In My Brain While Sleeping… Only in My Dreams

None of these were full dreams, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t share.

In one dream, I got to meet Debbie Gibson.  She lived in a dangerous town, and she almost sent me to my doom, but when I was sitting next to her, our knees touched.  Knees!

Sorry. This is Deborah Gibson.

Another dream featured the return of Olivia Munn to G4’s Attack of the Show.  They kicked her replacement, Candace Bailey, to the curb, because what else has Munn been up to?

Attack of the Show, indeed.

The last tidbit in my sleeping noggin was about Pauly D and his new hairstyle:

"Call me DJ Mullet."

In My Brain While Sleeping… New Reality Show

I think I watch too much TV. I know I watch too much TV.  So this means I dream a lot about TV.  As for improvised drug use… not so much.  But that doesn’t mean any such acts are off-limits in the subconscious.

(SIDENOTE: What unfortunately seems to be off-limits is anything above a PG-13 rating.)

So anyVH1, I recently had a dream involving these three reality stars:

Kourtney Kardashian - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi - Audrina Patridge

And we were just hanging out at a night club doing whip-its (not to be confused with whipping hair).  That’s it.  Nothing provocative.  I’m just using this to illustrate my boob tube influenced brain.

Which brings me to the actual point of this post… I can’t believe there isn’t a reality show called The Dog Walkers.

In one of my dreams, the show existed, and it took place in different cities, like The Real Housewives, or MLB games.  But whereas this as a show might get boring:

How many are named Sparky?

This never will:

"Hold it 'til we get home. I forgot to bring bags!"

One more for prosperity:

It's because he can't see, you see.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Belligerent Smurfs

Wino Smurf, er, Champagno Smurf?

This one’s a quick one.  My friends and I were at a concert.  We were drinking a craaaazy amount.  Oh.  And we were all Smurfs.  We were in cartoon form, but we existed in the real world, à la Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Or the upcoming Smurfs movie.  But cel animated.  Not CGI*.  Thank you.

Barfly Smurf

*yes, you better Smurfing believe this is happening…

(SIDENOTE: But then again, CGI could look like cel animation.  Take a gander at this Roger Rabbit 2 screen test.  He’s 100% computer generated.)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Lady Problems (And How)!

Hate the playaz, not the club...

I always loved how the Little Rascals were such small scamps.  I don’t know where I was going with this, so onto the dreams!

I don’t watch The Bachelorette.  I’ve seen The Bachelorette and The Bachelor, but I don’t watch them with any regularity.  Or irregularity.  For all the drinking and crappy eating I do, I’m surprised at my regularity.

Anywhocaresaboutjakeandvienna, for some reason while in slumber, I found myself as a participant on the one-chick version (way to go subconscious…) with this Bachelorette (way to go subconscious?):

Ali Fedotowsky

She’s a pretty girl, no doubt, and in the dream she was in different to me (way to go subconscious again).  As she was sending away one of the other bachelors, that guy started bawling.  He was seriously gasping for air he was crying so bad.  I started making fun of that guy with a few of the other contestants, and they whooped it up while she approached from behind me.

I made a remark along the lines that I would probably cry too, and she overheard.  From then on out, she paid all kinds of attention to me, thinking I was the sensitive type (which I am when watching movies and TV, but not so much in real life) and that they were all meanies.  I don’t know if  I won, but it left me wondering this:

To win this game show, do you need to score?

In the other dream I had, I met Lindsay Lohan.

Please move away from the door and let me leave!

I had the chance to talk with her, and through hours of lunchtime discussion, she had a breakthrough!  She was going to change her life!  She cried (though not as bad as the guy dumped by the Bachelorette), and we went to meet her mom, Dina.  Somehow, my words sliced through to the core of their being, like a hot knife through butter, or a hot knife through a chest for that matter.

They thanked me for helping them heal, and I felt great.

It was when I awakened that realized in reality, they were both co-dependent, delusional, coked out whores, and that no one could ever help them, let alone me.

Inside, I kind of felt like this:

In My Brain While Sleeping… Preview “The Secret Of My Success 2” And “The Expendables” Twist

(Not So) Theatric Poster

Much like our friends and family (but not our nose), we can’t pick our dreams.  Sure we can influence them, but it’s still the subconscious that gets the final say.

For instance, I recently dreamed about a pair of entirely different movies and their REM-rendered interpretations were off, odd, and, quite frankly, awful.

First up to bat – the above teaser poster.  I didn’t envision the look of it (nor the amount of time it took to make it look like passable junk).  The plot of The Secret of My Success 2 came through to me like a whisper in the night.  Well, maybe not a whisper… more like a coughing hack.

The CEO of McDonald’s and his wife were having marital problems.  In stepped me/Michael J. Fox… I/he  suggested that the CEO sing this to his wife:

“Ba-da-bah-bah-bum… I’m lovin’ you.”

Boom!  I/he became a success at McDonald’s!  And it was our little (second) secret!

The other dream involved me seeing a sneak preview for a flick that hasn’t even hit theaters yet – The Expendables.

Suffice it to say, there was a switcheroo in the middle of the movie (a twist filling, if you will), and the bad guys killed off all the Expendables except for two…

Tough Guys: Topher Grace and Jay Baruchel

In My Brain While Sleeping… Peanut Butter Dream Theory

Skippy = Trippy

I’m really beginning to think I have my thumb on the pulse of my weird dreams.


These dream elements are merely that, without narrative.  But each of these happened the nights I went to sleep after eating peanut butter, either on a bagel or in Reese’s Pieces.

The Strange Reincarnation Metaphor

On the list of possibilities of what happens after we die, reincarnation falls below nothing for me.  It’s kind of hard to wrap my head around.  But I have considered, if it does happen, maybe it’s not the path for everyone.

Much like how in this dream I had a variety of snacks growing out of the entirety of my right arm.  My forearm was covered in smaller snacks, like Lifesaver mints and Good & Plenty’s (though not Reese’s Pieces).  The closer to my neck, the larger the treats became, culminating in pretzel rods protruding like crystal spikes from my shoulder blades.  I resembled a candy aisle version of Superman’s enemy, Doomsday:

There's a good chance those spikes are rock candy...

So what’s the reincarnation connection?  All the foods could be snapped off and were completely (and grossly) edible, and most, but not all, of them would grow back.  Like they were reincarnated, you see.  It made sense in that dream sort of way – don’t think about it too much.

Summer Never Ends at the Jersey Shore

Was it necessary for my subconscious to dream up this exchange?

Angelina to Snooki

You are to Cheetos what I am to popcorn.

Whatever that means.

Are they making the same face, or am I cross-eyed?

And that’s the situation… when I eat peanut butter and fall asleep.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Tweaking Existing Toylines

Those that claim to know me might say that I’m a child at heart.  Those that really know me would call me an overgrown child.  According to my subconscious, I have the mind of a child.  I prefer to say I’m living the 13 year-old me’s dream…

This set of dreams involved a pair of toy collections that I’ve previously mentioned on this post, but were sort of blended together.  It was the Lego Batman video game, and though I haven’t played it in a while, that did not prevent me from dreaming that there was a Batman toy collection that was kind of like a model train town set (Exhibit A) and a bit like Playmobil (Exhibit B).

Tiny figurines representing each of the characters could be purchased, as well as scenery components, and you could assemble a miniature Gotham City similar to Exhibit C.  I guess there’s a toy line called Imaginext that’s kind of like what I envisioned (Exhibit D), but I still imagine(xt) something much darker…

Where the other half of the Lego Batman connection ends up has nothing to do with a Lego town (Exhibit E).  It’s more like the Marvel Legends action figure collection (Exhibit F).  Every Lego set you purchased could be put together (or should I say combined because of course Lego sets are put together) with other Lego sets to make bigger predisposed items.  Again, not like Exhibit E, but like how Galactus is assembled in Exhibit F.

You see, Galactus’ head comes with Professor X, and other pieces of him are packaged along with five other figures in that series.  So if you buy all six figures, you can make Galactus.  That’s how the Lego sets worked…

Never mind.

You’re adults… you don’t understand.