Sports

Drunken Recollection… Alcohol + Confusion = Alconfusion

Posted on by sgottahurt

It seems like a lot of Drunken Recollections are about mix-ups, so why not create a term for it:

ALCONFUSION

This post is about a pair of moments of alconfusion… one on my behalf, one on behalf of another.

  • My Alconfusion

While in Kentucky for the derby, I was at the bar and somebody was talking about Rachel Nichols and her possible hook-ups with most of the NFL or NBA or whatever… that’s neither here nor there.  They were talking about the sportscaster from ESPN:

Rachel Nichols, daughter of director Mike Nichols and her mother

I thought they were talking about this Rachel Nichols:

Except she's not normally green...

Hopefully this will help:

Yo Joe, indeed.

So my alconfusion was me thinking they were speaking ill of actress Rachel Nichols when they weren’t.  They were just speaking ill of the sportscaster I don’t find attractive know.

  • Another’s Alconfusion

I was going to write about Lupe Fiasco’s The Show Goes On a while back because it liberally borrows from Modest Mouse’s Float On, but the song’s creators acknowledged that at the time of release, so I didn’t.  But I get to write about it today.

While this tune played at the bar, a friend asked who performed this Float On rip-off.  I answered correctly, but what she thought I said cracked me up.

I replied:

Lupe Fiasco

She heard:

Beefy Asshole

Happy Find… Damn You, Auto Correct, I’ve Found Something Better!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I was planning on writing about Damn You, Auto Correct! but everyone has probably already seen the site.  If you haven’t, you can click on the link.

Instead, my true Happy Find is a Norm Macdonald find – his nephew*, Kyle.

A sample of his interviewing skills, as viewed on Sports Show:

But even better than that, though, is his Good Neighbor Stuff:

I don’t know what it is above using first initials of last names that makes me laugh so hard… It’s probably that I wish we still did that as adults.

*?

A Handful Of… Seriously Bad Ideas

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve lived my life in a bubble, and I’ve enjoyed it for the most part.  The fun part about being in a bubble is you can still see outside, except your outlook is swirled and soapy.  Sometimes that bubble pops though, and I use the remaining suds to wash my eyes out.  These are some vision scrubbers.

We’ll start out small, with a product I never knew existed (as it should have remained).

  • ITEM ONE: A product called NYDJ for short… and Not Your Daughter’s Jeans for long…

It reminds me of this classic, butt in real-life (moved it to after the jump because of auto-starting).

I’ve heard of the game, and I know people who have played it, but I always thought it was something impromptu… like LARPing.  But then I saw one of these in a park near work:

Oh. It's real. Real serious.

In effect, this:

  • ITEM FOUR: “Maggie the Maggot” from Galaxy of Terror

This is definitely the worst of the bunch, and since it’s not safe for work life, I’ll let you follow-up on it here.

(SIDENOTE: To cleanse the mental palate, watch this dog being a dog with a bad idea.)

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Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? George Lucas, The Prophet?

Posted on by sgottahurt

It would be hard to deny that George Lucas has a vast imagination.

Sure, you could argue that his ideas funnel through other creative people, and courtesy of their hard work, everything we know about Star Wars exists.

But is possible that George Lucas is a visionary?  That he’s a prophet, capable of seeing what’s to come?

In 1981, when Lucas was still married to Marcia Lou Griffin, they adopted their daughter, Amanda:

Amanda Lucas, MMA Fighter

Then in 1985, he produced the TV movie, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor:

VHS, oh how I miss ye...

Nowadays, Amanda fights in mixed-martial arts, and in the midst of fighting she looks like the fast-running character from The Battle for Endor named Teek:

Turn that frown upside-down and voila!

In Defense Of… The Victorious Secrets

Posted on by sgottahurt

Most of you may not know who The Victorious Secrets are by name, but last year, they won FSN Detroit’s annoying April in the D contest.

To those of you not from “The D,” April is that time of year when three of our Detroit sports teams – Tigers, Red Wings, and Pistons – are supposed to be playing simultaneously… I say that begrudgingly because it requires two of the teams to make it to the playoffs, and only one has… for twenty years!  (The Pistons might pull out of their slump next year with the new owner…)

Anyhoopdreams, back to the contest.  Last year, The Victorious Secret won with this song:

Then they went on to win FreeCreditScore.com’s similar contest with this ditty:

And now you see them in these national commercials:

I WANT THEM TO COME BACK AND MAKE ANOTHER APRIL IN THE D SONG!

This is the crap that won this year:

They actually use the phrase raise the roof non-ironically…

It’s a sort of situation when you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.  And yes, I’m saying that non-ironically…

InASense, Lost… Ben Wa, Done That (Not Really…)

Posted on by sgottahurt

A little joke recently went by me on FX’s Archer that as a scourer of the TripleDoubleU, I should have known.

It's as if they're standing over me, staring in disbelief...

It involved a character that Archer was dealing with named Benoit.  Anytime someone mentioned his associate’s name, Archer would exclaim this:

Benoit balls!

I had no idea why he kept doing this, so I brought it up to some friends, and I learned what Ben Wa balls really were.  I’ll let you click the link.

The problem that remains is we have a new Detroit Tiger named Joaquin Benoit, and every time the announcers mention his name, I can’t help but to think…

Ben Wa balls? How about Benoit strikes!

JusWondering… Is This Another Controversial Call?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The Detroit Lions certainly have a catch in wide receiver Calvin Johnson.  Early last season, there was a bit of a controversy regarding one of his catches, and whether it was a completion or not:

But I recently saw this commercial, and it surprised me:

Did it surprise me because they didn’t mention Johnson played for the Lions?  No.

Did it surprise me because the Lions are owned by the Ford family and Acura is owned by Honda?  Sorta.

Did it surprise me that Calvin Johnson would drive an Acura?  Yes.

Of all the cars out there, it stunned me that an NFL player would choose to endorse Acura.  That’s the latest controversial call.

Now an Olympic skier, on the other hand, I can see… (and Ashleigh McIvor’s a Canadian to boot):

Drunken Recollection… Strange Animal Sports

Posted on by sgottahurt

Apparently, this happens:

At the bar, someone brought up the fact they used to play this in high school.  (I still doubt they played it.  Seems kind of potentially dangerous.)  But nonetheless, I didn’t believe, and in not believing, I made an ass of myself.

The last time I didn’t believe, it was about this being possible:

I had to eat crow after that.

Thanks, I’m here all night!

Musical Musings… Red Hot Chilly Michigan

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m ashamed to admit that I have a copy of Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Stadium Arcadium and… I’ve never listened to it.  So imagine my surprise when I discovered that they had a song called Especially in Michigan:

Apparently, lead singer Anthony Kiedis is from Grand Rapids, hence the tune’s existence.  Albeit the ditty could have existed without him coming from here.  (Filmmaker Paul Schrader is also from Grand Rapids, and he set half of Hardcore there.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Well, I guess it is here… moving on…)

What I’m equally surprised by is that nothing locally ever uses it for promotion.  I suppose it doesn’t contain the most uplifting lyrics in the world, with gems like this:

Lions and Tigers come running just to steal your luck…

I guess the moral of the story is I’d rather listen to anything other than more Rebecca Black…

InASense, Lost… Please Spare The Lions More Bad Luck

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve only recently begun to be a Detroit Lions fan.  It wasn’t that I’m of the fair-weathered ilk.  It was just that I didn’t follow football until I started getting season tickets five or so years ago.  Now I’m officially hooked… and on the team that holds the most worst records!

But that’s neither here nor there.  What this is about is preventing the Madden Curse from effecting our breakout star – Ndamukong Suh.  If you’re not familiar with the curse (or curses in general), here’s the gist of it:

Players that appear on the cover of any Madden game have bad luck.

Where you play a part, faithful readers, is in the online vote.  A bracket hosted by ESPN can be accessed by clicking here.  Vote for Green Bay’s Super Bowl-winning quarterback, Aaron Rodgers… not our defensive Wunderkind, Suh.  Don’t make him come to your house…

Pick Aaron Rogers! Or your nose...