Thass wight... Kwedit.
Gawer ’round, gawer ’round, kiddie widdies… have I got somefing fo’ you. Not a stowy wike your vewy bad dwunk Uncle Sean might tell, but a vewy big suwpwise…
A CREDIT CARD!
…er, I mean…
KWEDIT!
And what’s Kwedit, you might be asking, hence the what at the start of the sentence and the question mark at the end? Well, howzabout I let Uncle Stephen tell you all about it. Uncle Stephen?
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Evolution Revolution
Some alternates:
"Makes your booty pop (and lock)!"
This one will not be as difficult as my last So, Duh! Pop Quiz (or as nerdy). Well, maybe it’s still (white and) nerdy.
1) I don’t know what they want from me, but from you, I want to know what mo money often brings you?
2) Complete this analogy… H : IZZO :: V : ?
3) Unscramble these performers names:
4) Who’s going back to Cali?
5) Which of the following ingredients LEAST help one feel laid back while thinking about money?
Imma let you finish this quiz… after the jump… Read More
Skippy = Trippy
I’m really beginning to think I have my thumb on the pulse of my weird dreams.
EATING PEANUT BUTTER
These dream elements are merely that, without narrative. But each of these happened the nights I went to sleep after eating peanut butter, either on a bagel or in Reese’s Pieces.
EXHIBIT A
The Strange Reincarnation Metaphor
On the list of possibilities of what happens after we die, reincarnation falls below nothing for me. It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around. But I have considered, if it does happen, maybe it’s not the path for everyone.
Much like how in this dream I had a variety of snacks growing out of the entirety of my right arm. My forearm was covered in smaller snacks, like Lifesaver mints and Good & Plenty’s (though not Reese’s Pieces). The closer to my neck, the larger the treats became, culminating in pretzel rods protruding like crystal spikes from my shoulder blades. I resembled a candy aisle version of Superman’s enemy, Doomsday:
There's a good chance those spikes are rock candy...
So what’s the reincarnation connection? All the foods could be snapped off and were completely (and grossly) edible, and most, but not all, of them would grow back. Like they were reincarnated, you see. It made sense in that dream sort of way – don’t think about it too much.
EXHIBIT B
Summer Never Ends at the Jersey Shore
Was it necessary for my subconscious to dream up this exchange?
Angelina to Snooki –
You are to Cheetos what I am to popcorn.
Whatever that means.
Are they making the same face, or am I cross-eyed?
And that’s the situation… when I eat peanut butter and fall asleep.
While boozing with my fellow booze hounds not to long ago, a few wonderings popped in my head. These are them (is that proper English or proper drunk-speak?):
1) As a child, I was a fan of the wrong film series.
"I've made a huge mistake."
For most of my life, it’s been Star Wars all the way for me, baby. And as an (alleged) adult, I’ve paid for it dearly, both figuratively and literally.
On the other hand, if I had idolized Agent 007, I might have lived a life of danger (both in and out of the bedroom), but definitely his love of gadgetry would one day complement mine.
2) I should have picked different friends.
"Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?"
Some of my friends I’ve known since I was four years old. And at times I’m left to wonder, what does a kid know? I already mentioned that I chose to make Luke Skywalker my hero and not James Bond when I was a young ‘un. The incident that triggered this thought:
May your dreams be wet, and your diapers stay dry. (Or something like that.)
3) Why does twelve seem like it’s a plural form of twelf, like how it is with pants and pant?
4) If going “number one” and “number two” means what they mean, what would going “number three” on up represent?
BONUS SOBER WONDERING, WHICH I GUESS SHOULD BE A JusWondering:
Why can’t I stop watching this video?
Here’s the shortened version for a maximized quick hit:
As I mentioned a couple posts ago, I haven’t been to the theater since Avatar(d). That’s mostly because of the recent slew of crappy movies (okay, Shutter Island may be an exception, but it’s reviews are certainly polarized).
We are quickly embarking on the spring releases, and one at the top of that list is the Jason Bourne, er, I mean, Matt Damon vehicle, Green Zone. And I have zero interest in it, but it’s not for the reason you may think.
As for Actor! Matt Damon – I don’t mind him.
So is my problem with screenwriter Brian Helgeland? Nope.
Then it’s director Paul Greengrass, right? Wrong.
Then what’s the deal? Is it the title? As a matter of fact – yes.
"Matt Damon!"
"Greenzo!"
Also equals... "Awesome"
The last Happy Find kick I was on involved the websites with fuck in their URL. Between Selleck Waterfall Sandwich and now The Beardly, I hope not to continue a facial hair trend.
But, you never know, considering the current state of my face:
My suggested slogans are below...
Sugar and Spices, not in that order
When bouncing between radio stations like I do, the mind wanders along with the melodies. Sometimes the music is anthemic; sometimes it’s depressing. At other times, it’s flat-out confusing.
For instance, Taylor Swift (and Boys Like Girls) have a new(er) song out called Two is Better Than One (click on highlighted song titles to watch the videos). In this song, they say that, duh, being two is better than one.
And here I thought couples were supposed to become a singular entity? At least that’s what the Spice Girls taught me with their song 2 Become 1 (shouldn’t it be “2 B3cm 1“?)
Singer/songwriter/crooked teeth-haver Jewel stated the same thing with her 2 B3cm 1, I mean, 2 Become 1.
U2 proclaimed that Two Hearts Beat as One, and they’re not alone in that sentiment. Long ago, Stacey Q agreed that Two of Hearts should beat as one, and Phil Collins even crooned that Two Hearts are best when they’re believing in just one, um, mind.
What about when there are more than two hearts? Ask Feist and Plain White T’s about 1234?
Village People 2K10
SIDENOTE: Weezer might agree with Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift because they sing I Want You Two… oh, it’s I Want You To. Well, then what about in their ditty Can’t Stop Partying?
In that tune, Lil Wayne (ugh) makes an appearance and auto-tune (ugh) raps:
Party like tomorrow is my funeral
Gotta stop mixing alcohol with pharmaceuticals
And the unusual is the fucking usual
Man, my life is beautiful and my girls are mutual
The key word there is mutual. What does he mean by saying that?
The definition of mutual is this:
So see? Weezer via Lil Wayne agree that two is better than one.
finis
This video leaves me equally speechless and wishing for a friend… one that would travel down the road and back again and kick this guy in the nuts for freaking me the fuck out!
BTW, where’s Sophia?
To think, I was going to post this video and leave it at that:
They appear to be well-hung, I mean, done.
SIDENOTE: Chalk this post up to one I wish I never started, but finished because I did.
We’re two months in and I’ve yet been to the theater this year. Well, I’ve seen Avatar (ick), but I don’t remember if I saw that in the last two weeks of the last decade or not. (I double-checked my credit card statement; I saw it December 27th.)
Anywang, I’m blaming my absence at the cinema on something other than the lack of exciting flicks that have been released so far. I’m pointing my finger (not literally) at phallophobia. Or in layman’s terms – the fear of dongs.
2009 was a banner year for weenies popping up in movies, so to speak. With the trend moving towards 3D films, I hope the two never shall meat, er, I mean, meet.
Here’s a list I’ve compiled from other lists (Amazon, Salon, Slate), and I take most of them at their word. Some of these are Peters I’ve met, and some are Dicks I hope to avoid.
In closing, I fear this may be the most comprehensive list of filmed penises on the web, and for that reason alone it was a truly Awful Battle.
If only there was a site that detailed all the female nudity out there…
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 