One is quick enough and to the point, while the other is a meatball sandwich-sized train wreck. Watch them entirely for the full-effect of Hibbidy-Wah?!
So which shall I begin with…?
You lose:
Palette cleanser:
Further torture:
This could be the greatest thing never made (into an actual show):
The Rocketeer is one of my all-time favorite films, and following the 20th Anniversary of its release, coupled with director Joe Johnston’s success with Captain America: First Avenger, there has been talk of a long-awaited live-action sequel.
I say cartoon is the way to go. You can still use the original Actors! (or at least close enough sounding ones), instead of recasting or rebooting the series. (Can it be a series if there was only one?)
Could a TV show fly? Perhaps with a little gum…
This is a fucking shitty song.
But it’s perfect.
When drunk.
And it’s raining.
With certain things clouding my mind.
Which could just be the beer.
And maybe nostalgia.
Probably beer.
This series of posts imagine “what if I had a blog back then?” I originally was not ever going to use YouTube videos if the post took place before the site’s inception, but– it’s my blog, so I can change my own rules. You could presuppose that if there was a forum to blog within back in 1981, there would have been a version of YouTube… and I would have been six years old…
It reminds me of CBS' Special Presentation logo.
According to the dictionary, Magnavox translates to “great voice” in Latin. I think it should translate into “great products.” First, they invented home video game machines, with the Odyssey. Then they came out with neato-peato 19-inch color TV’s. Then they made the Odyssey 2!
I can’t wait for their newest product… the Laser Disc. They look like shiny records, or something that Spock would have played Frisbee with on Star Trek. That’s probably why they use Actor! Leonard Nimoy in the commercials. Since he went off In Search Of new technologies, he probably never thought he’d be stopping at one place. And that one place is MAGNAVOX!
If this is just a small sign of the wonders they can accomplish, they will be industry leaders for years – and decades – to come!
REFERENCES:
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SCeTpWzpys&h=300&w=400]
This kind of reminds me of Magnavox's logo.
Upon the first time seeing this Keystone Light beer commercial, I knew the ad campaign had found a hero to compare with Dos Equis’ Most Interesting Man in the World. He was sort of the anti-thesis; the everyman that any man could be… if he drank Keystone Light.
What followed, upped his “always smooth” quotient into undeniable levels:
(In this next one, his smoothness is legit as The Shit… at least as much as a roller rink provides room to be.)
But although this latest commercial originally made me laugh, it’s been bothering me more and more upon each repeated viewing:
I don’t mind Brian, or the fact he wears no arm protection. I even like the continued use of the cougar-growl since the rollerskating commercial. Because that’s all smooth. But the magical fire? It’s a shortcut and a means to an end, but it could be a dangerous sign of things to come.
The Most Interesting Man in the World works because it’s absurdly clever; The Man Your Man Could Smell Like works because it’s cleverly absurd. Always Smooth Keith Stone exists somewhere in the middle, shy of too absurd.
Here’s an appearance in a Funny or Die video that doesn’t help the situation (mostly because it’s more Die than Funny):
Tough and beautiful (always lead with tough) Zoe Saldana has a new movie coming out, in which she will neither be a blue cat person, nor Ashton Kutcher’s love interest, of which I see no difference.
It’s called:
They forgot to say "Vengeance is Tough." Always lead with "tough."
From the previews, it appears to be a high-octane, face-busting, car-blowing-up, Zoe-in-underwear-at-one-point good time. And I think it takes place in Ohio.
Columbiana, Ohio, as a matter of fact. Here’s their website. Here’s their Twitter account.
Here’s their antique store:
Come see new old things!
Here’s their movie theater:
Come here to see the movie if we get it!
Here’s (one of) their church(es):
Come and pray this film will play at our theater!
It seems like a nice quaint place… that looks nothing at all like it does on film:
But then again, George Clooney’s movie looked nothing like Rhode Island:
Syriana's in Rhode Island, right?
I was about to get all serious on you guys, and talk about how similar (although the writers “claim” they barely remember the true incident) 30 Minutes or Less is to the Brian Douglas Wells case. Both involve a pizza driver getting a bomb strapped to them, and there’s a plot of collecting an inheritance, yada yada… I’ll let you look into the horrible story. (Oh, and don’t bother with the movie either… it’s as pointless as Oreo Cakesters.)
The only thing worse I could write about would be how Up Close & Personal was originally based on the sad life of reporter Jessica Savitch, but then it suddenly wasn’t. (Yes, I’m bringing up the crappy Michelle Pfeiffer/Robert Redford vehicle as an example.)
So instead I will do this:
1) Apes (played by people) in the poster.
That's a whole lotta frightening there.
Apes love raising their fist, apparently...
3) Our hero is probably a pothead in real life.
They have to be, right?
4) Our probable real life pothead hero has a hot Indian girlfriend.
Dilshad Vadasria and Freida Pinto, just so you can Google more pics of them...
Let me begin by saying:
Me thinks me loves me the 2012 Ford Focus.*
It’s a nice ride and the technology inside is pretty cool. That having been said, courtesy of the new technology, I’ve been able to jump around on my iPod a helluva lot easier. This lead me to a discovery I wasn’t ready for.
Ever since John Cusack highlighted my lovelorn condition in High Fidelity, I’ve wondered what the alpha song was that triggered it. There had to be a source, and I believed I may have found it.
For those unfamiliar with the quote, here it is (don’t say I never do anything nice):
What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
Drum roll please. The answer should have been obvious all along. Maybe it’s the desert heat I’m currently in, or the new car smell of the rental…
Introducing the potential birth of the bane of my pitiful existence…
Doing It All For My Baby by Huey Lewis and The News:
*Notice I couldn’t say “I love” even in regard to an inanimate object… Wait, is a car really an inanimate object?
She gets a lot of flack, so I just wanted Heather Graham to know I got her back.
As well as other parts...
I have a disclaimer to make… I’ve had a long-standing crush on Ms. Graham, ever since her early appearances in License to Drive and Diggstown (I knew both of those without looking her up on IMDb or Wikipedia, so there). Group those roles together with her (very vital) character in Swingers, I should declare case closed. But it’s not that simple.
DISCLAIMER #2 – I’m a sucker for big… eyes. See: Katy Perry, Amanda Seyfried.
Anyhootersasinowlspeepers, another easy argument is she’s had a long career in distinguished comedies – Arrested Development, Scrubs (Dr. Molly Clock appeared in nine episodes), the aforementioned Swingers, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Steve Martin’s Bowfinger and The Hangover.
And yes, she’s done her share of… more questionable… appearances, but one was in a highly celebrated film (Boogie Nights, which is not to be confused with another of her films that won’t win any arguments called Boogie Woogie). She was in the widely-respected TV show (and movie) Twin Peaks, plus, she has starred beside Will Smith (Six Degrees of Separation), Robert Downey, Jr. (Two Girls and a Guy and a Pizza Place), William Hurt (Lost in Space), and Johnny Depp (From Hell).
Most recently, she was in a family film playing an aunt. Roller Girl. As an aunt.
This is not the image you hoped I would use.
Mira Sorvino didn’t have this career. Marissa Tomei has an Academy Award, and she seems to have been scraping by ever since (she was Heather’s costar in The Guru).
(SIDENOTE: I don’t know why I isolated and picked on those two Actors!, but I know why I picked my closer.)
If anyone wants to knock Heather Graham’s talents, just remember… she could have turned out like Tara Reid:
This is a "before" picture... you don't want to see any "afters."
I’ve already written about the poorly named Magic Bullet once before (or at least I insinuated about its terrible shared moniker), but with the company’s latest product, they botched the name game again:
Why would you put those two words anywhere near each other?
They could have called it the Baby Blender… no that doesn’t work.
How about the Regurgitator? (Now we’re getting close.)
Got it – the Home Baby Food Maker.
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