Film

My Bloody Valentine’s Day Weekend (A Friday The 13th Review)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve finally seen the new Friday the 13th movie, and though my hopes weren’t set that high (well, they were set at least hurdle length off the ground), it sort of disappointed.

The opening sequence showed promise.  It even included a dude singing this song while listening to his iPod.  It showed some of the mechanics of Jason Voorhees tactics, but from there, not much else surprised.  I wasn’t looking for them to reinvent the wheel… just tweak it a bit.

I love the original Dawn of the Dead, but the new one enhances its story.  The same goes for The Hills Have Eyes.  This one falls in with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake – they both could have been worse, but they could have been better.  (Haven’t seen either Halloween or My Bloody Valentine, so no comment.)

I thought Jason was too powerful and menacing without showing any origin for his alleged supernatural abilities.  In the earliest films (2-4), he was vulnerable and clumsy, and in effect made him scarier.  He could be defeated, but no one was doing it.  Starting with Part 6, he was brought back to life and became zombie-like, and that worked for most of the remaining films.  The best in the series is still Freddy Vs. Jason, because it follows all the rules of both series, with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

SPOILERS: What’s with the Tom Cruise lookalike’s unwarranted hostility in the film?  Also, when did Jason ever keep somebody locked up and alive (a problem slightly hinted at in Part 4)?  And how do you show a bug zapper twice and not use it to dispense anybody!  (At least I called the wood chipper…)

Hail, hail, the gangs all GAHHHHHH!

Hail, hail, the gangs all GAHHHHHH!

(via this dude’s site)

In My Brain While Waking Up… Sweet Jehovah! A Demon Dog Is In My Hallway!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m not sure exactly why I do this, but I think it had something to do with me staying up too late and not waking up for work to get money so I could stay out too late or something, but I keep my alarm clock in the bathroom.

Now the only reason I’m mentioning this is because this morning, on my stumbling walk from my bedroom to the bathroom to hit snooze (as per my snooze addiction – the only reason I set my alarm for a Saturday morning), my t-shirt scared the piss out of me.

As I bumped the doorway at an angle I usually don’t (I often bump walls and doorways because I don’t open my eyes much), I spotted the corner of my black tee from last night in the hallway and thought it was a Demon Dog from Ghostbusters.  Woke me up instantly.

37am between snoozes - yes.

At 9:37am between snoozes - yes.

Although it actually got my heart racing, I still hit the snooze bar on my alarm clock and laid back down, making sure to change the location and placement of the image-inducing cotton product.

What finally fully awakened me was my doorbell.  And the door knocking.  And the doorbell again.  Oh yeah, there it is – interior door knocking now.

It must have snowed last night, was my first thought, and the incessant attention seeking noise was my neighbor kid wanting to shovel the walk, because sure-as-shit, the area Jehovah’s just ain’t that persistent.  They politely knock, stick a pamphlet in the door handle, and move along, proselytizing.  And if it was anyone I knew, they would have called in tandem with the racket, and my cellular remained silent.  I checked out the window, and yup – two inches of snow on the ground.

Sure I could shovel it, I thought.  But it’s going to melt anyway.

Bonus Saturday morning cartoon:

Extra bonus weekday syndicated cartoon:

(via Worst Cartoons Ever)

JusWondering… Flooded Bathrooms, Head Sizes, Spasms, And Dirty Words?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Just some things I’ve been thinking about the last 24 hours:

  • At the bar last night, someone left a faucet running.  It filled the sink and started flooding the floor.  I turned it off and alerted the waitstaff.  The waitress’ response, “Not again.”  This made me wonder: Are we so used to automatic water faucets that we don’t remember how to use the old ones?
Now... you grab what and pump how again?

Now... you grab what and pump how again?

  • I get an occasional twitch in my left thigh where my cell phone usually hangs around.  Should I change the pocket I carry my cell phone in?
  • I used to be pretty good at math, and I’ve always loved board games.  People used to tell me I should have went into statistics, but I thought that would have been boring.  Maybe I should have invented some new kind of puzzle game.
  • Brit pop star Lily Allen has a new CD out.  Kevin Smith’s latest movie just came out on DVD.  While I was at Target, I looked at the back of Lily’s CD and saw that she had a song called “Fuck You,” clear as day on the back.  Yet, Zack and Miri couldn’t have Make a Porno on it.  So a “Fuck You” on your back is better than a “Porno” on your front?
    "What's a p****, mom?" "A p**** is a video of people fucking, honey."

    "What's a p****, mom?" "A p**** is a video of people fucking, honey."

  • This song I heard on the radio last night as I was driving home reminded me of discovering new music in my college years:
  • Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist would have been better if Nick and Norah’s heads were in proportion to each other.  I’m not sure if Michael Cera’s head is too small or Kat Dennings’ chest head is too big.  (I’m thinking the prior.)
    Made me not-so-afraid of NYC... I watch too many 70's movies.

    Made me not-so-afraid of NYC... I've seen too many 70's movies.

I Am Not An Addict, And I’m Not Denying It (I’m Curious, Is All)

Posted on by sgottahurt

So this is the second time today I’ve experienced the extreme need of getting to my computer.  It may be an early sign of addiction, but I’m not denying it, so there! 

 During the drive home, on the radio, David Bowie and Queen’s Under Pressure played away, and I actually listened to the entire thing and enjoyed it thoroughly.

What’s the big deal? you might think, or I can’t believe you actually did that! or What’s the B.F.D. you addict!?

Well, here’s Part One of why I needed to get home – I used to hate that song.  I despised it to the core.  I don’t know if it was Vanilla Ice’sliberal borrowing of the back beat for his horrendous tune or David Bowie’s lavish oddness and his affinity for the indulgent, but it was a station changer for sure.

Part Two of why I needed my num-num (laptop) – it made me extremely happy hearing it, and I needed to know why.  I don’t even know if it’s supposed to be a happy song, or what any of its lyrics are.  I decided that it must have reminded me of something I liked so much that all of my past transgressions against the song faded away.

Courtesy of the wonders of the TripleDoubleU, voila!  (I’m so embarrassed, btw…)

Happy Find… How To Dance: The Final Chapter

Posted on by sgottahurt

I think my brain melted over the weekend. 

During my marathon of a certain horror film series that gets its reboot this Valentine’s Day weekend, I stumbled across a particular scene in The Final Chapter (not really) of Friday the 13th that I had seen once before.  While working on an older post about Back to the Future’s Crispin Glover, I had played through some videos of his career and life missteps.  This is one glaring example of a misstep if I ever saw one:

InASense, Lost… The Third Film Of A Series, Then In 3-D!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m on a bit of a Friday the 13th bender, and I’m happy to say that the third film in the series was originally in 3-D.  Which in the olden days meant random objects were held up and pointed at you… Eeeeeek!  Scary!

( Man, how I already miss Don LaFontaine.)

In this film, aside from the opening credits, I was “shocked” to have the following things aimed/thrown/extended at me:

  • a laundry line
  • a TV antenna
  • a rat walking out on a plank
  • a fake looking snake leaping
  • a baseball bat held back by a child
  • a joint
  • a wrapped-up eyeball
  • a bundle of hay
  • a wallet
  • a chain through a windshield
  • a fist threw a car window
  • a yo-yo
  • a girl climbing a ladder
  • a pitchfork (its handle)
  • a pitchfork (its… forks)
  • a double dose of different pitchfork handles
  • a machete blade, walking by
  • juggling apples and oranges
  • a harpoon shot… (also the first time Jason wears his hockey mask)
  • popping popcorn
  • a hot fire poker
  • an eyeball popping out of a squeezed head (SRSLY)
  • a bookshelf full of books
  • a girl (our hero) dropping from rafters
  • then Jason dropping as well
  • finally, Jason’s chasin’ hands (<–good band name, btw)

With the reinvigorated hoopla about 3-D films, I can’t wait to see what will be thrust at me next!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Drugs, YouTube, Annoying Hosts, And Soup

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay… I wasn’t going to post this dream, but it hasn’t stopped me before.  You may wish that I’d stuck to my guns, but I misfired.

The bulk of the dream consisted of the introduction of a new drug called something like Avilify.  Basically, by taking this pill daily, your body maintained a homeostatic temperature that kept you comfortable whether you were in 110° F or -10° F (sorry, but I don’t know Celsius).  Another feature of the product was you only needed six hours of sleep per day.  You couldn’t sleep more and you couldn’t sleep less.

avilify-copy1

Ask your doctor all about it! Because we sure won't tell you what it does in the commercials!

While this is all fine and dandy as far as dreams go, the part I’m leary to bring up is… well, Ryan Seacrest and I became friends.

How that came to be was I was the head of marketing for Avility, and he was to be the spokesman.  We ended up making YouTube videos of him mocking celebrity advertisements, like the film Crazy People did.

Example: 

ryancampbell-copy

What my Grandma used to make me eat.

In effect, his popularity soared even more, and I made crap loads of money.  Avilify changed my life!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Friday The 13th Reboot (My Version)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hello.  Sean here.  (So am I.)

Oh yeah, that’s my brain.  Say hi.  (Hi.)

In the midst of my many snoozes, it occurred to me that the new Friday the 13th remake isn’t sticking to its source material.  (How’s that?) 

In the original film, Jason Voorhees was not the killer.  His mother was.  (Should you have put a spoiler alert?  Someone may not have wanted to know this.)  She avenged his alleged drowning while in the hands of irresponsible, sex-crazed teens.  Starting withthe second film, he avenged the death of his mother.  In the third film, he starts wearing the hockey goalie mask (it’s based on one from the 50’s Detroit Red Wings).

If this film is a sequel, it’s ignoring the last few films in the series, whereas if it’s a remake, it’s ignoring the first film.  If it’s a reboot, then how does Jason come to be?  Well my dreams may have found the answer.

He's such a cut up.

He's such a cut up.

  • The first dream between snoozes involved a golf cart on a log raft that tipped over and sunk into Crystal Lake.
  • The second dream involved a girl crossing the lake with a boy, and then boy jumped out and swam to shore.  More ridiculous versions of this continued until my conscious (and subconscious) met…
  • (NOTE: I was going to reference as many versions of the dream as there were sequels, but quite frankly, they were pretty repetitive… just like the films!)
  • In the final dream that woke me up, Jason Voorhees came to be like this:

On one side of Crystal Lake was a fat camp, and on the other side was a sports camp.  A chubbier girl would meet with one of the guys and they would get it on in the sports camp.  The guy was a real dick and he’d laugh to all his friends about how she keeps coming back for more.  Through the summer, she loses no weight, and in fact puts on more… because she’s pregnant.  When she reveals this to the boy, he breaks up with her.  All his friends sabotage her boat while they argue.  She asks him for a keepsake and he gives her one.  At the center of Crystal Lake, her boat becomes waterlogged.  As she sinks, welcoming her death, she clings to her keepsake – the boy’s goalie mask.  Jason is the supernatural son she never had (?) and he seeks revenge against anyone who visits his lake, while wearing his daddy’s face mask.  The end.  (Or is it the beginning?)

Tah dah!  (Tah dah!)

What a weird dream, btw.  (Any time!)

Better Happy Find… Christian Bale Rant (Remix)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Christian Bale lost it on the set of Terminator Salvation.  You would think it would be directed at director McG, but… it wasn’t.  The Director of Photography, Shane Hurlbut, was fiddling with lights during an emotional scene (in T4… SRSLY?) and the Batman removed his cowl and bit down hard.

Thank you to the dearest Madame Librarian for bringing this light into my life:

Original rant with “explanation” here.

Musical Musings… The Ladies of “Lady Marmalade”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Almost seven years ago, this song reintroduced Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)? back into pop culture.  Sure, it’s probably gone again, ‘cuz y’know, all these kids, with their short attention spans and stuff…

How have the fair Ladies of Marmalade, um, fared since?  I’ve devised this nice pictograph to illustrate.  Hopefully you’ve brushed up on your French!

voulezvous

Translations after the jump. Read More