Film

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… I Effing Hate This Game Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

The uncensored title: "I Fucking Hate This Game"

If you were unaware of this game’s existence, check out some of the samples on the Mad Gab website.  Or better yet, don’t go there.  Essentially, the game takes a phrase like this:

EYE PILLOW FIZZ SIGH

And you have to decipher the actual phrase.  The answer to the above bullshit:

APPLE OF HIS EYE

So what better quiz could I devise than recreating the garbage game and having you guess the movie title.  Is it easy?  Is it not easy?  You’ll have to let me know.

1)2)3)4)5)

After all’s said and done, I’ll have to admit that it was actually a hell of a lot more fun making Mad Gab phrases than playing it.  The answers, as always, are

HALF TOUR THUD YUM PA

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I Am Thankful For… Hausu On DVD

Posted on by sgottahurt

This almost slipped past me, like the plot of the movie (see the preview below), but I Am Thankful For finding out that the 1977 Japanese horror (?) film Hausu has been released on DVD, and, well, check it out:

Via Criterion’s website:

SYNOPSIS: How to describe Nobuhiko Obayashi’s indescribable 1977 movie House (Hausu)? As a psychedelic ghost tale? A stream-of-consciousness bedtime story? An episode of Scooby-Doo as directed by Mario Bava? Any of the above will do for this hallucinatory head trip about a schoolgirl who travels with six classmates to her ailing aunt’s creaky country home and comes face-to-face with evil spirits, a demonic house cat, a bloodthirsty piano, and other ghoulish visions, all realized by Obayashi via mattes, animation, and collage effects. Equally absurd and nightmarish, House might have been beamed to Earth from some other planet. Never before available on home video in the United States, it’s one of the most exciting cult discoveries in years.

A great treat to watch on Thanksgiving, I’m sure!

Hibbidy-Wah?! 25 Years Passed Again?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

First, I could deal with it when Back to the Future celebrated its 25th Anniversary:

Remember that Saturday Night Live skit where Dana Carvey kept singing, "Gotta go back in time" to Michael J. Fox while they were in an elevator? Yeah, neither do I.

Then it kind of stunned me when I found out Super Mario Bros was also 25 years old (watch the video on the linked site for some digital nostalgia):

Are we sure this wasn't an Atari 7800 game?

And then! I found out Elmo from Sesame Street has been around for a quarter century:

He's the one that's not Grover.

But this was the last straw… the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle happened 5×5 years ago:

(Bonus Elmo and Ricky Gervais video after the jump) Read More

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Tyler Perry Is Ed Burns 2.0

Posted on by sgottahurt

Allow me to begin with an apology.  I initially wanted this post to be about Katy Perry’s glorious set of… vocal pipes… but Best Week Ever beat me to the punch (italicized spelled-out sad face because I’m not found of emoticons).

So instead you get this: I was thinking about the career path of writer/director/Actor! Tyler Perry, and all of a sudden I couldn’t help but to be reminded of another writer/director/Actor! named Ed Burns.

If you need a refresher, here’s Perry:

He did not look like this for his cameo in "Star Trek."

As a refresher, here’s Burns:

Did I neglect to mention he's married to Christy Turlington?

So despite any glaring differences, how could I compare them?

  1. They’re both Christians.
  2. They both produce personal films.
  3. They’ve each made a total of ten films (so far), and are known for making them on low budgets.
  4. Both have dabbled in TV (Perry has produced two shows; Burns was a gofer on Entertainment Tonight).
  5. They’ve both had minor roles in major releases (as mentioned, Perry was in the newest Star Trek, and Burns was in Saving Private Ryan).
  6. They both are extremely rich.

And that’s why Tyler Perry is Ed Burns 2.0.

Worth 1002 Words… Star Wars Tirade Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Klaatu, Brutus?

(SIDENOTE: It makes a lot of sense to give the proper name to the character formerly known as Klaatu, because Kenner did the same with many other toys, like Ponda Baba (Walrus Man), Momaw Nadon (Hammerhead), or Saelt-Marae (Yak Face).  You know, because he’s a Klaatu and his name his Wooof…

…wait, what’s that?

His people are actually called Kadas’sa’Nikto, so his name could be (and once was) Klaatu, but they’ve finally opted to go with Wooof because, well, just because of this quote via Wookieepedia:

The Green Nikto seen in Jabba’s palace was called Klaatu, though Wooof was one of the production names used for this character. ―Leland Chee (whoever he is)

So there’s no reason for the ridiculous change.  And that’s it for my nerdy tirade.  As the famous line from The Day the Earth Stood Still goes:

Klaatu barada nikto…

…end SIDENOTE)

A Handful Of… Characters That Fear Water

Posted on by sgottahurt

Water… is life.

Water… is cleansing.

Water… is wet.  What else can I say?

For these characters in TV and film, water is only wet.  Lame opening?  Waterever.

Here are A Handful Of characters that fear H2O.

  • A Mogwai named Gizmo

This poor little guy can’t even drink beer without spawning bastard siblings.

Yes, I've used that joke before.

  • The Wicked Witch of the West

I wonder if Glenda the Good Witch could get wet.  Maybe that came out wrong.  That was still a bad choice of words…

"I really like Arby Meltings, I'm Meltings..."

  • Pigpen

Water would only turn this Peanuts character into Muddy.

The Muddy pun would have went better if his name was Dusty.

  • Aliens

When you’re an alien that has acid blood, you avoid getting open wounds around water.

"I'd rather have ice in my veins..."

When you’re an alien that’s skin is so sensitive to water that it’s like acid, you avoid planets and creatures composed mostly of water.  Or so you’d think…

"If I had ice in my veins, I'd die... Waah..."

  • Jason Voorhees

Maybe he didn’t fear water so much before… you know…

"Hey mom, look at me! I'm splashing!"

  • Tim Burton’s version of evolved Apes

Take it guy from this blog post:

Apes, for some reason, are deathly afraid of water, because in all their evolving they have never learned to swim. In fact, they are so afraid of water that when Mark Wahlberg is running away from them, across a river, he is literally only a few steps into the water when the apes stop pursuing them. The idea seems to be that they are afraid of drowning, but apparently they are afraid of getting wet at all. Ummm… okay.

"Orangutan I didn't say banana? Get it?"

  • Ringwraiths

I guess there’s a bunch of debating about the portrayal of these characters in the Lord of the Ring films, but by my summation, they’re afraid of water.  It’s an elemental thing.

"It's also a horse-shaped tidal wave drowning us thing..."

  • 6th Graders

This video will prove it once and for all:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

So, Duh! Pop Quiz… Movies That Rip Off Other Movies

Posted on by sgottahurt

How can they dew that?!

For this edition of the So, Duh! Pop Quiz, I’m going to have everyone figure out the movie that ripped off each of these films (well, one of the questions happens to be about the films that ripped off the original).

Here’s a little known truth:

It ain’t stealing if it’s an homage…

1) Which sci-fi flop copied these sci-fi flops?

 

THX 1138 - Parts: The Clonus Horror - Logan's Run

2) The second question’s always easy… What monster movie did these monster movies chase after?

Orca: The Killer Whale! - Alligator - Piranha

3) Which “groundbreaking” action film stole broken ground from these underground flicks?

Blade - Dark City - Ghost in the Shell

4) What piece of garbage ripped off these pieces of garbage, save the awesome underrated The Monster Squad?

Underworld - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - The Monster Squad

5) Which film that was essentially a “cartoon” ripped off these “cartoons” (Dances with Wolves is certainly cartoonish)?

Dances with Wolves - Pocahontas - FernGully - Delgo

(Answers after the jump) Read More

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? If The Cleats Fett, I Mean, Fit…

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t find it strange that fans of this team:

The Detroit Lions currently have a better record than the Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys have won five Super Bowls to our zero!

Are also fans of these college football teams:

 

Hail Sadism and Masochism!

I imagine that their viewing parties look a little bit like this:

Pictured: Boba Fetish, with Slave I and Sluttrooper

Awful Battle… A 5tup1d Tr3nd R3tr05p3ct1v3

Posted on by sgottahurt

We all Scream 4 I Scre4m!

Scream 4 won’t be out until next year, but that hasn’t stopped them from advertising it already.  As you can see, the marketers have opted for 2 Fast 2 Furious-style campaign (image in gallery after the jump) that Tron Legacy and The Final Destination abandoned prior to looking, well, fucking idiotic (original images also below).

So if this “stupid trend” finds new life again, I may scream.  But imagine the confusion if this method of advertising held true for other previous movies.  We would have had:

  • Seven Part 7

  • Thirteen Ghosts Part 13

  • Cradle to the Grave 2

  • The Nines Part 9

  • Three Part 3

  • Menace to Society II

  • Lucky Number Slevin 7

  • Simone Part 10

  • Layer Cake Part 43

  • Leonard Part 6

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