I finally caught this movie on Netflix and my mind is blown. How could I have never seen any of it ever before! Released in 1984, only a couple of months after Ghostbusters, this future cult favorite was a flop. Apparently, the final film was a conglomeration of many false starts. Writer Earl Mac Rauchhad begun scripting so many adventures for BuckerooBanzai, but he never finished any until he merged them into this one. That’s why it feels like such a rich universe. Or should I say, rich dimension…
There needs to be some type of backlash coming against all the pop acts in this world. But then again, everything is so corporate, I’d have to dig deep to find the backlash.
SIDENOTE: I should mention that I’m lazy. So I looked up some of my favorites on the ol’ YouTube. Enjoy. Or don’t. Fuck you.
All I have to say is in the post’s title. Taylor Kitsch has three strikes against him now… and I’m afraid his Hollywood future might be D.O.A.
It’s bad when Wolverine is the best of the three.
But on the other hand, he is Canadian, and they have that certain William Shatner resilience. So perhaps he can forget John Carter in his shadow, and leave Battleship behind him:
There was a time when it took some serious chops for a movie to get made. Studios held all the cards, so they chose on what to gamble. Here are some cringe-worthy gambles from the 80’s that I’d be shocked to see get remade these days:
These came out of Hollywood when P.C. just meant Pacific Coast…
For those of you unaware of the premise: a rich white guy rents an adult black man to be his son’s friend for a week. I loved it as a kid, but in hind sight, how did it ever get made? Who ever tricked Richard Pryor, Jackie Gleason, and director Richard Donner to get involved should get some kind of metal. But then again, it was the 80’s. Cocaine was probably somehow involved.
White Actor!C. ThomasHowell plays a student that takes tanning pills to get dark enough skin to appear black. Your first instinct might be to ask “Huh?” but here’s the answer to why: so he can get a scholarship to Harvard specifically intended for African-American students. Now you can ask the “Huh?”
This is the tamest of the three, but it’s seemingly the least credible. How could Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy lug such a flexible deceased Bernie around all weekend without rigor mortis setting in?
J.J. Abrams, scriber of Regarding Henry and creative genius behind television’s FacetiousFelicity, found himself in the precarious position of relaunching the Star Trek film franchise.
In the process of doing so, he got a little carried away with lens flares. That’s when light spreads from its source… here’s a collection of shots from the film:
SIDEDISCLAIMER: This is a dumb idea I’ve had for a while now. Deal with it. Below you will find A Handful Of Movies That Are Not Sequels To Other Movies. Why am I doing this, you might ask? My answer: education.
Black Dog / White Dog
One wags, while the other swayze.
Black Dog is an action picture about an ex-con being tricked into smuggling illegal arms. White Dog is a movie starring Kristy McNichol around her ABC School Specialdays, and oh yeah – it’s about a racist dog.
Think Like a Man / What Women Want
The themes of the films form some kind of mental Mobius strip. Better yet – Ouroboros… the snake that eats its own tail.
Despite nobody having a clue about either sex (sorry Steve Harvey – not all men operate on such basic levels, and sorry to all involved with What Women Want – women never know what they want), these films might as well be science fiction instead of comedies.
SIDENOTE: Speaking of comedies, want a good laugh? Cameron Diaz is making a sequel called What Men Want.
Act I: Food.
Act II: Sex.
Act III: Sleep.
Finis.
Battleship / Clue: The Movie
I miss the days B4 B9 shit like this was made.
Sure, both are based on board games, but whereas Clue: The Movie was clever, Battleship is sunk by getting handed scrap footage from Transformers 3.
Chernobyl Diaries / Princess Diaries
And somewhere in the middle sits The Nanny Diaries.
I figured know I’m not the first to notice this, but are you noticing a trend?
Keep your sights on the bulls-eye…
First, Katniss has her way with the bow and arrow in The Hunger Games, then Hawkeye shows up as a master archer in The Avengers, and finally Princess Merida goes all Robin Hood in Brave. Kinda weird, right? Like Hollywood’s prepping us for Armageddon by developing a fondness for rudimentary varieties of arsenal.
But like I said, I unfortunately was late to the (hunger) game catching that one, so howzabout this Coinkydink or Coinkydonk… the flying vessels the Chitauri use in The Avengers are similar to the flying disks in Masters of the Universe movie:
Sorta…?
What about the Chitauri Leviathan, then? It looked comparable to those Decepticon ships in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, right?
Yeah, this one’s a bit better… let’s go for one more COC!
Remember how it looked for Tony Stark inside the Iron Man suit?
Don’t look so surprised, Mr. Jr.
Do you think they got their idea’s from 1997’s Star Kid?
Once upon a time (not ABC-Disney’s eponymous show), Tim Burton and Don Bluth were a part of the Disney family. Coincidentally (Coinkidinkily), one of the last projects they shared parts of was The BlackCauldron(Burton designed the The Horned King; Bluth animated a few uncredited scenes).
Anygurgiwantsmunchiesandcrunchies, they share one other similarity: a fascination with dead dogs (not really).
SIDENOTE: A Coinkydonk , too? Why is this an Awful Battle? Read on.
In 1984, the last thing Burton made for Disney was a short film called Frankenweenie. This lead to him getting fired.
As for Bluth, All Dogs Go to Heaven ended his short streak of hits. Even though it developed spin-offs, it was mostly a flop following the highly successful An American Tail and The Land Before Time films. (RIP Judith Barsi)
Now that Disney and Burton made money peace over the stop-action Nightmare Before Christmas and live-action Alice in Wonderland films, he’s flipping the script on his newest film:
Why does it seem even creepier animated than the original which was live-action?!
This imagined post from the past comes upon the heels of two interesting and recent developments: my re-falling in love with Kelly Preston, and that there will (possibly) be a sequel to 1988’s Twins called Triplets! Eddie Murphy will play Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s long-lost brother. My head is spinning, and not a because of a tum-ah! (Sorry, wrong film…) Here’s what I might have written when I was 13:
Good thing presidents don’t have sequels!
1988 has come and gone. So has a great year at the movies.
Not only did the best action film ever get released (by the way, it’s Die Hard), but there was a return to animation being mixed with live action in the incredible Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Time will only tell if they’ll make any more movies that mix real actors and cartoons (doubt it), and who could possibly make another action film about one guy taking on an entire group of baddies in such a believable manner (no one)? But what I really want to write about are this year’s “big” comedies.
There’s a reason I put big in quotes – Big is one of the fantastic comedies that came out this year. Beetlejuice and Naked Gun were good clean-ish fun, and I wasn’t supposed to see the unclean-ishComing to America, but I did.
For me, the stand-out was Twins and you might be inclined to think these are the reasons why:
It was truly good clean fun (and funny).
Kelly Preston is beautiful.
Arnie and Danny have comedic chemistry.
In jest truth, it was the film’s on-the-nose soundtrack. Aside from The Spinners’ Brother to Brother (playable down below), you had this gem by Little Richard and Phillip Bailey:
I don’t know who made this, but it was found here. Sometimes the TripleDoubleU truly is Pandora’s Box (I’m not talking about a portable web radio device)…
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