He's a certified hero!
Okay, then just give me this… it’s available on most reputable retail sites…
I've never met a stripper named Carousel, though it seems like it could be possible.
Oh. It’s $250. That’s about $230 over our spending limit. Never mindflex.
A picture is worth one-thousand words (and sometimes 1002). I’ll let this picture speak for itself:
"A horse is a whore, or course, of course..."
Apparently, Struts (yup, that’s what these My Little Slutty Ponies are called) have been available for awhile now, but I’d only recently stumbled upon them.
Created by Playmates Toys (a company name that always sent my mind to land of Hugh Hefner), the Struts are meant to evoke another questionable toyline – the infamous Bratz dolls.
What’s next? Teddy bears in teddies? (For other teddy bear atrocities, click here.)
NOTE: I made this while at work. Thankfully, no one stopped by my desk.
Vibrating Harry Potter Broomsticks came out few years ago, so what’s next, Play-Doh dildos?!?
Somebody's head surely rolled at Hasbro for this one (or squeezed out purple junk)
Overheard by someone behind my desk: “Why has Sean passed out? And what’s with this teddy bear in lingerie?!”
Remember in high school at the strip club, when the nuns would talk about how God makes it rain you made it rain on that stripper, and you’d get “excited” for no a very good reason? Well this video is kinda nothing like that.
(via Found Footage Festival)
To begin… these aren’t special deals. These are suggestions I’ve hand-picked for you. I’ve categorized them into groups for those hard-to-buy-for loved ones. A lot of them happen to be USB products. Go figure. (Click each image for more information.)
FOR GRANDMA:
Grandma collects good luck trolls and loves cats, so why not get her one of these! (Possible setback: Grandma doesn’t have a computer… hey, there’s another gift idea on the house!)
Yoda blushes when his lightsaber glows! Wait, that sounds NSFW...
Transforms your jump drive into a cat!
FOR GOTH SISTER:
She hates almost everything… except cigarettes and ironic murder!
When Texting & Driving meets Smoking & Typing...
Even unicorns hate mimes...
FOR ANNOYING KID BROTHER:
Known for liking gross things and dumb things, you can’t go wrong with these!
Saves the mess of squeezing a real frog.
This ain't your daddy's Pet Rock! It has a USB cord!
FOR PERVERTED UNCLE:
I’d suggest having these delivered to his house.
She gyrates whether or not there's any porn surfing.
I'm not here to judge. Only to provide ideas.
FOR DOUCHEBAG BROTHER AND MASSEN-GIRL SISTER:
Oh brother… oh sister…
Leave your guitar at home and play Maroon 5 songs on this shirt!
Perfect for when girls go wild!
FOR DAD:
Dad thinks he’s funny. I mean, he maybe once was, but times change. Time to change his towel:
FOR MOM:
Mom would like to be funny as well. This might provide her the chance to freak everyone out. Maybe.
FOR GRANDPA:
He’s classy. He maybe fought in a war or two. He married your grandma and stuck around as the above brood grew. Get him this:
It's understated, and upside-down.
If have never heard of Tommy Wiseau or The Room, then you’re missing out:
Watching it is like having a fever dream, only the movie makes less sense than a parasite-driven meltdown.
The fact that this has been produce and is ready for sale brings great joy to the cold cockles of my heart, and for that, I’m thankful.
I wish his hair was real.
Also thankful?
The Gang can always make room for The Room
While kicking back brews and shooting the breeze with my pals, the glow of the TV showing whatever game we’re interested in holds our gaze. And that’s what it’s all about with us men, so they say. We’re “visual creatures” allegedly. Our eyes are too big for our stomachs, and our stomachs are the way to our hearts. Wait, I got off topic…
Oh, yeah. During said television events, especially of late, companies have been promoting the hell out of two video games: Left 4 Dead 2 and Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City.
And all I think upon watching these previews is how much more like movies video games are becoming. I have Unchartered 2: Among Thieves and it’s better than any action picture I’ve seen in a long time (The Dark Knight notwithstanding), and it makes me laugh…
Haven’t we as a public (well I know I have) been bitching about how much movies are starting to look like video games? I could give two shiitake mushrooms about James Cameron’s Avatar or Robert Zemekis’ A Christmas Carol*, and they’re really no different from the games. Except for the fact that I partake in one and watch the other… Hmm…
Perhaps men aren’t just “visual creatures” after all… We’re touchy, too.
*I do want to see 2012, and it’s as heavy a CG feast as Avatar.
Teddy bears have been around since the conception of President Theodore Roosevelt decided not to shoot a bear tied to tree in 1902, deeming it unsportsmanlike.
What one really has to do with the other, I don’t know, but keeping that in mind, it sort of paves the way for these future misappropriations of cute widdle fuzzy teddy bears by popular culture, whether it’s…
Even though it may be fuzzy wuzzy, it’s still an AWFUL BATTLE… GO!
This product was announced last week, and although it doesn’t make me feel as weak as Fetish Tots did, it still borders “What-the-Fuck-is-Mattel-Thinking?” Ville, therefore still rendering me InASense, Lost.
The “toy” goes bi by this official name: Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken. They might have well placed the word Super in there, too.
The dog's name is Sugar, and Ken is his "daddy"... none of this is helping...
Mattel claims that it’s a part of their adult toy line, which I 100% believe. And it’s not like the neutered doll was ever a hero of mine, like how G.I. Joe’s Shipwreck or Star Wars’ (duh) Luke Skywalker were (pictured below).
A Real American Hetero!
It's not a bath in the "traditional" sense...
But this fact remains: it gives me the Malibu Dream Heebie Jeebies. The last time I felt this weird and twisted inside because of a toy was when I learned that Dr. Claw (the unseen bad guy in Inspector Gadget) looked like this:
Come to think of it, he had MAD Cat as a pet, so he was MAD Car's "daddy". And his hair looks fabulous... Perhaps Ken could give him a ring sometime? Perhaps.
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