Month: September 2012

Unofficial Trilogy… That Future Looks A Lot Like Our Present Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Call me a sucker for good sci-fi.  Good thing I’m not that big a sucker, though, because good sci-fi is rare.  Rarer still is sci-fi that takes place in the future, yet looks like our present (or near present).  Here’s a nice slideshow of the films in this Unofficial Trilogy:

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This already feels like I’m entering film school snob territory.  This is a French sci-fi noir film starring an ex-patriot American as a secret agent that carries around an Instamatic camera.  Yeah.  The thing like the app.  Back when it was brand new and seemed futuristic.  Anykodak, I remember this film being really cool… so cool it was even referenced in an episode of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.

I can tell I’ve lost you, so I won’t bring up that Alphaville’s Forever Young was my graduating class song, and I was pissed about that because I never heard of the group or the song, and then when I saw this film in college, it reminded me of how much I hated that song, and then The O.C. re-popularized it with a remake, and the rage returned, and…

When I first viewed this film, I had no expectations.  So my expectations weren’t blown away – my mind was.  I still maintain that this is the Citizen Kane of our time… an under-appreciated classic in every sense that will one day get its due.  It’s a film directed by a Mexican based on a book by a Brit about America now.  At least that’s what I thought when I watched it years ago.  Considering it’s about a world where no one can have children anymore, and Clive Owen has to protect a pregnant woman while wearing flip-flops, I don’t know why I thought that.  I really need to watch this film again.

Ever see Parts: The Clonus Horror The Island?  Well, this isn’t that movie.  But it’s similar, at least in its premise if not its time period.  The idea is simple – there’s a clone race of people who exist solely to provide organs for their original.  Where the similarities end is in the bittersweet acceptance of those fates.  Since The Island was directed by Michael Bay and Never Let Me Go is a British film, guess which one is about the clones fighting for their right to be free individuals and which one is a simple love story between people resigned to dying young?

(SIDENOTE: I just realized this are all technically foreign flicks.  Go figure.)

Drunken Recollection… Urban Dictionary Wars

Posted on by sgottahurt

Last time I tried to do this, I didn’t get in (that’s what she said).  It’s probably because I mentioned Thundercats and the redickuless Rob Dyrdek.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to reiterate.  One of my friends from soccer has about nine posts on Urban Dictionary; I wanted as many or more.  It turns out I’m burned out from trying.  I will give him credit though – he said he tried many as well, but it wasn’t until he got into the 12-year-old pervert boy mindset that he hit his stride.

So my latest (and last) attempt is this:

1. when a dude has unprotected sex and immediately after regrets not putting a condom on. 2. When the one getting boned realizes there is no latex (or sheepskin if you're over 50) betwixt you both, you can exclaim "I condomeant to!" FRIEND 1: Man, this chick I was banging was in her ketchup phase... I totally condomeant to after that discovery. FRIEND 2: At least she wasn't in the "must-turd" phase.

That’s the lowest this highbrow can go.

Here ‘s hoping (for no real good particular reason).  As for the other five of my compiled entries (including the above mentioned “ketchup phase“), click here.  Maybe by the time you do, condomeant will be on that list.

(SIDENOTE: My favorite entry is kidstipated BTW, but it took three tries to get it on.  The one I gave up on was mustard phase.  I was only trying to get that on for the above joke, so I shoehorned it in.  See it’s definition below…)

mustard phase

1) After eating a lot of unhealthy food – let’s say chili cheese hot dogs – there’s a sense of urgency to reach the bathroom that grows exponentially until you reach the porcelain throne

2) The phase when you “must turd” ASAP

DUDE 1: We gotta get out of this ballpark stat! My rectum is launching into full mustard phase, and these restrooms are packed!

DUDE 2: Just use a trash bin.

InASense, Lost… What Lesson Am I Supposed To Learn Here?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I always thought the saying went as such:

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

But then again, they also always say:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.

So am I insane, or are they barely trying here?

A movie about guys with kids starring Anthony Anderson.

(SIDENOTE: The above is a 2004 film that received a 4% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.)

A television show about baby daddies starring Anthony Anderson.

(SIDENOTE: The above NBC show received a 38% approval rating.  For NBC, that’s a hit!)

The Silver Lining… Gross Microscopic Creatures Sometimes Aren’t As Gross As You Think

Posted on by sgottahurt

My gut tells me to deplore this creature, but my heart tells me otherwise.

I hate microscopic creatures.  The macroscopic creep me out.  But Tardigrades might have changed my mind.  And not just because they’re called waterbears or moss piglets, which make them sound cute…