Happy (Blasphamous?) Easter!
Without further ado… Jesus’ take on Rebecca Black’s Friday:
Music
In Defense Of… The Victorious Secrets
Most of you may not know who The Victorious Secrets are by name, but last year, they won FSN Detroit’s annoying April in the D contest.
To those of you not from “The D,” April is that time of year when three of our Detroit sports teams – Tigers, Red Wings, and Pistons – are supposed to be playing simultaneously… I say that begrudgingly because it requires two of the teams to make it to the playoffs, and only one has… for twenty years! (The Pistons might pull out of their slump next year with the new owner…)
Anyhoopdreams, back to the contest. Last year, The Victorious Secret won with this song:
Then they went on to win FreeCreditScore.com’s similar contest with this ditty:
And now you see them in these national commercials:
I WANT THEM TO COME BACK AND MAKE ANOTHER APRIL IN THE D SONG!
This is the crap that won this year:
They actually use the phrase raise the roof non-ironically…
It’s a sort of situation when you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. And yes, I’m saying that non-ironically…
Musical Musings… This Song Is So 1982
Imagine the year is 1982…
You’re Neil Diamond, and you just walked out of the movie theater with (then) married friends, Carol Bayer Sager and Burt Bacharach.
Together you’ve witnessed what you consider is probably the greatest children’s movie of all time – Steven Spielberg’s E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.
United, you are so moved beyond words that it screams to come out in song.
After all, between the three of you, you’ve written Sweet Caroline, Nobody Does It Better, and Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head. And the result is this:
How fucking corny and fucking lovely is that song? Ironically, it was Diamond’s eighth (and last) top 5 hit on the chart (according to his Wikipedia entry).
Now do you want to hear the exact opposite of that?
In My Brain While Sleeping… An Invention Already Invented, Dammit
I suppose it’s quite possible that I saw this somewhere in my past, but I don’t recall for sure.
Nonetheless, I had a dream that I invented a product 95% similar to this and awakened so pleased I thought I had struck gold. Unfortunately, the portable turntable already exists, and it’s USB powered to boot!
Dream spun me round, right round, like a record...
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Mah Nà Mah Nà
This little video has been pretty popular lately, and it’s a dark twist on an old favorite. Wait ’til you see where it started.
- The latest incarnation – Tune for Two
- The old favorite – The Muppets
- The new favorite – The Office
- And here’s the trailer for the movie that song was from – Sweden: Heaven and Hell
In Defense Of… Justin Bieber
It’s about that time for a new category, and this is one I’ve had an idea about for quite some time.
The premise is simple and it’s this:
Take a hated subject and write a polemic against the againsts.
I won’t argue for it. I won’t praise it. I’ll just defend it, hence In Defense Of.
So who better to start with than the one and only teen heart-throb and bane of most h8rs existence, Justin Bieber:
For example, I want to say, "With a fivehead like that I understand the bangs!" but I won't.
In the spirit and honor of this new post, I’ll begin with this:
- Justin Bieber is nothing new… he’s merely the latest incarnation of a time-honored tradition.
- Like the world’s oldest profession, the heart-throb is a mainstay.
- “The Heart-Throb” is a product of the times, not a producer.
- Much like how this nation elected a philanderer when our morals were at their lowest, an imbecile when we were most scared, and someone completely different when we wanted something completely different, Bieber is an unassuming girly boy in an era when women are seeking out effeminate, metrosexual men, for the most part.
- Plus, young girls are kinda dumb and prone to clustered thinking… he was basically in the right place at the right time (on YouTube).
Much hullabaloo is also made about his hair. So… does anyone remember Joey Lawrence?
Whoa!
He started out as a tyke on Nell Carter’s Gimme a Break! but really gained fame using the above catchphrase on Blossom. Then he took a stab at a music career:
But his heart-throb status faded through the years, and the same will happen to Bieber. Heck, Bieber has already made his appearance on CSI: Las Vegas… Lawrence appeared on CSI: New York just four years ago!
So the way I look at it is this:
Ignore him.
Maybe even start to like him.
My sisters used to have their walls plastered with New Kids on the Block posters and their room filled with paraphernalia. By the time Step by Step came out, I stopped fighting with them about their obsession. I even admitted to start enjoying their music. The posters didn’t last much longer after that.
To close, I’ve made these diagrams:
Musical Musings… It’s All Open To Interpretation
I always like to imagine how different directors would make well-known movies different.
For example, imagine if Steven Spielberg directed Martin Scorcese’s Taxi Driver.
Or if Quentin Tarantino directed Michael Bay’s Transformers.
Or if Tim Burton directed Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins… wait, never mind.
Here’s comedian Matt Mulholland’s very sorta serious take on Rebecca Black’s Friday:
What a difference tonal, um, differences make…
There’s more Matt Mulholland after the jump. Read More
A Handful Of… Songs About Body Parts
Operation: Musical Musing
I thought about taking a bunch of songs that were named after body parts and make a picture composed of those parts, but I’m not sure if I will… yet. Let’s get through A Handful Of (alternative) songs about body parts, and maybe I’ll surprise you.
- Nine Inch Nail’s Head Like a Hole
- Smashing Pumpkin’s Eye
- Weezer’s Dope Nose
- Bush’s Mouth
- Death Cab for Cutie’s Crooked Teeth
- Sum 41’s Fat Lip
- Young the Giant’s My Body
- Alice in Chains’ Them Bones
- Nirvana’s Heart Shaped Box
- Fuel’s Hemorrhage (In My Hands)
Okay. I gave in and made a picture. Enjoy it after the jump… Read More
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Pop Culture Jumbalaya
Remember your ABC's... sitcoms...
There have been a few things that I’ve remembered or discovered or wondered that didn’t warrant their own posts. So here they all are in one place!
- What do Growing Pains, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, and Full House all have in common?
Well, they were all on ABC. That’s easy. But did you know remember care that Alan Thicke appeared at the beginning of Mark Curry’s new show to welcome him to the network as well as the old Growing Pains‘ set? Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper’s first show took place in the Seaver home – as is/was. That’s weird. But even weirder still was that the second episode featured Michelle Tanner (Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) and Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) from Full House. Weirdest of all – the show lasted five seasons.
- EMF and Andrew Dice Clay’s worlds collided.
I had no idea that the opening “Oh!” and titular line “That’s unbelievable!” in EMF’s Unbelievable were sampled from raunchy “comedian” Andrew Dice Clay. And that’s unbelievable.
- Things that still make me go hmmm…
I haven’t been able to find anything one way or another about these possible Coinkydinks or Coinkydonks, but it doesn’t mean that they’re true (or not):
Did Huey Lewis and the News name themselves such as an homage to 60’s rock group Gary Lewis and the Playboys?
Did 90’s Britpop group Elastica take that name as a spoof and celebration of hard rock band Metallica?
Does anyone else besides me care? You’re unbelievable.
The Sh– To Even More The Sh–… The Schnitzelbank Song
I am in utter absolute glory. I recently visited this German bar in Detroit:
Pictured: Dakota Inn of Detroit (Not Pictured: Surrounding Urban Blight)
It was in this very place that I thought I discovered the magnificent Schnitzelbank Song. Here is the accompanying chart (because how awesome can a drinking song be without an accompanying chart):
Yes, that Haufen Mist is a pile of cow dung...
In public, it sort of went something like this (I swear the Dakota’s Inn version was 100x better):
But in all my research, I came to realize why this song has endeared itself so strongly to me. And that reason why is this:
(SIDENOTE: It also explains why the name Otto von Schnitzelpusskrankengescheitmeyer has long been stuck in my subconscious…)
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