Harken back in time, my friends, to the year 1996, years before this website existed.  Relive the days when “blog” was a misspelling of “bologna”; experience the moments before Al Gore began his work inventing the TripleDoubleU… (P.S. click on the song’s names below to see the video)

Time spent shopping for cassettes has never been… weirder.  Don’t get me wrong – I like these songs musically.  And even the hooks seemed fine.  But upon repeated hearings in my truck, I’m not so sure these songs about family members are healthy.

• The Nixon’s Sister

This song at first seems like a lovely ode from a brother to a sister, but check out some of these lyrics:

Half of me breathes in you/ Thoughts of love remain true

Entwined you and I / Our souls speak from across the miles

I considered putting this song in my pocket to play at my own sisters’ weddings (if they ever get married), but I think I’ll pass.

• Tracy Bonham’s Mother Mother

Everybody knows this fine ditty.  Little Tracy isn’t too happy with her life, and she’s taking it out on her poor poor mother mother.

• Juliana Hatfield (Three)’s My Sister

Sure, this song is about two years old, but not only does it suck – IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!  Juliana Hatfield is an only child!  If only I had some way to prove it…  (Seriously, this song is horrible!)

• Pearl Jam’s Daughter

Talk about depressing!  (And irony by using an explanation point.  By the way, I wish people would be more ironic.  It’s so funny!)  This song from a three years back is about child abuse and kids with learning disorders, which thankfully, is still rare.  Once again, depressing!

• Madonna’s Papa Don’t Preach

Obvious story from a decade ago.  (Man, does time fly, or what?)  Girl gets “with child”… gets in fight “with papa”… I think that’s what it’s about, at least.  You could probably read more into it.  You could probably read less into it, too.

• Night Ranger’s Sister Christian

Another song about sisters… this time in the form of a cautionary tale about becoming a whore.  Released two years prior to Papa Don’t Preach (which is surprising considering its sound style), it could have been better titled, Brother Don’t Preach.

There are no songs I could think of that had brother in the title or son…

…maybe because most brothers and sons are healthy.

(SIDENOTE: I “finished” this blog post a year before Everclear’s Father of Mine was released in 1997, otherwise it, too, would have been included…)