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Drunken Recollection… They Sure Don’t Make Cartoons Like They Used To (Plus My Opinion On Donald Duck Finally Revealed!)

Posted on August 19, 2010 by sgottahurt

This seemed to come out nowhere, as opposed to the alcohol that kept being provided by the prompt wait staff.

We had finished a soccer game. We were playing music trivia. And this old Walt Disney cartoon popped in my head. My friends remembered it, and we laughed about how it could never get made these days… not in the slightest. (Well, maybe in the slightest.)

Watch and revel at a child’s cartoon from 1949:

What I think surprises me the most is what a dick Donald Duck used to be.

Was he always that way? Yes. Yes. And oh god no, yes.

That’s probably why he was my favorite Disney character…

Happy Find… My Name’s Meaning (Plus Hero Rats!)

Posted on August 7, 2010 by sgottahurt

Even though it’s been around, like forever, which according to itself means:

forever is until you find something better…

…I’ve only recently discovered what my name means via the Urban Dictionary. Take a gander for yourself:

I can live with that. And I need to find out who funwithamber is… Either she’s a fun girl named Amber, or a scientist from Jurassic Park. So in other words, a win either way.

Also from the TripleDoubleU archives, I present to you a new Parry Gripp song. I’ve written about him before, so for more of that, click here. Otherwise, enjoy the heartwarming tale of the Hero Rats…

*sniff* The part about “saving us from ourselves” gets me every time.

Drunken Recollection… Why Men Do Anything (Plus Swamping!)

Posted on August 6, 2010 by sgottahurt

While camping last weekend, this happened:

Why is the song "Lump" suddenly stuck in my head?

That is my cousin Steve, whom most recently discovered this for me, or should I say us. He put on his waders and decided to go swamping, which in other words means…

Hunting for frogs.

Passersby were confused at us boggy marsh gawkers, until they realized we were watching Steve mucking through the muck. Every last one of them smiled. Only one of them rubbed my shoulders.

In other Drunken Recollecting, while around the campfire, I proposed that there are only three reasons men do anything in this world (in no particular order):

To impress their friends… explains Break Moments in De-Evolution
To make themselves happy… explains sites like this existing
To get laid… obvi

Oh, and there is the unofficial fourth reason – survival.

So the question that remains – why did Steve go swamping?

I already told you it was to hunt for frogs!

A Handful Of… Michigan Artists That Are Cooler Than Mike Posner

Posted on August 5, 2010 by sgottahurt

I don’t like this guy. At all. My reason is to quickly follow.

The way he sings in a whisper makes me imagine a man holding his cat’s front paws and making it dance, while he cooed much to the feline’s dismay, “You think you’re cooler than me.”

Anymeow, Mike Posner is from Southfield, Michigan, and as much as I seek to support local performers making it big, this guy – not so much.

To be honest, I originally thought his name was Mike Poser, and in a way under that belief, I appreciated his irony. Now he’s ironic in another way.

So here is A Handful Of local acts done good (not counting Motown, to make a point)… after the jump… Read More

InASense, Lost… If At First You Did Exist, Try, Triceratops

Posted on August 4, 2010 by sgottahurt

(From "Art of My Mind" - click image for link)

I don’t get this discovery.

Apparently, Scientists! (my sarcastic pronouncement in honor of Actors!) have determined that this…

Of course it's the Triceratops.

…didn’t exist. “They” (wait – we know it’s the Scientists!) say that Triceratops are really just the baby version of this:

This is the... Torosaursus?

Nobody knows what a Torosaurus is! Why not say that the Torosaurus didn’t exist, and it’s the grown up version of a Triceratops!?

(SIDENOTE: I know I’m not supposed to capitalize the terrible-lizards-that-may-be-terrible-birds’ names, but they have a special place in my heart… a place that’s apparently German and capitalizes nouns.)

This is tantamount to Twix calling their original candy bars Caramel, and their peanut butter versions Twix!

Or the drawing at the post’s start.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Orko And The Scooby-Doo Brood

Posted on July 25, 2010 by sgottahurt

A wise man once said:

Do as I say, and as I BOOM! – Michael Bay

Basically, what that translates into is if you’re lucky to find something that pleases the masses, give ’em more!

This Hollywood trick is also known as The Scooby-Doo Brood. Almost as soon as the crime-solving canine entered the animated scene, he was a hit amongst his fans, so Hanna-Barbera thought, give ’em more! And over the course of many, many years, Scooby was brought back and re-purposed in the forms of other family members.

He-Man and the Master of the Universe would later go on to do the same thing with kid-friendly favorite, Orko, and introduce his Trollan Scooby-Doo Brood.

Orko and Scooby-Doo

Orko is the original, just like Scooby-Doo.

Dree-Elle and Scooby-Dee

Dree-Elle is Orko’s love interest, while Scooby-Dee is… SD’s cousin?

Uncle Montork and Yabba-Doo

Well, Orko’s Uncle Montork is obviously his uncle; so Yabba-Doo is… SD’s brother?

Yuckers and Scrappy-Doo

Yuckers is Dree-Elle’s little brother, and Scrappy-Doo is SD’s nephew. Hrm.

Snoob and Scooby-Dum

Snoob is a misguided Trollan wizard, and Scooby-Dum is just dumb. I’m not seeing a pattern here at all…

Prankster (Wakrapanike) and Dooby-Doo

Prankster (his real name is Wakrapanike) is the only Trollan to reveal his face, and Dooby-Doo is a rare cousin of SD that has hair. Aargh! That’s not even close…

Doctor Zoog and Whoopsy-Doo

How about Doctor Zoog is an evil scientist, and Whoopsy-Doo is a clown… Grrr!

Okay, well at least this counts:

The website Totally Looks Like states that Orko looks like the Black Mage from the Final Fantasy game series, but in all actuality, the Black Mage (created in 1987) looks like Orko (created in 1983)… BOOM!

And how’s this for a real-life Scrappy-Doo… DOUBLE BOOM!

(Trollan pics via Frank’s He-Man Page, everything else is from Google)

Awful Battle… Which One Of These Videos Makes More Sense?

Posted on July 18, 2010 by sgottahurt

You know what? I’m going to let these videos speak for themselves. You’ll never guess which one is easier to understand.

A Handful Of… Sort Of Obscure Films Watched Over And Over

Posted on July 12, 2010 by sgottahurt

They say youth is wasted on the youth. Well I say, adulthood is a waste if adults aren’t wasted. (See what I did there?)

Today I present to you A Handful Of flicks (as opposed to a fistful of punches) that I have seen way too many times growing up, wasting my youth as a youth.

Summer School (1987)

This movie lead to me discovering (what I consider) the greatest horror film of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Without this film, it would have taken me longer to discover who Carl Reiner (the director and Rob’s dad) was, but it might have spared me from seeing Mark Harmon’s Worth Winning (going into my Netflix queue… right now). Also, it may be a contender for starting the “dogs wearing sunglasses” genre of movie posters.

And not speaking of (big red) dogs, but of grown men portraying obnoxious children, there’s…

Clifford (1994)

Okay, I might not have been so young when I watched this film over and over and over again. But I mean, come on! Martin Short is playing a ten-year-old boy! Hijinks and hilarity ensue!

Now back to dogs (and films made in 1987)…

Walk Like a Man (1987)

Howie Mandel – of America’s Got Talent, Deal or No Deal, Bobby’s World, Good Grief, and blowing up rubber gloves over his head – was raised by dogs. ‘Nuff said.

Moving (1988)

Without this Richard Pryor vehicle, the world would never have met Stacey Dash (where has she been, by the way?)… but it would have also been spared Dana Carvey and Randy Quaid… moving on…

Cloak & Dagger (1984)

Elliott wasn’t good in this movie, E.T... Henry Thomas’ character shot and killed a bad guy in the end of this movie! Try to fit something like that in the next Alvin and the Chipmunks Squeakuel, Hollywood!

Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)

I’ve already professed my love for Amanda Peterson long ago on this site, so let’s leave it at that. Well, that post and this quote:

There’s only one other titty, quite this pretty…

How’s this for a segue…

What can money buy, if not love? Ho, ho, ho’s!

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985)

This is the first movie I ever remember reading a review about. I recall some comment about producer Alexander Salkind’s obsession with origin stories. You see, this film dealt with Santa’s humble beginnings (unlike Tim Allen’s punderful The Santa Clause), and Salkind’s previous productions included The Three Musketeers (1973) and Superman (1978). Three films = obsession, I guess.

And this last cinematic masterpiece just screams REMAKE WITH TRACY MORGAN! (Not really…)

The Toy (1982)

As a youth, I didn’t waste time pondering the logistics of a film about a rich white man buying his spoiled son a black man as a toy… so why start now!

Onto being an adult, and getting wasted!