Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Both Of These Vampire Spoofs May Suck

Just for clarification: Coinkydink = yes, it’s a coincidence.  Coinkydonk = no, that sh– is on purpose.

I’m a fan of the old days when spoofs were actually quality works, and a noble genre in it’s own right.  Early Mel Brooks and Zucker Brothersfilms are often sited as classics, but lest we not forget, um, nope, there’s nobody else.  Satire is a dying form, mostly because it requires intelligence blah blah blah highbrow chitter-chatter… onto the jokes, man.  No seriously, I have never seen a joke on this blog since it started last October.

So speaking of October and spoofs, what about comedy-horror films?  For every Young Frankenstein, there’s a Love at First Bite.  For every Transylvania 6-5000, there’s a Dracula: Dead and Loving It.  For every Saturday the 14th, there’s a Saturday the 14th Strikes Back.  And for every Scream, there’s more than enough Scary Movies.

So now we have two more vampire-themed “comedies” heading our way, and it’s Round 189 in “Hollywood’s Run Out Of Ideas So Let’s Make Two Versions Of The Same Movie And Have Them Compete Against Each Other.” 

Examples of previous rounds:

  • Paul Blart: Mall Cop / Observe and Report
  • Armageddon / Deep Impact
  • Volcano / Dante’s Peak
  • Madagascar / The Wild
  • The Truman Show / Ed TV
  • A Bug’s Life / Antz
  • The Prestige / The Illusionist
  • Tombstone / Wyatt Earp

The latest entries to the list are Transylmania and Stan Helsing (srsly).  Here are their trailers:

The Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk-nesscomes down to this simple question: Do studios release similar movies against each other on accident (dink!) or on purpose (donk!)?

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In My Brain While Sleeping… Smoking Weed Where The Sun Don’t Shine

Sometimes I wish I could remember every dream I had, because the ones that I do… whew boy!  Where do they come from?

Last night was no exception.

If there was going to be a visual mash-up of ideas, it’d be best represented by this:

Something something America!

Something something America! AKA Freudians have fun!

Using the above graphic you should be able to ascertain the elements involved… so here’s the gist of the dream.

There was a grouping of triplets (is that how you’d refer to them?), and they were preparing to set a new Guinness World Record.  Grant it, the triplets in the dream were burnout dudes, but I figured why not put the Dahm sisters up because of their, um, patriotism.

The new record they were setting to create?  Who could stay the longest at the bottom of an active volcano.  The location they chose was Hawaii.  The seat of choice was their old green sofa.  The method they chose to pass the time was getting high.

The world was watching, they set the record, and became overnight celebrities.  They even ended up releasing an album with Kid Rock.

I wish I could tell you how long they stayed in the volcano, or that I could regale you with an anecdote of how the brothers lit their joints on molten lava, but I remember none of that.

What I do remember was the commemorative license plate they offered in the fine state of Hawaii:

(Fairly) Artisitic Representation... I'm getting better at this stuff if I do say so myself

(Fairly) Artistic Representation... I'm getting better at this stuff if I do say so myself

 INGREDIENTS: Four pints of $2 Guinness.  And water.