Toys

A Handful Of… Companies That Could Go Back To The Drawing Board

Posted on by sgottahurt

This might be two handfuls worth of companies that could use some help in their advertising departments, but nonetheless – they should rethink their business plans.

1) Toyota has had some issues with vehicles not stopping.  Vehicles not stopping has led to some… let’s just say, people going to heaven.  Heaven is in the clouds last time I checked:

2) Happy’s Pizza is a chain here in Detroit.  “Happy” looks a bit too happy in their ad.  So is that a hot pizza in his hands, or is it a… (should I beat around the bush, or should I be blunt?)

3) Universal Technical Institute is what it is.  UTI.edu is not.

4) This product no longer exists for a reason:

5) First Check Home Drug Test sounds like a serious product.  The radio commercial doesn’t.

6) Eloquence is not my strong suit, so check out Sociological Images’ take on this toy:

7) Does anyone know what Delsym is for without checking?

8) Does anyone even eat at Max and Erma’s?

9) Should a child’s snack be named Gushers?  Or am I wrong for asking that?

10) ‘Nuff said:

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome Revealed!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here it is!  Your ultimate Final Foursome!  (For previous rounds, start here.)

The live-action version:

Michelangelo! Eric Cartman! Ray Stantz! Peter Venkman!

The animated version:

The action figure version:

As with other sports brackets, here are the results… plus other stats!

  • HEAD HONCHO: Peter Venkman 21 – Stan Marsh 5
  • SECOND BANANA: Ray Stantz 14 – Raphael 9
  • ROUND OUT: Eric Cartman 13 – B.A. Baracus 11
  • WILD CARD: Michelangelo 12 – Toad 11

(More after the jump) Read More

JusWondering… Are These Titles Titillating Or Am I A Perve?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I think what follows JusWondering above is all the introduction this gallery needs…

I also JusWonder how many hits the tags below will garner…

Drunken Recollection… A Toilet Paper Roll’s Worth Of Ideas

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ever hear about fortress games?  Me neither.  But my friend Jay has recently become obsessed with them.  Our other friend has mocked him for purchasing so many different versions of the same game, but it should be noted that he owns dozens of first person shooters.  Touché.  (Or more appropriately, too lame.)

Any360, apparently I was familiar with fortress games, and in fact owned one myself:

Plants Vs. Zombies - A Battle for My Heart

It’s a fun game.  And a time drainer.  The concept is simple – build up your fortress to defend against invaders.  In the case of Plants Vs. Zombies, you plant vegetation to battle the living dead approaching your home.

Well prior to realizing what a fortress game was, I had Jay explain them to me.  He told me it was a single-player game, and I told him it’d be better as a multi-player.  Then voilá!  That should be a game!

A game where you get to be both the plants AND the zombies!  Each player would setup their zombie line of attack prior to beginning, and then as the war waged on, you’d arrange your plants!  For example.  Obviously it could be anything in the _____ vs. _____ situation.

Next item!  A new website!

Is any of that answer in English?

Yes, the site would be based on the above question:

uglychicksthatthinktheyrehot.com

I mentioned this idea at a Detroit Tiger’s game (hence the reason for the other mindedness), and a woman seated next to me that was attractive also liked the idea.

Next item! Exploding bats!

How awesome would it be if baseball bats exploded after every hit?

Answer: Very.

A Handful Of… Cool Things I Liked As A Kid That I Still Think I Like

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in standing by this list, but I’m afraid I share it with prepubescent dweebs.  Carry on!

Item #1 – The Hand Boiler

Borderline Magic

Remember these?  You held them in your hand, and the liquid would boil up to the top.  Then you would take it out of your hand and then the liquid would return to the bottom… only to be boiled by your hand again.  I guess these aren’t much different from those plastic collapsible animals, but they seem cooler (maybe cooler should be italicized as well).

Item #2 – Wire Ring Puzzles

Borderline Impossible

I adored these.

For some reason.

Item #3 – Astronaut Ice Cream

Borderline Tasty

In pre-Challenger America, NASA was The Shit.  Every kid in this country dreamed of becoming astrophysicists, and we swallowed the pill that this was the way spacemen (and women) enjoyed our favorite childhood treat.  It didn’t take us becoming rocket scientists to realize this wasn’t worth all the work.

Item #4 – Squirmles

Borderline Boring

“These ain’t ya daddy’s Squirmles! Wait. Yes, they are…” – Abandoned Slogan

I had a few of these as a kid and I used them to torture my sisters.  Not in any “frightening” way or method, either.  They always wanted to play with them; I wouldn’t let them.

Item #5 – Chemistry Set

Borderline Dangerous

My godfather bought me my first (and only) chemistry set when I was about ten.  I made a lot of powders change colors, and it was awesome!  This particular set costs $250. It must be super awesome…

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Final Round, Finally!

Posted on by sgottahurt

NOTE TO SELF: Do not undertake anything like this ever again.  There’s a reason I don’t partake in any sports pools at work – they’re tedious.  Creating and maintaining something similar is no less time-consuming.

That having been said, it’s been interesting and it’s been fun.  There have been definite upsets; there have been close calls.  Some rankings I got right (the Round Outs battle is between the first and second seeds); some I blew completely (or the Wild Cards lived up to their unexpected expectations).  I might have had different (and more varied) outcomes in my mind, but I can’t wait to create the ultimate Final Foursome’s group shot when this is over.

Remember to vote as much as you’d like… and tell your friends!

(Click to check out Round 1, Round 2, and Round 3…)

THE HEAD HONCHO (Round 3 Results)

  • Peter Venkman (#4) defeats John Lennon (#1), 8 (TOTAL VOTES: 72) – 6 (TOTAL VOTES: 56)
  • Stan Marsh (#7) defeats Davy Jones (#14), 10 (TOTAL VOTES: 47) – 3 (TOTAL VOTES: 40)

Who Should Be The Head Honcho?

(The rest are after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – All Editions (Round 3)

Posted on by sgottahurt

We’re getting closer to creating the ultimate Final Foursome.  Without further babbling, here are the results from Round 2 and the brackets for Round 3!

THE HEAD HONCHOS

Results:

  • John Lennon (#1) 16 – Carrie Bradshaw (#9) 2
  • Peter Venkman (#4) 17 – Mario Mario (#12) 2
  • Davy Jones (#14) 13 – Alec Baldwin (#6) 8
  • Stan Marsh (#7) 10 – Vincent Chase (#15) 7

John Lennon vs. Peter Venkman

(The rest are after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Wild Card Edition (Round 2)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Second Bananas bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Round Outs bracket, click here.)

THE WILD CARDS (Round 1 Results)

– Considering the licks the rest of the Seinfeld gang took (save George), it was of little surprise that Cosmo Kramer (#1) was defeated by Miranda Hobbes (#16), 48-23.  (This was the largest vote turnout of all.)  For those keeping tabs, Seinfeld has one representative; Sex and the City has two.

– Kenny McCormick (#2) outlives the Cowardly Lion (#15), with a score of 19-5.  South Park sweeps; The Wizard of Oz sneaks in one.

– Ringo Starr (#3) knocks out Po (#14), 35-7.  That makes The Beatles 4; Teletubbies 0.

– The next one would have been a tough choice for me, but it wasn’t as close as I thought.  Winston Zeddemore (#13) blasts H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock (#4) with a 17-10 win.  The Ghostbusters join The Beatles and the South Park kids, with the entire foursome making it into Round 2; The A-Team has two.

– Another Sunny character, and the inspiration for this category (actually, this entire Awesome Battle was inspired by the Sunny crew), Charlie Day (#5) walks away with a victory against Mike Nesmith (#12), 26-12.  Make that two for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and only one for The Monkees.

– The Human Torch (#6) barely blasts past Ellen DeGeneres (#11), 11-9.  There’s only one rep each from The Fantastic Four and the American Idol judges.

– Danny Baldwin (#7) and his run-ins with the law didn’t stand a chance against the 8-bit shorty, Toad (#10).  It’s a blow out at 26-2.  One Baldwin Brother and three characters from Super Mario Bros. 2 advance to Round 2.

– This one was Turtle vs. “Turtle,” and Turtle won out.  Michelangelo (#8) defeats Salvatore Assante (#9), 19-8.

Now let’s begin Round 2!

Michelangelo Vs. Miranda Hobbes

(more after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Round Outs Edition (Round 2)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Second Bananas bracket, click here.  For Round 2 of the Wild Cards bracket, click here.)

The Round Outs bracket had a few surprises, and a couple of blow-outs.  Plus, it allowed some foursomes to be represented for the first time, and it marked the third winner in a row for some groups.

THE ROUND OUTS (Round 1 Results)

– Eric Cartman (#1) continues South Park’s success at making it to Round 2.  He defeated Laa-Laa easily (at the time of this posting), 29-1.

– B.A. Baracus (#2) wiped out Stephen Baldwin (#15), 16-3, making him the second A-Team member in Round 2.

– Much like the kids from South Park, the kids from Liverpool are cleaning up.  George Harrison (#3) used Peter Tork (#14) like a mop, 19-1.

– Donatello (#4) became the second Ninja Turtle in Round 2, knocking out the Tin Man (#13), 11-5.

– Princess Toadstool (#5) was the only character I used to defeat Super Mario Bros. 2 (because she floated).  Alas, she sunk Johnny “Drama” Chase (#12), one of the Chase Bros. if you will, 12-4.

– The American Idol judges finally have someone on the board!  Kara DioGuardi (#11) upsets Elaine Benes (#6), 22-9.

– The same thing goes for my favorite show on television right now!  Deandra “Sweet Dee” Reynolds (#10) makes It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia ring true.  She defeats Sex and the City’s Charlotte York (#7) barely at 10-8.

– Another bracket champ so far!  Egon Spengler (#8) makes it three Ghostbusters still hanging in there.  He defeats The Thing (#9), 15-5.  Things aren’t looking too fantastic for the Marvel heroes.

Now let’s move onto Round 2!

Eric Cartman vs. Egon Spengler

(more after the jump) Read More

Awesome Battle… Final Foursome – Second Bananas Edition (Round 2)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(For Round 2 of the Head Honchos bracket, click here.  For the Round Outs bracket, click here.   For Round 2 of the Wild Cards bracket, click here.)

THE SECOND BANANAS (Round 2 Results)

This bracket provided only one upset.  Much like in the Head Honcho bracket, my love of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia did not transcend to your votes.  Or perhaps I underestimated the Scarecrow’s fan base.  Either way, The Wizard of Oz had enough heart to give, and the Scarecrow (#13) beat Mac (#4) overwhelmingly (at the time of this posting), 41-9.

Here are the other voting results (two were very close, one was a blow out):

  • Paul McCartney (#1) vs. Dipsy (#16) – 15-5
  • Raphael (#2) vs. Billy Baldwin (#15) – 19-4
  • Templeton “Faceman” Peck (#3) vs. Micky Dolenz (#14) – 13-7
  • Samantha Jones (#5) vs. Luigi Mario (#12) – 13-12
  • Kyle Broflovski (#6) vs. Eric Murphy (#11) – 20-7
  • George Costanza (#7) vs. The Invisible Woman (#10) – 13-12
  • Ray Stantz (#8) vs. Randy Jackson (#9) – 31-4

Round 2 of the Second Bananas might contain some of the toughest match-ups.  Let’s go!

Paul McCartney vs. Ray Stantz

(more after the jump) Read More